My 12-yr-old DGD thinks she's ugly

poor little girl something that I can truly empathise with..Gillybob I am exactly the same with photos...I avoid the camera too...confidence building is the way forwardxxx

I can totally sympathise with the "hiding the face" thing when people are taking pictures Atticus. I was never a pretty child (or adult) very plain indeed and I always thought (and still do) that my face would spoil everyone else's photograph and have avoided cameras all my life. The thing is I am right. I am the least photogenic person. I feel awkward and self conscious and it shows through on photos. I blame a lack of confidence as a child. I can't ever remember being told I was pretty, lovely, cute etc. because I simply wasn't.

I agree with twiceasnice that there is horrendous pressure for children and young people to look a certain way. Magazines use photoshop to make even the plainest person look "stunning" and young people simply cannot compete with this, leaving them feeling like "the ugly sister" .

I wonder has your DGD always felt like this Atticus or is it something new? Could someone have made a nasty comment to her at school?

I think you need to encourage her confidence by helping her feel good about herself a little bit at a time. Remind her she has a lovely shaped face, nice hair, lovely long legs etc. Also you could look at some magazines or catalogues together (NEXT is a handy catalogue to have) and let her show you what she likes. You could then gently help her see what shapes and colours might suit her best bearing in mind that sometimes the latest fashions might not appeal to us. Is she allowed to experiment with a little make up? Perhaps a little bit mascara and natural lip gloss? Does she have a good complexion? Could a tiny bit of tinted moisturizer help cover poor teenage skin problems?

I do hope that this is a temporary phase she is going through. It is very sad and I wish you and your DGD well.

Nothing to be done except praise and help her buy clothes that truly do flatter and not the opposite.So many girls think this way when teenagers but when they grow up think differently.

Young people her age often have poor self image and there's a lot of peer pressure to "look" a certain way. Is there a counsellor attached to her school she can talk to and do some self-esteem work with her. Does she have nice supportive friends? If so ask her what her friends would say . I say to the young people I work with that nobody pays friends to be nice to you, you are friends because you give each other something good and a friend would not be so critical. Be extra loving and remind her about everything she does well and help her have access to clothes etc that make her feel good about herself. Adolescence is dire sometimes and she's just on the beginning of it.

Poor girl. Is this a new thing, perhaps at the onset of puberty?

Has someone (not necessarily one of her friends) made an insensitive remark. Possibly not directed to her personally but she has taken on board.

Such a young age to be so sad about herself.

Does she have a talent that can be encouraged to boost her self esteem whilst working on her self image.
My heart goes out to her, and to you.