Hopeless dilemma

Hello Alea are you a new member? I don't think I have encountered you on here before but welcome.
You certainly seem to have the measure of what goes on here judging by your posts on this thread.
Beware of GN addiction though.

You said Soontobe
I am a member of gransnet as much as anyone else. And this is very much a public forum. It is open to at least everyone in the UK to speak.

I am assuming members who live abroad, Australia, the US , France etc are not precluded?

I thought luckygirl's dilemma was precisely about children, and specifically her grandson. So nelliemoser's Bible quote is entirely apposite.
It is a horrible situation and one that none of us would wish to find ourselves in.
Despite the potential fallout, I think it has to be discussed openly within the family, again, unenviable and Grandad has to see that what he did was wrong, especially as it sounds as if it was not a quick, light tap (OK we still don't do that) such as a parent might have given in to under extreme provocation in our day.
Yes this is a public forum and all are free to comment, but in the same way all are free to disagree with those comments. It would be nice to be supportive of a fellow gran and think " there but for the grace of God..." perhaps?

I have said what I needed to say. I hope that that is the end of it, but if it isnt, please feel free to post some more.
It may be better for Luckygirl's sake to pm me instead though, so she can carry on getting support on this thread, without this stuff getting in the way.

Nelliemoser. Your quote is about children. And as people know who read the Bible quite a bit, nothing whatsoever to do with this situation.

It is ok to judge behaviour Gracesgran, but not the person.
Luckygirl has now explained why the sil didnt return home. I hope he has now. Believe it or not, I am allowed to say that, as a Christian, and a member of gransnet.
I am a Methodist, as I have said before, so hardly an extreme sect!Probably the most benign of the Christian organisations. Though Methodism is a broad church so to speak.

I am a member of gransnet as much as anyone else. And this is very much a public forum. It is open to at least everyone in the UK to speak.
The matter is about domestic violence, so hardly a trifling matter.
I will say again, that Luckygirl said she ignores my posts so she either does or she doesnt.
She doesnt have to read them. That is her perrogative.

Things are still being said about myself so I will reply. It was made my business by the negative pms.
I refuse to be silenced by whatever the number of negative pms. [I havent received any, since the initial bunch].

As people can see, I was supportive upthread. I can be supportive again. But support doesnt normally just mean there, there.

Now I offer my other cheek again. Either on this thread, or by pm.

I really hope it is true that "what goes around, comes around". I have been hanging onto this saying for some time because of a situation in our lives over which I have no control so I offer it to you and yours Lucky in the hope that it gives you some comfort.

Also, there must be a very good reason you chose that Gn name, so hang onto that too!

I cannot tell how helpful it is to have this supportive community in this troublesome situation. It is something that has arisen which was so unexpected and came out of the blue. It helps me to get it of my chest here, as in "real life" I am having to hold back and bite the tongue.

Many thanks to you all.

I haven't been around for a day or two, so have only just caught up. Luckygirl what an appalling thing to have to deal with! There are lots of wise comments and much support for you here, all of which I totally endorse. What an awful man.

You are doing all the right things - good for you. X

"wait out situations" .....good point.
Just hope and pray that FiL eventually gets the message that his actions were not correct.
It takes most men a long time to back down and show they realise they were in the wrong.

Luckygirl I hope your daughter is feeling physically better now. It is so hard for you - you want to do something to help her but your hands are tied. I find that I still want to 'make everything right' for my family when they are hurting and the most difficult thing is having to wait out situations until they come to a resolution. And sometimes the waiting goes on for years. You are a support and listening ear for you daughter and that is probably all you can do at present but that is really a lot although you are itching to 'do something'. Your daughter and her children are safe now and will continue to be so because of your and her determination to avoid any repeat of the previous episode and the rest, although unpleasant at the least, will unfold over time. You have dealt with this so well, keeping a calm front when you really wanted to reach for a shotgun. I am sure you will continue to be that strong support and I really admire you.

I haven't joined this thread, although I have been following it, because I felt I had nothing to add that would help, although my heart goes out to all of your family Luckygirl.

What has made me reply is that a member of what seems to be an extreme sect has been so arrogant. I have no idea how I would cope and I am sure most posters feel the same, grateful just to know that this is not a situation their DDs and DGCs are having to face.

As for it being OK to judge the writer will know Matthew 7:1-3

"Judge not, that ye be not judged.

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again"

That said the most important thing is to tell you Luckygirl that you are in my thoughts and I am sure that, with the children's interests so much at the centre of all your thoughts I am sure you will find a way through this minefield.

OOPS! Soontobe Probably a wise move, if you don't want to feel you are being got at.

sorry about that, I x posted with everyone who posted after river walk

Soontobe Probably a wise move, if you don't not want to feel you are being got at.

OK soontobe that's more than enough. As has already been said, this thread isn't about you.

You have made what sound to me like smug comparisons between the very challenging situation Luckygirl's family find themselves in and the idealised version you present of your own family. You respond to Penstemmon by quoting the Bible and presenting yourself as a martyr in that and in the references you make to having received negative pm's.

Please take yourself off and do some reflective thinking.

I was going by the fact that she said that she always ignores my posts Riverwalk. I take her at her word.

Best now for me to come off this thread, unless other things are said concerning myself.

soontobe that remark is totally unhelpful.
A GNer is in a difficult position and you are quoting one line of scripture which is probably without any context relating to the posters dilemma.

If you think your bible quote is OK in these circumstances then one can always find an opposite view.
Matthew 18:6
New International Version
"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

As well as this
William Shakespeare
“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!”
― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

I (and probably others) do not want to discuss the picking of quotations any further so please do not start a discussion about scriptual meaning here.
I am not asking you for any explanations about the meaning of biblical quotes so please don't given any here.

May I suggest you take yourself and your 'me, me, me' posts off this sensitive thread.

soon you're now just being provocative.

And not a little unkind - Luckygirl is obviously suffering and has made it clear that she doesn't appreciate your contributions.

I can offer my other cheek to Penstemmon by pm.

I do ask Luckygirl, that if she had anything to do with the negative pms [as the pmer wouldnt say], to perhaps speak to her supporters.

S2B this thread is NOT about you.

Luke 6 v 27-29
But I say to you that listen. Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other one also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withold even your shirt.

I am saying all this in relation to Penstemmon.
I would like to offer you my other cheek.

Ideally the children will disclose what happened to an independent professional at nursery or school and they will , by law, have to follow through with an action.

Luckygirl I can understand you distress and the dilemma faced by your DD and her DH on managing the future. Gie the little lads loads of love and reassurance and they will be resiliant and bounce back.

All those smug posts about perfect SiLs. .just ignore ! Pride comes before a fall!

Thanks petallus.
She is not even on this thread, so they came out of the blue.

Gransnet have replied to me, so I will take their advice.

* soontobe* chin up!