Hopeless dilemma

Oh good - he won't be around for much longer then!

I was thinking the same, jingl...

(I mean why start this up again?)

Why?!!!

Yet another disrupted or digressed thread, and it was such an important topic for the OP.

Rather you then me petra

There is no point in continuing with this thread because the OP has said she is going to reply to those who have supported her via PMs'

Her dilemma will be resolved regardless of what is written on here so this thread is in danger of becoming yet another unecessary slanging match.

Pettalus. I was being very restrained in that post.

I would rather be without him if he hit my child, it will happen eventually anyway. Meanwhile never leave children in his care.

I immediately wish I had not picked specifically on Petra's post.

There have been a number of distasteful/disgraceful posts in the last few days.

And GN was never the haven of peace and light that some people chose to think it was.

Finally I agree with just about everything jbf has said in her last few posts.

petra your post is disgraceful as are some of the others on this thread.

They say more about the posters than they do about the target, without a doubt.

If you are in financial thrall to a member of your family as is Lucky's DD ,then it is probably the equivalent of turning on your boss before you get sacked if she rounded on him. Keep the little one out of his way and if asked why he doesn't see his DGS tell the truth . I once heard my MIL threaten my daughter( 14 months) when the baby was trying to grab her shiny metal glasses. Mil was on holiday with us as my brother's guest. I didn't say anything but kept between her and her Gran from then on.

I am glad there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel Lucky. One of the most distressing things in life is to feel impotent (I know that feeling very well as far as DD and her husband are concerned!) and there isn't really a solution apart from confiding in friends. I hope you consider us to be your friends (with obvious glaring exceptions!) and will continue to tell us when there are things that are troubling you.

In fact, I hope the rest of us continue to be as supportive as GN can and used to be. The helpful posts on here outweigh the 'unhelpful' ones but the message can easily get lost when one or two people do not know when to shut the f**k up!!

I'm sure most of you have heard the phrase 'Don't feed the monster' now is the time to REALLY put it into practice.

The diabetes link to mood swings could be significant. I spent all my married life watching family members tiptoeing round DFIL (type 1) and his moods. He could destroy a family occasion in five minutes!!

Fortunately he was not physically abusive but he was so much the centre of his own universe he was difficult to like.

I stood up to him every time he tried to throw a spanner in the works. Family life would have been intolerable otherwise.

Luckygirl, I'm afraid your DD and SiL are going to have to deal with it in foreceful terms and not be cowed by his possible derailing of their business affairs.

soon as I said very early on the fact that so many people have no such experience is good because it means this is relatively uncommon but if you had the slightest idea of what this family is going through or even a drop of empathy you would stop right now (as you have said you will). You have no idea how to deal with a man such as this and making such ill-thought out comments is not helpful, it is destructive. Please just stop digging.

Oh, for God's sake! Can't you have a bit of understanding for someone who just doesn't see reality in quite the same way as perhaps the majority do?! Enough of this self-pitying lack of decent empathy. Why not ignore posts that sometimes seem to fall a little short of reality?

I think your little grandson might well have benefitted from seeing and hearing his mum stand up for him against someone who had hurt him.

(There's been a lot of 'feeding the troll' here, which hasn't helped! Ignoring is the best policy, I think )

Luckygirl I think it's wonderful your DD felt able to share her anger with you - it may not have helped to have directly confronted an angry, aggressive man on the spot, and as he is part of their lives anyway, she would know she had plenty of opportunity to tackle the situation at a later moment. Her priority was removing her little son to safety - absolutely right - and dealing with his distress.

I'm glad your latest message indicates some resolution.

Yes -I think they do Jingl - and any need to challenge should be couched in kind terms. It is what matters most in the world.

Why didn't my DD read the riot act at the time? - because she was trying to calm and comfort a very distressed child and did not want to give him more to be disturbed about - i.e. adults shouting at each other. She did the right thing in prioritizing her child's well-being above her need to let of steam by taking him away from the situation - I applaud her for that. It cannot have been easy. As you say, self-restraint was the more difficult option, but she took it for the sake of her children.

There has been a degree of resolution of this situation and later I will pm those who have kindly contributed their useful contributions to this thread.

As for soon leaving the thread.....!

What a shame that this forum is being dominated in this way. I am going to become another lurker until this is resolved - life is just to short!

Soon2B you are incredible
Or perhaps youre a very clever troll?

I agree with milk of human kindness. Very important.
But posters think that saying a sil should come home early is unkind? Oh dear.

Luckygirl I can imagine how upset and angry both you and your DD must be feeling about what has happened. A truly horrible situation

I do agree with Jingl that the best and most logical thing to do would have been for your DD to have expressed her feelings and views on the spot and in no uncertain terms but sometimes you can just be stunned into silence and inaction. Also some people are just better than others at dealing with confrontation.

I hope that when the in-laws are back that your DD is able to address the situation in a way that she can be happy with.

This thread has made me quite sad, not just at the thought of the horrible action of the grandfather but at the way it has been hijacked. Some posters really do seem to want to make it all about themselves on every thread.

Do all contributions to GN threads have to well watered down with this "milk of human kindness"? If so, enjoy your group love-in.