Hi please help

As you say someone posts a problem and then disppears. In my short time on GN I have seen this happen a lot. However, it is good that so many people try to offer genuine advice and help and if the original poster doesn't come back then maybe others with similar problems can be helped. I am one of the people who have followed someone else's thread as it applied to me too and the support offered has been helpful, so for all those who have given advice don't feel disheartened as someone might have been helped to all those who are trying to give support to others

If he won't go and you don't want him at home. Call the police, particularly if he is behaving in a threatening way or will not give you access to your car.

I know this sounds brutal advice but if you are in a position where it is impossible to deal with him and insist he obeys your rules in your home, that is what needs to be done.

I fully understand that all of us want to deal with family problems within the family and certainly do not want to admit outside the family that a grown-up child's behaviour has moved into the domestic violence sector, but for the sake of your health and welfare it is better to face up and realise the extent of his abuse now before matters get worse.

Especially during school holidays.

Happens – a lot.

As far as I'm aware, no-one has been anything that could be deemed "impolite" , and there has been a lot of good advice given and sympathy/empathy shown, but tonia54 seems to have disappeared.

No. Just saying.

I don't think anyone has been impolite have they?

Apologies for my post on this page - I read the first 2 pages then didn't register the scenario had changed later.

agree!

New posters with problems should get practical advice if they ask for it, but it is only fair to ask them to clarify anything we do not understand.

If they don't stay around once they have received replies, that is their prerogative. We can think what we like, though we should be polite in our comments if the poster has been polite in theirs.

I was a "Sam" for some years and we used to get hoax and fantasy calls-often obscene- as well as people in genuine distress. We were taught while not being naive, nevertheless start off by take calls at face value initially as it was better to be "taken in" (as we often were) by a frivolous or even malicious call, than to risk turning away a genuine cry for help. As someone might say "just saying".

Exactly mini as experience is worth nothing if we don't learn from it !!!

It is experience in operation!

Should we not give "new" posters the benefit of the doubt and if they never reappear, just write it up to experience?

A similar thing happened to my friend, though in her case it was her step daughter and family.
Eventually she told them she was moving out to stay with her sister until the family left. Which they did a few weeks later when my friend's husband had had enough too and kicked them out.
Otherwise perhaps lay down rules that certain rooms in the house are no-go areas for them, so you can have some privacy.

Plus ca change, plus ce la meme chose!

No doubt Paula or Eliza could have given tonia some good advice, if only the were around.

As Elegran rather astutely noticed her story wasn't consistent, at which point she left the thread

I wonder if this has just been the spin off from a bit of a bust up and tonia has calmed down. She says she told her son they could stay a couple of months but in her post admits they only moved in a couple of weeks ago. If DIL and the baby have just gone to * her* parents we are really not talking about a long term problem are we? Hope this particular spat has blown over now but perhaps it is a cautionary tale.

I agree with the post advising that mother and son go together to housing to see what the options are.
That way it can be made 100% clear that living with mum s a short term arrangement that cannot go on for more than a few weeks. Presumably son is paying mum rent/housekeeping?

Perhaps tonia hasn't found the help and sympathy she hoped for. It can be hard if you don't get exactly the response you want to hear but we are not here merely to rubber stamp members' opinions. If we ask for opinions we need to be prepared to hear what others actually think. Perhaps she has gone elsewhere. If you are still around tonia do share your reactions and if we have misunderstood you perhaps you could clear up what you might see as misunderstandings.

In fact don't think she's posted all day...[tchpuzzled]?

Phoenix you're right, I noticed that, too.

tonia54 what you are describing is abuse and elders abuse is a growing problem. There is an organisation which can help. You can find their details here www.elderabuse.org.uk/contactus.html
Please give them a ring I am sure they will help you sort things out.

Where has she gone? She was posting responses to almost every post on this thread, but now seems to have disappeared?