Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Would you let your 19yr old daughter share a double bed with her boyfriend?

(95 Posts)
gramps Tue 24-Jun-14 18:18:05

That is something which seems more the case than in the past. This is a young lady going to college next year and very much in love with her boyfriend of the same age.
They are both lovely people and I see no wrong in it for them providing safety is preserved!

Riverwalk Tue 24-Jun-14 18:30:24

Interesting question gramps and my answer is no!

I have two boys and when they were 19 if they brought a girl home she stayed in the spare room.

whenim64 Tue 24-Jun-14 18:30:53

If they're in a steady relationship I don't think I would object if they're both over the age of consent, but I would expect them to keep the noise down! grin

Nanabelle Tue 24-Jun-14 18:31:59

If they have been going out some time, then, yes. If you ban them at home, they will still find places to be together elsewhere, and how nice really that they are comfortable and confident enough to want to share a bed in a parent's home.
One night stands are a different thing altogether and that would for me be a big no!

tanith Tue 24-Jun-14 18:34:55

No problem here if they are going steady.

penguinpaperback Tue 24-Jun-14 18:35:15

Agree with whenim64

Elegran Tue 24-Jun-14 18:35:22

This is a tricky one now that it is no longer a flat "not under my roof you don't" If it is a steady boyfriend, then my answer would be to grin and bear it - if safety is preserved, as you say, and if they are diiscreet about what they get up to. Particularly if there are younger siblings in the house, or elderly relatives, it is just not on to be very athletic and vocal, and in that case, I think boy-friend would find the sofa suggested to him.

At what point does a new romance morph into a steady beau? Good question!

Ana Tue 24-Jun-14 18:42:52

It's better than them having to share a single bed! Goodness, 19 is certainly old enough to make decisions of that sort - does anyone really use the phrase 'going steady' these days? (Apart from on here, obviously...)

Riverwalk Tue 24-Jun-14 18:43:51

Elegran and Gramps what is this 'safety' that you refer to?

kittylester Tue 24-Jun-14 18:46:25

No! But I would ignore creaking of floor boards in the night! grin We always had this rule because we usually had younger daughters in the house! grin

gramps Tue 24-Jun-14 18:50:49

I would not have dared to suggest it in my youth!

Aka Tue 24-Jun-14 18:52:18

Why not?

I remember once when my son and his long-term girlfriend (future wife) were visiting and my daughter arrived home unexpectedly from university. That left us a bed short, so I asked my son and his girlfriend if they would mind sharing a bed grin

gramps Tue 24-Jun-14 18:55:13

Well, in the 1940s and early 50s it was the barbershop and "something for the weekend Sir?"

gramps Tue 24-Jun-14 18:57:27

I had a very strict father!

sparkygran Tue 24-Jun-14 18:58:57

I want to scream no, no, no but that is just me and I am realistic enough to know that today that is very old fashioned. I just thank God that mine are all past and the GC are all too young - talk about opting out

Ana Tue 24-Jun-14 19:01:46

I can't believe how prudish old fashioned some GNetters seem to be! confused (*gramps*, I'll make an exception for you because I know you are Very Old...grin)

Aka Tue 24-Jun-14 19:05:15

Is he Ana?

Are you Gramps?

Riverwalk Tue 24-Jun-14 19:06:13

Do you mean contraception gramps?

Your 19-year old daughter could well be in love, with a chap she met last week - so morally it's OK as long as she doesn't get pregnant hmm

Next week she could be in love with someone else!

penguinpaperback Tue 24-Jun-14 19:29:34

I read the OP as the young couple are very much in love, meaning they have been in a long relationship. I married at 19, still am married, to the same man.

Elegran Tue 24-Jun-14 19:31:21

Imagine Gramps meant contraception and also all the other sensible things that we hope our children pay attention to - not jumping into bed the moment they meet someone gorgeous, not being taken in by con artists with a wife and six children somewhere, and so on. That is what I meant by safety.

No-one except old fogies on Gransnet talks about steady boy or girlfriends any more, but the concept is still around. There are people you go out with a few times and drift away from, and there are people you see regularly for a long time. These days there may well be sex with the temporary ones, but I would hope that these are not the ones who are brought "home" and expect to sleep in conjugal comfort in a nice big double bed and be treated as inlaws. If they are to be considered permanent, a spell on the sofa is a good test of stickability.

janeainsworth Tue 24-Jun-14 19:32:47

I think the presence of parents under the same roof is actually quite inhibiting, whatever one's age grin

lucyinthesky Tue 24-Jun-14 19:52:11

Why not? If they are in a good relationship isn't it better for them to be at home? At 19 they are adults, old enough to vote, to get married, fight (and die for their country)

Both my daughters were allowed their boyfriends to stay overnight in their room at that age.

annodomini Tue 24-Jun-14 20:21:15

No question. They are adults at 19. If they want to sleep together, they will find a way to do it whether you like it or not. What is the point of alienating them by putting your foot down? One night stands? To be discouraged.

petallus Tue 24-Jun-14 20:40:20

What about if the daughter is somebody else's?

My DGS, now aged 25, has lived with me for the last 9 years.

A few years ago he started bringing friends back at the weekend if they needed somewhere to sleep after a night out. Sometimes it would be several friends, mixed sexes, all crammed into his room.

Young folk do that these days, it seems, sleep in the same room on a platonic basis

There have also been girlfriends who stayed over regularly. I decided if the girls' mothers did not object to them sleeping in the same bed as my GS, then it was okay with me.

My other DD (not my DGS's mother) reckons I would take a completely different attitude if it was my DGD involved and not a GS.

I'm not sure about this except early conditioning is hard to shake off. Things were so different when I was that age. I might feel more protective with a GD.

merlotgran Tue 24-Jun-14 20:46:51

I wouldn't have a problem with it but like kittylester I wouldn't want it to be 'obvious' if there were younger children in the house.

Funny this thread should appear because today a friend told me she was aghast because her daughter and SIL were going to allow their 16 yr old son and girlfriend to sleep together in their house when she visits at weekends.

I would be aghast as well but is this where things are going??