Relationships - Are they worth it in the end

Where are you?
Are you near any of us?

ethel you told us only last week that your treatment is going well!

It might be good to stop this wallowing and worrying and get on with your life, but there again, if it helps to have a moan on here feel free!

Over the last 40 years or so I have joined sewing classes, art ,life drawing, therapies, knitting, reading swimming excersise, yoga tai chi and many more. yes I have made friends, my friend who now lives 200 miles away was my constant companion for 5 years till she moved. I find that this works during term time and I can meet up for coffee etc with other students but when term ends they all have their own families and its the same with weekends and I am alone its the same with having an affair, the man goes off with his family and I am left.
Oh yes I have sought and found !

ethelbags1 lots of groups/activities where I live. From WI to a local walking group to dance classes and aqua classes etc etc. I have met loads of interesting women from a wide range of backgrounds and different ages since moving here 3 years ago. Seek and ye shall find!

I do need to be at work I am crying as I write this, if my treatment is not going well I don't think I can stand week after week of this enforced lonliness, trouble is that when Im at work I will forget about making new friends and go back to being a workaholic.

see the tread re 'great canal journeys', why cant my neighbours be like timothy and prue.
I realise not everyone can afford to have holidays as I cant but it does prove that some 80+ years old can get out and about.

You do sound bored, ethel, but when you get back to work perhaps you can expand your network of friends and acquaintences and find a bit more joy in life. Good luck with that!

I never said there was anything wrong with lower classes, I have to live like this, I just want to find someone interesting to do to fill my long boring days without work. I don't talk about shopping/housework and yes I do sometimes replace my curtains instead of washing.

I once met a woman of my age who said she was a witch, her house was full of skulls and witchy books etc, she wore black and had a white face with black make up but I met her through work and she lived in a really posh house but what an interesting character she was. I am aware she could be dangerous but as for as I was concerned she was just a way of brightening my day, I never saw her again but much more interesting than 80 year olds.

Are you having a dissatisfied-with-life wind-up episode again, ethel?
Can't say I blame you with what you've been through.

My curtains are dry-cleaned when necessary - not at Easter! And by the way, etheltbags, I've been a pensioner for nearly 15 years and my conversation certainly isn't all about housework, shopping and benefits!

Why don't you make the effort to do so, then, ethel? Perhaps the people that you speak to think that's all you can talk about as well.... Nowt wrong with the lower classes by the way....

Washing the curtains because it's Easter!

I just replace mine if they're getting a bit past it...CBA with washing curtains.

It washed out and I think the chemo might affect it if I dye again, might ask the nurses if I can do it again. I feel like a teenager as I mainly want to do it to annoy my DD and mother.

Great to hear you dyed your hair - I have very dark brown hair with no grey, but have always said that I will go for pink streaks when is starts to go grey. I know my family would think it was brilliant!

No absent its just that the ones I know seem to talk about shopping, housework, moaning about who gets what social benefits and so on, my mother and aunt are the same. I do know older people who are not like that and are broad minded, go to work, travel and 'grow old disgracefully' but im not lucky to meet any at the minute. I met a lady who died her hair pink for her 60th birthday and I did the same but I got a roasting from my family for being silly. For once in my life I want to do something for me, that no one has advised me or told me to do. Anything but live with this lower class respectability that I live with ie net curtains/vertical blinds, etc. Washing the curtains just because its easter, cutting the grass just because the neighbours will scorn if its not mown. I want to meet someone who just doesn't care about the norms but theres no one on this council run estate who is like this.

etheltbags1 Are pensioners boring and unintelligent by definition or are you just unlucky with your neighbours?

Relationships with others are all we have and are the essence of being human. That does not mean they are always easy.

There are very few true loners.

I love my family but I have had contact of about 1 hour with dd this easter, had dgd for an overnight stay but after that apart from a miserable old mother I have seen no one nor had any quality contact with the outside world. I went to a local forest alone to watch red squirrels.
Until the end of last year I was too interested in work to make new friends, the old ones I have had for many years but they knew that I was never available at nights but it is being alone that I hate now I cannot work.
I want interesting people that I can debate with/argue with, not boring unintelligent pensioners that live near me. However I could not live with anyone as I like my own way too much, I don't want to be tied to a partner to have to do meals etc/go where they want. despite this I am lonely so I don't think there is a solution to this problem. My friends all seem to fight with their family, one is banned from seeing her gc, the other doesn't speak to her son etc etc.

I would never never want to be without my family. However I do like time to myself sometimes. Maybe that's what might help the OP to feel a bit happier? Some respite from the remorselessness of relationship ups and downs? Maybe this is just a blip and she'll feel a bit happier soon? I hope so. Families are worth it!

Careful what you wish for, Parcs.

I wouldn't be without my little bunch. We've got the grandsons here at the moment. The house is a mess, but it's just jolly while they're around. (Even though I do want a cuddle and the little so and so's are having none of it )

Absolutely cannot imagine a life without a family.
I think despite the ups and downs life's enriched by children, grandchildren etc.

Plenty of turmoil in my family (that's an understatement!) but I would never want to be without my children and grandchildren, however, I'm much happier without a partner.
Two husbands and two longish relationships brought nothing but trouble and heartache.
Just my experience I know, and I'm sad that I could never trust anyone again.