Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Feeling Feeble.

(53 Posts)
Falconbird Wed 15-Jul-15 07:15:26

I've coped with a lot since I was widowed 3 years ago including selling my house and living on my own in rented accommodation - but I'm having a wobbly about having a tooth out. The thing is my OH would have come with me, waited outside, been sympathetic etc., made a cup of tea when we got home. I feel really feeble about this. A friend offered to come with me but I want to do it on my own. I felt really daft when an 85 year old friend said she had gone on her own, ordered a taxi etc., after an extraction.

soontobe Wed 15-Jul-15 07:29:03

Having a tooth out is quite a big deal.
I would want company. Nothing feeble about it if you ask me.

Sewsilver Wed 15-Jul-15 07:31:18

Good luck with your tooth Falconbird. I know what you mean about feeling very alone when widowed and having health problems. I have hurt my back heaving boxes about since I moved back into my house 3 weeks ago. On Sunday evening I went up to bed, my back seized up and I was stuck on the floor of the half landing for two hours. I was in agony, couldn't reach a phone and realised that the chain was on the front door so even if I had summonsed a friend with a key they couldn't get in. Eventually I crawled up the remaining stairs and slept on the bedroom floor. It has made me realise how vulnerable I am without DH. I'm now carrying the phone about the house in case. Good for you deciding to go to the dentist by yourself.

Alea Wed 15-Jul-15 07:34:40

I went on my own to have a wisdom tooth extracted but had to wait afterwards for 20 minutes or so at the dentists because I felt distinctly wobbly. Some people don't react well to the anaesthetic, so not a bad idea to have a friend or neighbour on hand for tea and sympathy. Good luck!

annodomini Wed 15-Jul-15 07:50:36

I've been divorced for almost 30 years and for the most part have been self-sufficient, until the day when polymyalgia rheumatica hit me. I had trouble getting out of bed, couldn't reach the light switch, so had to head-butt it and foolishly decided to see if a bath would loosen me up. Well, it took me about half an hour to work out how to get out of it. If only I'd taken my phone into the bathroom with me!

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 15-Jul-15 07:51:36

Let your friend come with you. Don't be hard on yourself. flowers

whitewave Wed 15-Jul-15 08:02:14

Of course there is nothing wrong if you want your friend to go with you but on the other hand I always go on my own to anything medical unless I an advised to the contrary and always survive smile. The only time I wanted someone with me was the day I got the cancer result news as I knew it wouldn't be good. Do what you want life is too short to worry about stuff like that.sunshine

mcem Wed 15-Jul-15 08:13:46

I had to have a tooth extracted last summer and coped fine alone. Like you I turned down an offer of help and then worried that I was being foolish.
The local anaesthetic really didn't affect me but I did go straight home and rested in the afternoon.
Previously, after a cataract op, I had to have someone take me home as the hospital insisted. Even then I think I would have been ok alone.
If you really feel confident, then you'll probably cope, but don't see it as weakness if a friend comes along just to keep you company.
Best wishes for a straightforward procedure and a quick recovery.

vampirequeen Wed 15-Jul-15 08:15:44

Absolutely not feeble.

Jane10 Wed 15-Jul-15 08:18:06

I've only ever had to have one tooth out (so far). I was very lucky in a way in that the dentist just said "this tooth needs to come out. I'm going to do it right now." I had no time to think about it or psych myself up. If she'd said I'd need to come back for the extraction I'd have worried myself to bits. In the event it wasn't bad at all and I drove myself home although I did take the rest of the day off. A bit in shock I suppose. Good luck with yours. We'll all be accompanying you virtually!

Gracesgran Wed 15-Jul-15 09:10:54

I went through a string of very difficult circumstance some years ago, one after another after another, and was the stalwart we all expect ourselves to be. Some months later, when no more seemed to landing on my plate, I ended up in my doctors surgery with tears running down my face. Like you I listed what had happened and how I had sorted it all out and how I felt proud of myself for doing so and could not understand why I was feeling such a wuss about the little things in life.

I have never forgotten what she said, very kindly, to me. "So what resources are you drawing on now?" I had used up every bit of resource and needed to build them back up. I agree with jinglbellsfrocks, don't be hard on yourself. Let your friend come this time and build towards doing it by yourself. Be kind to yourself and rebuild those resources. You know just how well you have coped with what is a traumatic experience and all that is happening is you are learning new coping mechanisms for a new circumstances and do keep reminding yourself of how well you have done.

flowers from me for someone who has done so well and will do in the future albeit in a different way to the past.

Anya Wed 15-Jul-15 09:11:14

Be strong Falconbird like your name. You can do this

AshTree Wed 15-Jul-15 09:28:09

You're not being feeble at all Falconbird. Of course you will 'cope', but that's not the point really is it? You've always had your DH with you for these things so it's hard. Don't expect too much of yourself, let others help you. There are no brownie points for being outwardly 'tough' but inwardly wobbly - and people really do want to help. That's what friends are for.

Good luck.

Marmight Wed 15-Jul-15 09:34:23

Take as much help as is offered Falconbird especially when you are feeling vulnerable. We widows learn to cope admirably with most things but occasionally it is good to give in. I returned home very late last night flying into Edinburgh, then on the bus to the park & ride, picked up the car from a gloomy multi-story, drove home and let myself into a dark and lonely house, not easy especially as in the past DH would be there to welcome me..... (but it was lovely to get into my comfy bed after 5 nights in the 3 year old's little truckle bed!!)
Good luck with the extraction and take it easy; you are not feeble flowers

Luckygirl Wed 15-Jul-15 09:59:55

Not feeble - let your friend come with you - it will make her feel good.

nannieroz111 Wed 15-Jul-15 10:27:29

Not feeble falcon in fact from some of the postings I've read, you are a very brave lady. Take your friend with you, its soooooo nice having company when you feel vulnerable.

HildaW Wed 15-Jul-15 10:49:47

I too sat in front of a health care professional and bemoaned my general uselessness at coping with everyday events. She started to ask me about myself and what had brought me to seek help. I began to relate what I had coped with in the last few years and then mentioned a recent family death had brought back a lot of unpleasant memories so she dug deeper....

By the end of my initial session she had stopped me in my tracks by saying 'you have coped with all this and yet you see yourself as failing now, why are you being so hard on yourself?' Its obvious once you rationalise it...even pretend you are talking about someone see the true scale of the events and just how much it takes out of you. We all need time to get over things, we all need support at certain times...we are not weak...we are human and that something to be proud of.

Falconbird, accept the help and support offered its what true friendships are based on.

Bellanonna Wed 15-Jul-15 11:35:59

Accept the friend's offer Falconbird. She will be pleased to help and you will have the support of another person. the 85 year old did it her way, that's fine. We are all different, but from the replies on here it would appear that most people would readily accept the friend's offer of company. Best of luck!

Falconbird Wed 15-Jul-15 15:49:42

Thanks everyone. I am really inspired by all your individual acts of courage.

It turns out that my friend now has to babysit on the day of the dental appointment so I have to go own my own. Thanks to all your kindness and advice I am ready to do it.

I think it's just another thing I have to learn to do without my OH. To be realistic I am 68 and I will have to learn to cope with medical appointments by myself in the years to come.

The appointment is next Tuesday so now I've told everyone I will have to go smile

I have to have two more out in the coming weeks. Apparently teeth are affected by stress because some people clench their teeth when they're worried or sometimes grind them which causes damage. I am a teeth clencher.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 15-Jul-15 16:10:29

Hold our virtual hands Falconbird. smile

Yes. I'm a teeth clencher. Not good.

Falconbird Wed 15-Jul-15 16:28:27

When I sit in the dentist's chair I will definitely reach out to all your virtual hands. smile

mcem Wed 15-Jul-15 16:43:06

This may sound nonsensical but when I had to have a rather nasty filling (a worse experience than the recent extraction) I asked the very pleasant young lady if she was ok with me dolloping on hand cream and rubbing it in! She was perfectly happy. I was not only distracted but came out with smooth hands and tidy cuticles.
I haven't needed anything done recently and don't know if her rather grumpy boss would be so kind!
Good luck!

Bellanonna Wed 15-Jul-15 17:37:10

Good luck for Tuesday Falconbird. Going to the dentist is an ordeal, but you will be so well numbed you won't feel anything. I would love to go with you but I'm sure you don't live near me, and anyway I'll be climbing mountains in Italy! Or watching other people climbing them (knackered knees).

bikergran Wed 15-Jul-15 17:50:51

Falcon we will all be with you in spirit, make sure bump the thread then we can send our good vibes to you, and let us know what time your app is smile I think an extraction is pretty quick and not as long as any other stuff fillings etc. smile

Falconbird Wed 15-Jul-15 19:38:39

Forgot to mention it is a wisdom tooth so not as easy as a normal one. I might try the hand cream tip smile personally I don't mind fillings because I've had a lot of them.