Missing my son

I was taken aback too cheelu but I honestly don't think you have anything to be "ashamed" about. You are perfectly entitled to miss your son too.

phoenix I understand that your son lives on in your heart and in your dreams. Sadly there are no words that can take your pain away.
But we are thinking of you and we are here if you need a listening ear 'when the night has been too lonely and the path has been too long'. (((((( hugs ))))))

phoenix knows she has my support all the way.

Has anyone else noticed that the times aren't right on this thread? Most of the posts on the previous page are dated today, 16th, but most of the conversation took place yesterday evening...

I feel really bad for starting this thread now, the last thing I wanted to do was to distress anyone. I just wanted some empathy from someone who had felt the same.

Really sorry.

Ana Funny goings on, I agree.

phoenix so very sorry . We are just coming up to the first anniversary of my nephew's suicide, last January. Miss him dreadfully

when

Happygran please don't feel bad, if someone is feeling down, then they are feeling down! The cause is (in many ways) irrelevant, it's the feeling that affects us. You will find a lot of support on here.

Thank you Phoenix, you are a gracious lady. x

phoenix (hugs) You know we are here for you.

Happygran its two different things isn't it? You and your son are just shifting around to achieve a better fit.

Don't feel bad, Happygran and Cheelu - we just wanted to get things into perspective, but of course we understand that any mother can feel a bit lost when things change. I like your description, Kitty - all relationships shift from time to time.

happy sorry we all went off on a tangent and didn't offer you the support you need, its hard when they start new relationships and they are head over heels, but please don't feel we don't understand how you are feeling

Sending love phoenix

Happy - you need not feel bad about your post - it is very relevant to lots of grans - no-one is making a rating scale of loss, and I am sure lots of us will understand your situation.

Letting children go is hard, but remember that being in love is a form of madness that settles down over time and I am sure that your relationship with your son will bed down with time into a happy, but different, pattern.

If the girlfriend's family live a distance away it makes perfect sense that they would go and stay for a while as they cannot just pop in.

Well done for bringing up a son who can form such a close relationship. Give it time - all will be well.

Perhaps it would be an idea to have a topic specifically for bereavement. It may give people the space to talk about their pain should they wish. What do others think?

I understand your thinking Baubles, but I suspect that there will still be an 'overspill' into other threads and then people may feel as though they ought only to have posted on the 'bereavement' thread. Bit of a waffly response, but do you see what I mean? Bereavement can affect every aspect of life and therefore it will crop up all over the place - as it has, and does. Some people may find it helpful though, similar to the thread for 'estranged' grandparents.

Phoenix you may have seen this before but in case not, it might resonate

Please do not ask
If I am now recovering
Or if I see the light
At the tunnel’s end.
Nor speak about relief — or burdens lifted.
And, worst of all, new starts.
Please, please don’t ask
If I am getting through —
Have come to terms
Or find my life Is back on track.
Of course I live each day to each
And gladly smile
My coping, to “prepare a face
To meet the faces that you meet”.
What else is there to do?
In any case, you would not want to know
The daily loss that lasts eternally.
Just, please, don’t ask.

You must have been through so much.

That's beautiful, Sel. I haven't read that before. It has a deep resonance.

Sel they are fitting words that convey so much. I am going to send it to my sister. Thanks x

Lovely words Sel

I agree with ga (I must stop doing that!) Sorrow crops up when it does, not to order. Something 'got to' phoenix but it could have been anything, on any thread. So, no need for Happygran to feel sorry that she brought up something that was bothering her. Just be glad that phoenix felt able to speak.

ga of course I understand there would always be overspill. I didn't mean for a moment that a 'named' topic would be the only place to post about bereavement only that it may be a place similar to the 'estranged Grans' as you mentioned.

It would also be a means by which people, new or otherwise, could search for the subject.

I've experienced the empty nest of boys 3 times now and there are days when I'm really really sad about it, especially as they are far flung, including USA and my partners daughters are just round the corner. But I bite my tongue hard and try to repeat the mantra we have children for them to be independent. Eldest son did comment at christmas, after spending 9 th one away for various reasons , how fortunate and appreciative he was that I never made a fuss about it! Little does he know how I secretly am saddened.

I watched 'Wanted Down Under' today and yet again a parent was putting emotional blackmail on their child not to emigrate, even though they knew the grandchildren would have a much better life in NZ
In the end, the prospects of a better job, a lovely beachside house, good schools, friendly people, and a wonderful outdoor lifestyle won the day but the grandchildren were reduced to tears by the grandparents.
I am sure nobody in Gransnet would be anything but supportive, whatever big adventure their children wanted to undertake.

It is not a bed of roses for everyone greatnan - emigration I mean. I know it has been good for your family but it appears to me to be difficult and lonely for many young families. It is also strange experience for them being the "foreigner".
One of my sons once said, comparing where he was living in the southern hemisphere to a bit of the coastline back in Wales "It is beautiful here, but it doesn't feel like "mine".
I agree about the emotional blackmail though. Been there, done the fixed grin.

Fixed grin!!!!! I think I've been doing that nearly all my adult life!, with absent boys, as a daughter in law(twice), as a mother in law, as a new nanny, as a teacher listening to ridiculous new initiatives and so on.....

Greatnan, I am sure that the 'loved ones'' messages on Wanted Down Under are stage-managed and also edited for the maximum emotional effect. The couples might get a different and more balanced story once they get back to UK.