Hopeless dilemma

Oh dear, when people start saying things along the lines of "I speak as I find" or "I don't mince my words " sometimes I want to run for cover.
Of course honesty is a good thing, but so are empathy, charity (Christian or otherwise) tact and consideration.
There is a temptation on sites like this to assume a point of view and give advice, which is indeed often what is asked for and a person is free to take it or not. But when there is a genuine " cri de coeur " one has to think carefully before putting virtual pen to paper. We can listen without always judging and we need to resist the temptation to assume circumstances or motivation which we may have imagined.
So I do not think it is anything to do with "how many" members might find some views "strong" but whether the OP is regretting his or her revelation of their anguish at a potentially devastating family issue.
* Luckygirl's* has described a situation which could break a family apart but God willing it won't. Tact, understanding, patience and strength are going to be needed and the least we can do is offer a friendly ear and supportive shoulder.

Perhaps I am a bit strong with my advice for half a dozen posters on gransnet.

Where I come from, people dont mince words. Then we have plenty of advice, and are glad of it. And most times will act on either a combination of it, or take someone's specific advice.

Can I inject a bit of positivity ( is that a word!) into this thread? It is obvious that Lucky' daughter has had a loving, kind and happy upbringing so she has a good base for bringing up her children, she and her DH seem to be a loving and united couple so, although this is a dreadful event, they will come through this and make the decision that is right for the family. They are blessed to have Lucky and her family's support!

Lucky keep talking to us!

jings and soontobe - what ever happened to the milk of human kindness?

Don't take any notice Luckygirl.
That was beyond the pale jingl even by your standards.

Does it indeed? I hope that your life will be problem free, and if not that there will be people around with a bit more humanity than you have shown. I am staggered by this.

It starts to seem indulgent.

Then don't post on it, if you can see no point jings. That's fine by me. I have to say I am very shocked by your post. I would never ever be so unkind to anyone. It simply would not enter my head to do so.

I have to say that I do find it extraordinary that those posters who purport to be Christians have the least understanding. No wonder I stay well clear of religion.

Thanks to ginny and all the others who have understood how helpful it has been to me to chew this problem over in an impersonal setting, as it is not something I would wish to talk about amongst the family or friends who know my DD. Many thanks indeed. I am very grateful.

I am so sorry your family find yourselves in this horrible dilemma. I hope you find some solution soon. Wish I could offer some help.

Is there perhaps a possible "mediator" figure in the family, an uncle/cousin, for instance, whom he would listen to without losing too much face? Perhaps someone of his own generation who could point out that whatever his experience as a boy might have been, times have moved on and in any case, parents are the beginning and the end of teaching and encouraging good behaviour in their family.
I wish you well as this is a many layered problem, isn't it and not one that can be left unresolved.

Have to. Not gave to

I can't see any point in continuing this thread. It's obvious the child's parents gave to deal with it. And they need to get their priorities right, and man up on behalf of their child.

Why chew this over anymore? The advice has been given.

I am hoping that there will be a way of resolving this that avoids such drastic action Faye. I am hanging on to the idea that there might be some solution that protects the children without pulling the family apart.

Is it possible Luckygirl for your DD and SIL to eventually move house, so they at least eliminate the problem of FIL living too close. He might not drop in so easily.

I would feel on edge having him living so close, dropping in on a whim and causing upset.

X posts. Sorry.

Sorry - wonder.

That it had been made clear who the PMer was.

I winder if this discussion about pms could take place on a separate thread please - I would find that helpful if possible.

Alea 'at least everyone in the UK' does not rule out the rest of the world.

Missed what?

Oh dear. I'd missed that. And now I'm starting to think the PMs were understandable.

I think soon made it clear who the PMer was. Seems as though it was only one.

But I agree absolutely - say it on the thread or don't say it at all (unless it's something private and supportive, of course.)

Also agree. Anything to say? Say it here.

Agree

Too much pm-ing on GN. Just say it on the thread.

Why should soon have received "negative pm's"? Not good.

#cowardycustard