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Relationships - Are they worth it in the end

(58 Posts)
Parcs Mon 06-Apr-15 19:58:46

Lately I have felt that relationships with either children or OH/DH really are more trouble and bring more sadness than happiness.

After reading lots of posts on Gransnet I have found that there are many families in turmoil.

I know it is not a notion that one would think of, but I really do feel that sometimes we are better off on our own, peace, tranquillity, freedom to live your life your way and having not to please anyone Blissss

Ana Mon 06-Apr-15 20:04:24

I do think that some people, of either sex, are natural loners who sometimes find close relationships problematical, but there are a lot more who need partners, family and friends to feel a sense of belonging.

I don't know whether the latter type would ever feel happy or content beng on their own.

Marelli Mon 06-Apr-15 20:06:06

No....can't agree there, Parcs. Many families may be in 'turmoil' as you describe it, and I've experienced really serious problems myself with my own family, which I won't go into again on GN, though many of the original members know about it and were really very supportive at the time.
I would never, ever not wanted to have had the children that I've had. Even if it's meant turmoil in my life.

Ariadne Mon 06-Apr-15 20:10:02

I cannot imagine life without my family.

kittylester Mon 06-Apr-15 20:12:11

I agree with Marelli. Lots of worry, pain and difficulties with families, but I'd rather cope with that than cope without them at all!

granjura Mon 06-Apr-15 20:20:07

So true, same here.

J52 Mon 06-Apr-15 20:32:59

Interaction with others, especially close family does involve ups and downs, as does life in general. I could not imagine life without my much loved DH, DSs and their families. x

Grannyknot Mon 06-Apr-15 20:51:59

Relationships are the most challenging, complex, fascinating, interesting things. I wouldn't have missed experiencing every relationship I've ever had, warts, wonder and all.

Lona Mon 06-Apr-15 20:52:40

Plenty of turmoil in my family (that's an understatement!) but I would never want to be without my children and grandchildren, however, I'm much happier without a partner.
Two husbands and two longish relationships brought nothing but trouble and heartache.
Just my experience I know, and I'm sad that I could never trust anyone again.

loopylou Mon 06-Apr-15 20:54:17

Absolutely cannot imagine a life without a family.
I think despite the ups and downs life's enriched by children, grandchildren etc.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 06-Apr-15 20:56:12

I wouldn't be without my little bunch. We've got the grandsons here at the moment. The house is a mess, but it's just jolly while they're around. (Even though I do want a cuddle and the little so and so's are having none of it hmm) grin

durhamjen Mon 06-Apr-15 20:59:29

Careful what you wish for, Parcs.

Jane10 Mon 06-Apr-15 21:16:55

I would never never want to be without my family. However I do like time to myself sometimes. Maybe that's what might help the OP to feel a bit happier? Some respite from the remorselessness of relationship ups and downs? Maybe this is just a blip and she'll feel a bit happier soon? I hope so. Families are worth it!

etheltbags1 Mon 06-Apr-15 21:31:57

I love my family but I have had contact of about 1 hour with dd this easter, had dgd for an overnight stay but after that apart from a miserable old mother I have seen no one nor had any quality contact with the outside world. I went to a local forest alone to watch red squirrels.
Until the end of last year I was too interested in work to make new friends, the old ones I have had for many years but they knew that I was never available at nights but it is being alone that I hate now I cannot work.
I want interesting people that I can debate with/argue with, not boring unintelligent pensioners that live near me. However I could not live with anyone as I like my own way too much, I don't want to be tied to a partner to have to do meals etc/go where they want. despite this I am lonely so I don't think there is a solution to this problem. My friends all seem to fight with their family, one is banned from seeing her gc, the other doesn't speak to her son etc etc.

Mishap Mon 06-Apr-15 21:36:43

Relationships with others are all we have and are the essence of being human. That does not mean they are always easy.

There are very few true loners.

absent Mon 06-Apr-15 21:37:30

etheltbags1 Are pensioners boring and unintelligent by definition or are you just unlucky with your neighbours? smile

etheltbags1 Mon 06-Apr-15 21:46:07

No absent its just that the ones I know seem to talk about shopping, housework, moaning about who gets what social benefits and so on, my mother and aunt are the same. I do know older people who are not like that and are broad minded, go to work, travel and 'grow old disgracefully' but im not lucky to meet any at the minute. I met a lady who died her hair pink for her 60th birthday and I did the same but I got a roasting from my family for being silly. For once in my life I want to do something for me, that no one has advised me or told me to do. Anything but live with this lower class respectability that I live with ie net curtains/vertical blinds, etc. Washing the curtains just because its easter, cutting the grass just because the neighbours will scorn if its not mown. I want to meet someone who just doesn't care about the norms but theres no one on this council run estate who is like this.

Mishap Mon 06-Apr-15 21:50:39

Great to hear you dyed your hair - I have very dark brown hair with no grey, but have always said that I will go for pink streaks when is starts to go grey. I know my family would think it was brilliant!

etheltbags1 Mon 06-Apr-15 21:55:05

It washed out and I think the chemo might affect it if I dye again, might ask the nurses if I can do it again. I feel like a teenager as I mainly want to do it to annoy my DD and mother.

Anne58 Mon 06-Apr-15 21:56:50


Ana Mon 06-Apr-15 21:57:47

Washing the curtains because it's Easter! grin

I just replace mine if they're getting a bit past it...CBA with washing curtains.

Marelli Mon 06-Apr-15 22:02:19

Why don't you make the effort to do so, then, ethel? Perhaps the people that you speak to think that's all you can talk about as well...hmm. Nowt wrong with the lower classes by the way....

annodomini Mon 06-Apr-15 22:04:52

My curtains are dry-cleaned when necessary - not at Easter! And by the way, etheltbags, I've been a pensioner for nearly 15 years and my conversation certainly isn't all about housework, shopping and benefits!

Ana Mon 06-Apr-15 22:08:31

Are you having a dissatisfied-with-life wind-up episode again, ethel?
Can't say I blame you with what you've been through.

etheltbags1 Mon 06-Apr-15 22:10:35

I never said there was anything wrong with lower classes, I have to live like this, I just want to find someone interesting to do to fill my long boring days without work. I don't talk about shopping/housework and yes I do sometimes replace my curtains instead of washing.

I once met a woman of my age who said she was a witch, her house was full of skulls and witchy books etc, she wore black and had a white face with black make up but I met her through work and she lived in a really posh house but what an interesting character she was. I am aware she could be dangerous but as for as I was concerned she was just a way of brightening my day, I never saw her again but much more interesting than 80 year olds.