Would you let your 19yr old daughter share a double bed with her boyfriend?

Of course I would let them - and I did!

I let my 18yr old daughter's boyfriend stay in her room. They had been going steady for about a year then. I had no problem with it, they were both adults after all, and anything I said against it would very likely have been ignored. Her boyfriend is now my SiL and the father of my four beautiful grandchildren.

(Her being DD2)

The first time we met future DSiL2 was when he emerged from her bedroom one morning. We knew of his existence but didn't know he'd come home with her. She'd have been 19 at the time. I remember not being shocked and being surprised at my own reaction.

My son had his own flat hundreds of miles away. (after uni) He came home on a visit bringing his girlfriend of about 6 months. She is now his wife for 10 years.

I didn't ask about arrangements.
I set up spare bedroom for the two of them with towels and also a girly dressing gown. And said, the other bedroom is there if either of you want it.

Being one of four girls, each with our own room, and parents who slept apart, each with their own, even though the house was huge it meant a lack of guest accommodation when we needed friends of any sex to stay the night. My mother couldn't have cared less, she said rather we were somewhere safe and not likely to be done for 'lewd behaviour' in public, and she didn't want young untidy males sprawled all over her sitting room in the morning when she came down. So we took that to mean she wanted them in our rooms, and she quietly bought us all sleeping bags and said that it would be wise of us to use them if our father should investigate. Which he did one morning. It only took him about two years to realise what was going on, he was a bit slow on the uptake, but as we peered at him innocently from our beds with our boyfriends on the other sides of the room in their sleeping bag, we just said it was Mummy's idea. Big row, but somehow she won!

However, when I look back, I wonder why she didn't make us double up and sling the males together.

I just asked the children where they wanted to sleep, and told them to sort out bedding. It was such a minefield when I was growing up, I didn't want that for my children. They appear to have emerged from it unscathed - so far.

Hypocritical of me, but no, I wouldn't - yes, it goes on, but the same as they don't like to acknowledge that their parents and grandparents might have a sex life, I dont want to overhear/think about theirs !

Yes, I did. They were both 20 at the time and the boy had been a regular visitor to our house for about 6mths before the issue was raised. He is now her husband.
Her brother was 17 at the time. It hasn't happened with him as at 23 he's never had a girlfriend.

I don't think I would Gramps but I am sure that that will stop them doing what they want to do

All you can do is hope that you have taught your children to do the right thing at the right time.

Apparently we are regarded as unusual, Atqui. But I do remember a work colleague, the same age as me, assuming that I, too, had never had sex or left home until I was married.

It's a bit strange that the question is 'would you?' rather than 'Did you?' Was I unusual in allowing my daughters to sleep with their boyfriends in our home when they were 18 ish.?They are in their thirties now , so it was quite some time ago.

Going steady is now deemed to be " in a relationship". People not in one are "single", which is no longer the opposite of married as it was. Apparently the big test is if you call and are called the boyfriend or girlfriend of the other person. As has come up on another thread, modern usage is a minefield .
We would not allow sons to sleep with girlfriends as we had a much younger daughter. However it gradually crept in after they were at uni but only when they were in a relationship, see above. I think encouraging a sexual relationship in 16 year olds is foolhardy and irresponsible. Sex can make babies, a 19 year old could cope with this, a16 year old probably couldn't.
Apart from this, I think it much depends on what parents are comfortable with.

I think at that age they are adults and far rather they together and are at home than somewhere else.

My MIL bought our double bed for a wedding present and wouldn't allow it to be delivered until we were on honeymoon. We had the flat for 6 months before the wedding to decorate if you see what I mean

I'm not in a time warp, Ana but I would feel uncomfortable about two sixteen year olds sleeping together in a room probably next to mine.

They may not have gone as far as having sex in their relationship but surely 'heavy petting' as we used to call it is better explored away from the home atmosphere. We all know it will eventually lead to full sex.

What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over and making sure they are aware of the risks and are taking precautions is more responsible than providing them with the bed to do it in because 'they're going to do it anyway.'

what if the daughter is someone else's asked petallus

And that's what was always foremost in my mind - I wouldn't have allowed a teenage daughter to bring home various chaps to share her bed, so I applied the same rule to my sons.

It was more putting myself in the shoes of the girl's mother.

It wasn't a big deal or a major talking point .... that's just the way it was, visitors went into the spare room!

You have a short memory Ana if by couple you actually mean 'a couple'.

DD2 went on holiday and shared a room with a male friend before she met DSiL. He is now Godfather to one of her daughters!

Who says they're going to be 'screwing'? That's just what you imagine they'll be doing, Stansgran (and others). A young couple can actually sleep together without having sex.

I'm in a time warp. If they are that in love a night on the sofa won't hurt. I refused to be embarrassed in my own home and a young man I didn't know well screwing my DD would embarrass me. Their husbands still joke about being relegated to the garage(not true)

Going? Where have you been for the past 20 years or so, merlot?

I'm really amazed by some of the views expressed on this thread, it's as though I'm in a time-warp!

I wouldn't have a problem with it but like kittylester I wouldn't want it to be 'obvious' if there were younger children in the house.

Funny this thread should appear because today a friend told me she was aghast because her daughter and SIL were going to allow their 16 yr old son and girlfriend to sleep together in their house when she visits at weekends.

I would be aghast as well but is this where things are going??

What about if the daughter is somebody else's?

My DGS, now aged 25, has lived with me for the last 9 years.

A few years ago he started bringing friends back at the weekend if they needed somewhere to sleep after a night out. Sometimes it would be several friends, mixed sexes, all crammed into his room.

Young folk do that these days, it seems, sleep in the same room on a platonic basis

There have also been girlfriends who stayed over regularly. I decided if the girls' mothers did not object to them sleeping in the same bed as my GS, then it was okay with me.

My other DD (not my DGS's mother) reckons I would take a completely different attitude if it was my DGD involved and not a GS.

I'm not sure about this except early conditioning is hard to shake off. Things were so different when I was that age. I might feel more protective with a GD.

No question. They are adults at 19. If they want to sleep together, they will find a way to do it whether you like it or not. What is the point of alienating them by putting your foot down? One night stands? To be discouraged.

Why not? If they are in a good relationship isn't it better for them to be at home? At 19 they are adults, old enough to vote, to get married, fight (and die for their country)

Both my daughters were allowed their boyfriends to stay overnight in their room at that age.

I think the presence of parents under the same roof is actually quite inhibiting, whatever one's age