Hopeless dilemma

Grandparents hitting a grandchild ..... no, no, no, no! Especially such a young one. To me this sounds like child abuse? Perhaps SIL could have a quiet word explaining that smacking is not an acceptable part of discipline in the family. But much as you understandably want to, I don't think you should be involved. It is the parents' job to protect their children. In my experience, you will end up the baddie! I think you are doing the right thing giving your DD and DCS support

No I do not think you are was the poor little boy marked or bruised by the assault...if he had done that to someone elses child not related would it be a police matter...I don't have any real knowledge but I am sure that we have several grans who have knowledge from their previous roles in social services who may point you to the best course of action....I would be baying for blood...his..xxx

Did he bully his son when he was a child? Does he still bully him?

Your Dd and son-in-law are the ones to choose how their child is going to be brought up. No one else. I doubt if this kind of handling of him is in accordance with that.

Totally unacceptable behaviour without a doubt. Even illegal?

But what an awful situation for DD. The way you describe the situation this man could do anything and not be challenged in case he takes away their livelihood. Is there a grandmother around?

OMG. That is so wrong. He goaded the child- a three year old, and of course the child reacted. Your daughter has got to stand up to her fil. She must have a serious straight talk with him. The little boy's emotional well being is more important than anything else.

Welcome back, LuckyGirl, a good choice of name.Now that this has happened, and you can't turn the clock back, I would do this if I was your DD.Tell the little boy that he must not hit adults, but leave it at that with him, with the FIL I would have a quiet word and say that no rough games again please as it is bound to lead to trouble, and that you are not happy with him smacking ( if that is your policy) his grandson.Say that you will do any correcting.

My concern is that I might be over-reacting, but instinct tells me not.

Is there a MIL LUCKYGIRL that may offer some support ,mediation, or a right royal kick up the jacksy for her husband,if so could you speak to her..xx

No she does not have to rely on him at all. We are here and can take care of the children, and I know DD is resolved not to leave her children in his care ever again.

The relationship with the in-laws has been shaky from the start as they have a very different attitude to life to my DD (or indeed to us) - but we have all tried to do our best to keep things sweet. I really do not know how I can face him, so how much worse it must be for my DD I cannot imagine.

Does your DD have to rely on FiL for childcare? Do they have to go there?

He had no right to hit the child. He is a bully.

Abusive,bullying trying to get a reaction out of a small child then physically abusing him,the fact that he would cut the family's livelihood sounds as he is controlling ....nasty peace of work .....what to do I don't know but I would be beside myself that he physically assaulted my child....I may be over reacting but its how the post made me feel