Campaign to end loneliness

Oh Dollie that is sad, is there no one you can Invite round for evening or lunch?

It is important to try have social contact I think for your own morale.

However internet is. Powerful tool maybe if friends are sparse they will become meet up friends as well as cyber ones?

Sorry if not helpful just racking my brains here!

Dragonfly, I suddenly realised that my long ago ex did none of those things on your list. As for being warm in bed, I do very well with fluffy bed socks and a hot water bottle!

Hi dragonfly I do understand what you say and I agree these things are important but if you have self worth I believe that you do handle not having those things better

I speak from my own experience, which is all I can do

Dear Dollie I was sad to hear you predicament. Just wanted to tell you that there is a club that you can join I think its called U3 or something--I am sure other people may know the correct name--Basically it is a club in most regions for older people to get together etc.

Also Gransnet has regional meet ups.

Maybe you could do an evening class of some sort or even some kind of light voluntary work--eg Charity shop work-- you will get to meet lots of different people and it will help to pass the time

Best wishes to you

Are you on your own Eliza?

I am not on my own, but I have always felt the same,whether I was with someone or if I weren't

After being with my husband for over forty years I can assure you that no amount of self worth makes up for the loneliness of being without him since he died. Or makes it easier to 'handle'. Hopefully you'll never experience that, but if you do I hope your self worth works for you.

May I be so bold as to ask as to ask how long you have been with your partner/ companion , Eliza ?

Dragon I feel that for some reason I am upsetting you so I will apologies and say I am very very sorry that you have lost your husband.

I hope it will get better for you.

I have spoken to my husband about how he would cope should I die, just so I can maybe learn how to cope myself when he dies and he said he would just try to get on with things the best he can.

My sisters husband died when he was only 47, that was terrible, my sister took it very bad as she relied on him heavily. her children were still quite young and she felt very lost. She actually lost it for a while.

She is much better now, she managed to find a new person and slowly but surely, believe it or not, she went back to normal, being herself, at the time I truly believed that she never would.

I hope that it is true that time is a good healer and I wish you nothing but the best.

There is a difference between getting on with it, coping, being normal - however you want to put it - and experiencing loneliness. My point is solely that, for very many people, loneliness is about none of these things, nor about their own self worth, self esteem or self perception. It is about being lonely. And I think you have to have been there to understand how it might feel. Thank you for your good wishes.

Lots of us are members of U3A (University of the Third Age) - an organisation for retired or semi-retired people which has a plethora of activities in most localities. Ours has been in existence for three years and has so many members that wherever I go in our small town I meet people I recognise. I have made a good many friends, although I have never felt that living alone is a burden to me.

I agree, U3A is great.

Dragonfly I agree. I have lived alone before and did not feel lonely. But now, having lost DH I feel intensely and deeply lonely for much of the time. U3A is great but nothing fills the yawning chasm he has left.

Sewsilver it's hard, isn't it? You can fill the hours but never that empty space.

PS if you are local to Manchester we,are having a North West meet up at the Trafford Centre on Thursday 6th February. Why don't you join us? And anybody else who can get there

I used to be very busy with a full life. I was a single parent and had three elderly relatives who I did various things for. I also worked as the CSA completely failed to provide money from Liable Relatives.
As time went by two of the elderly persons died and one of the children was old enough to begin their own life. The other child was getting older and more independent. The one older person was becoming more ill and had more difficulties. The amount of time I spent at work decreased until I gave up altogether. I then spent all my time caring for the last relative and the younger children went to start their own life with partner and children. My whole life was taken up with caring. My own health was deteriorating. The day came when the last older relative died. As a result of being a carer I had had no time, energy or inclination to see people or go anywhere. I have had little contact with others since the last death 2 years ago. As my health deteriorates I would have thought my children, having seen that my family had the habit of caring for anyone in need, would have at least spent some time with me. I get a lot of hints about how they need money for this and that. It does not help that one of my health issues is that I can not eat a normal diet therefore I a meal out or at my children;s homes or them at my home is not easy to do. I spend so much time alone and I am bored and sad that after decades of caring for others when my time came I am not given the same consideration as I gave. I am aware that the elderly persons would have done their best to help me despite age and infirmities. Younger people do not seem to think they should bother with their parents.
To top it all off now after all those years of caring a relative is now claiming to be deserving of inheriting from the family members they did not bother with or even visit in over 15 years!
It seems to be that there is a lack of decency in the world today!
I am thinking of moving away. Many of my former friends have let the area as they are not being treated well by their younger relatives. My thoughts are that I am not happy here it can not be any worse moving to another area of my own choice may be the right thing to do but as I am not visited here my children need not both to visit if I move to the seaside type of area!
SugarPuffFairy x

My 9 week stay with DD and her family here in Oz will soon be over and I will return alone to a large empty old house and I know I will be back where I left off in November - from the sublime to the ridiculous. The very thought of going home and not finding J there is just too horrible. I keep having little chats with myself saying 'you will just have to make some decisions, be brave and just b****y well get on with it' but it's not easy. It's nearly 2 years and like Silver I am left with a 'yawning chasm'. I am such a social animal that for the first time in my life I am having to learn to live without constant company and activities. I am fed up with hearing how my friends are doing this, that and the other as a couple, when I know that I will never go down that road again. There are so many things I want to do but as a 'single' it just wouldn't be right. Maybe I will meet another like minded person to spend time with one day, but I am not too hopeful. I am just fed up spending so much time with other single/divorced/widowed women!! As I said before, you can be so alone, even when surrounded by people.

Sugarpuffairy. Life does sound difficult for you. Have you seen a GP to see if you are suffering from depression? I wouldn't be surprised after what you have been through.

Have you contacted any organisations about activities in your area for older people? I do not mean day centres but many branches of Age UK (used to be Age Concern) run all sorts of activities for older people. It is certainly worth speaking to them and with your understanding of old and frail people, they could find yourself very welcome as a volunteer, not doing caring but perhaps answering the phone for queries and advice.

Moving to the seaside, or anywhere else, is a move to be undertaken with great caution. There is a thread elsewhere dating back several months when this was discussed. Look for it.

FlicketyB
I do not know how to trace older posts on here.
I have seen Drs but they are more rightly concerned with the physical stuff. I am sad after all the deaths and there have been more among friends of some 50 years standing. I just have to work through that. I will never be able to eat normally and I have to learn to cope with that and to help those who see me to understand that I am still me just a bit different. One day the deaths will not have such a profound effect on me I will accept that it was time. I have people around me who go out of their way to be difficult - it is just their way - I could do without it but I have survived worse than them.
Thank you for you comments

Gally. I hope you have a gentle landing when you return. I find that's the trouble with going away, when I get back the house is still empty and he's still not there. I'm hoping my move will help but it's feeling scary.
I like your phrase 'social animal' , it is so hard isn't it to live alone when you don't want to.

Reading about and sharing all this sadness and loneliness is probably the first step to trying to come to terms with it. Our story is that we are fortunate to have a good family with grandchildren. We are about a days car travel from them and and so only see them now and then for a week or so. We keep a caravan in their garden which works well for us because their house is not huge, but caravan living would not be our first choice.

Furthermore, as the grandchildren get older they are naturally increasingly busy with their school and social lives, as are their parents. More and more we feel redundant as grandparents, the return from family visits is very sad, and it takes some time for us to regain the routine of our normal life. Our house is always open to them, and they do come and see us, but we cannot expect them to come very often. Solutions? I wish I new...and in the event of something happening to one of us...heaven knows!

We have a scheme in our area and I think it is UK wide, Contact the Elderly.
A group of people invite people who are on their own for a cuppa and a chat, a different person hosts the meeting every time.
People are picked up and taken to the hosts house.
I know several people who are involved and it makes a huge difference and is such an easy thing to organise.

Keep Yourself busy that's the most important thing. Get yourself involved in some or the other activity.

I'm glad this thread has been revived. I think the government is getting concerned about loneliness - and perhaps a relationship with the housing problem. Has anyone else noticed that the media is dropping hints? In the last couple of days there's been bits slid in on our regional news programme about downsizing, retirement villages and supported housing and now Jill Archer is moving in with Ruth and David.