Campaign to end loneliness

Gally and ps, I too am lonely and sad. Even when I have all my wonderful children and grandchildren around me the One person I need is not here, and never will be again. Will the emptiness, loneliness ever pass - I doubt it. Let's hope it just gets essier to live with. I have put my name down to join GRAVARA, and am hopeful that will make me get out one Thursday afternoon a week. Like you both I never want another husband, partner someone living me etc etc, just someone to go to the theatre, meal etc, and no I don't want it to be another man! Mike was my one and only love.

Alie, you echo my feelings perfectly.

Lindy what is GRAVARA?

Gally, ps, lindy.
I am in the same situation but with the handicap of disability.
I still work part time and it seems a lot of the time off is spent preparing for the work!
The rest of the time I'm too tired!
The problem is that when I do retire, I haven't the faintest idea what I will do with myself?

Gally, GRAVARA is Active Retirement Association, there are lots of them all over the sout Gravara is the Gravesend branch.
They have talks and coffee and biscuits once a month, arrange outings ie The Shard, France for the Day, etc. I just thought it ideal as everyone will be 50 or over and the trips will get me out. Galan having a disability must be even worse. I look after my grandson Monday to Friday for my daughter, once he starts school September 2014 I will get a part time job again.

I've just read a study(American) where they say taking up a new skill in retirement is good for mental health. They specifically mention quilting and chess. I took up the former and found it addictive and widened my acquaintance. I would like to try chess and would like to find a daytime class to learn.
Galen can you ease yourself into retirement by planning a regular activity. An afternoon matinee with your wheelchair so the staff at your theatre will get to know you etc. I find the panto season a bit bleak as the DGCs can only go as often as you can stand it. I worried that my DH would take badly to retirement and some days it is grim but three years on its getting better .

It's a good idea to research local activities before retirement Galen.You may well find there are so many that you can't fit them all in! A friend in Clevedon recently went to a course in Archeology -think it was in the library.

Gally I did not realise your not been alone that long it must be very hard at times well done for keeping so busy when do retire Important find thing to do that focus your day I find.

I still have few beauty clients trained as massage Therapist mainly to keep me sane after daughter cut me off. I now find it lovely oh retired apart from one day but do wish he has interest or hobby bless him.
We go folk dancing once week and to barn dances with friends which is great fun despite my creaky knees.
I am not yet 60 so want keep active as can and find my monthly membership to leisure centre going acquacise least twice week gets me out and socialising.

I can even feel lonely when oh and I alone as sadly will always miss my daughter and have try hard not dwell on my little granddaughter especially new baby.

Keep smiling!

I don't often feel lonely. I joined a church when I moved here and made friends. I do however miss my children quite badly. Four of my five children live within five minutes drive of me yet they only seem to remember where I live when they want something. One visit a month from each of them would mean one visit a week from a family member.

I do agree that elderly people are often their own worst enemy by complaining and sounding miserable when people do visit. My ex mother in law was so unpleasant she managed to alienate everyone who visited her, mainly because she would not make any effort to join in anything or look outside herself. My godmother, on the other hand was always a joy to visit as she was so interested in the world about her. She volunteered in a charity shop well into her 80s and genuinely cared about others. I try to be upbeat and amusing and not sound needy when my son phones or emails (he Is overseas) I would hate him just to contact me out of guilt.

My girlfriends and I have decided that when the time comes we shall take over an entire wing of an old folks home and pretend we are back at college - midnight cocoa parties and rock music!

It's a fact - nowadays more and more people are ending up leading lonely lives, particularly in the winter. At Christmastime, especially, the sight of all those others enjoying themselves together can make things feel much worse. So what can we do to try and lift our spirits during the long festive period? Obviously, going out and meeting people is desirable but not always possible. At home radio, TV, computer involvement, reading, craft-work and game-playing can help. Perhaps a period of hibernation might be a good idea? Beyond that I'm open to suggestions!

Why not online open forums similar to video conferencing so that participants can chat and see each other as they do it? It could be possible to have an online University of the third Age where participants can learn and socialise together online.

I also think that, while a lot of time is spent encouraging people to save for retirement and there is a lot of talk about suitable housing and down sizing etc. Nobody encourages us to think about how we are going to spend our time in retirement, or how we are going to adjust to changes in our lives. There was a sad letter in newspaper some months ago, a man living alone, retired for about a year, complaining about the quality of daytime television
'because once you retire watching television is all you have to do' and retired people deserved better programs to watch.

Just before he retired DH was discussing what he intended to do after he retired with a colleague due to retire in 5 years time. DH was talking about how after 40 years as an engineer he was going back to university to study music, the garden railway he was building and so on. His colleague looked at him with panic and said 'I have no hobbies and and have never thought about what I would do with my days once I retire.'

everyone gets lonely some point in their life but the worst loneliness is the isolation one feels...the lack of social contact ...i can fill my hours but the lack of social contact for me is awful...i rarely go out because of health problems...there is nothing locally in my area to go to to meet people...ive no friends apart from ones ive made online none of which live local to me...i can go for weeks not seeing anyone ...

dollie bless your heart, you sound so sad .
I hear what your saying about isolation, I am on my own in a tiny village, and can go days sometimes without seeing or talking to anyone, but I am lucky in that I still work, so do get to see and talk to people there.
I work in a school, so have been 'home alone' for the last 2 weeks. Saw my youngest DS couple of times, and had a friend pop in for couple of hours, but, on the whole, it's just been me and 3 cats sitting here!
I have done some baking, lord knows why 'cos I've now got 3 cakes to get through by myself, but mostly been cleaning, sorting, doing crosswords or fiddling about on the computer.
Like you, I can fill the time, but it's a long, lonely process.
Have you the means to Skype any of your online friends? Have a face to face conversation now and then?
Take care ((((hugs))))

yes gratefulgran i do skype friends ive made on line but its not the same as actually being in a room with someone and having that contact..my one regret was never learning to drive i didnt even think about learning as husband took me everywhere but he died ....all his relatives and so called friends ive not seen or heard from in over 4 years!!!!!i am lucky i live close to the village centre and i can just about manage to walk there and back..

A good tip to battle loneliness is to have self worth x x

eliza wise words.

But easier said than done!

Yes indeed, Ana

I try to keep busy during the day with U3A Groups, volunteering, meeting friends when possible etc. ,but evenings and weekends can be quite lonely, I don't have a car, so am not really happy to go out alone in the evening .Some weekends are ok if I get chance to see my DD and grandson, usually only when my SIL is at work, or sleeping after a Night Duty, as today. My other Granddaughters live 300 miles away and I saw them for a few hours in the new year ,after a whole year of not seeing them at all. Now over 5 years since I lost my DH and still find it hard not to have the companionship of another person .

Hello Ana I appreciate what you say. I think if you haven't always had inner self worth it could be hard to feel it.

But why would you not have self worth, how many of YOU are there in the world, none! There are millions of people in the world but only one Ana, and there will never ever be another YOU/Ana, you are special.

Hello eliza - I'm not saying that I lack a feeling of self-worth myself, but I do know that depressed people often do, and it can't just be a case of deciding to have some!

No, you are right. it would not be a case of deciding to have some, but I do believe you could work towards having a different attitude about yourself.

I have been depressed and it is true to say that it can be hard but must still go on believing in yourself if at all possible.

Sure, eliza, but self worth doesn't warm your bed at night, give you a hug when you're down, make you a cuppa when you're busy, hold your hand when you're scared or ask you how your day has gone. Nor does it wonder whether you're safe when you're out on your own, welcome you home with a smile or put the bins out. Some of us are lonely. With or without a sense if self worth.

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