Really need help and advice

Just stop worrying about them - it is your little family that matters; they have had their turn to be parents and now it is yours.

If she treated you well then she would also get a chance to be a grandmother; but it is in her own hands.

Not everyone in this life is going to like you, and trying to get people to do so is a lost cause. And what a waste of life and of that lovely time when your children are young.

Put it out of your mind - be polite when they are there, but don't initiate contact.

If she becomes insistent, then stand your ground and let her know the ground rules - she probably won't like it, but this situation is not of your making.

Just get on with your life! - and leave her to get on with hers as far as you are able.

Thank you Marmight. Yes my husband doesnt have a lot of contact with them, when i was pregnant they contacted him more but never me until near the end of my pregnancy. He is really hurt by their treatment and actions towards me, i can see that it really hurts him and makes him sad. He is not a confrontational person at all, he's really kind hearted and cares about everyone, but he has over the last few months had it out with her, not in the argument sense but just telling her what we want and how its going to be, but they just ignore it. In his last message after he had said a few things she said in the mesaage " who is this? Is this really you?? " and told him that she didnt know where he had "gone" but that "she'd always love him" and this was the message where she said she wasnt " important " enough and didnt have the "status" that she wants.

I am just baffled! I have always treated her with respect and ive never had a cross word with her, even when i told her she wouldn't play a part in raising my son or making any decisions regarding him i told her i was sorry for hurting her feelings but that i felt like it had to be said. When they stay at our home, before it just used to be they invited themselves without asking and now they have to ask, they come and they dont clean up after themselves and she just leaves everything at her arse......just total lack of respect.

Good heavens! What a terrible dilemma you are in. I think this woman has a big problem. Do as Luckygirl suggests : just get on with your life, don't include her or her family in any of your arrangements but when you do meet, be cool calm and collected so she has absolutely no reason to criticise you. You say your husband has little contact with his family, but what does he feel about the way you are treated - has he approached his mother about the appalling way she behaves towards you? You are a strong, sensible woman; try, hard as it is, to ignore this dreadful woman who has alienated you, her son and eventually her grandchild. Good luck.

Thank you both for your advice ladies. Ninathenana- of course i understand there are two sides to every story and i am sure if we were to hear from her side her greviences would be that i dont let her be as involved as she wants to be.....but that is only because of how they treat me. And that i dont let her do what she wants, but i mean why would i if its not what i want? Surely as an adult i have control over my own life and my childrens life to an extent of course. I really wanted her to like me and for us to have a close relationship but i guess they were never interested and so we are where we are and their involvement now is what it is and i doubt it will ever be more. I dont really know why i care so much about what she thinks of me but in regards to what she says about me, it hurts because its untrue.

I think ive put up with their treatment for so long because i love my husband so much, he is so supportive but they intimidate him so much and act lile they have authority over him, and he obviously being a really good son doesnt want hmto hurt his mums feelings so we always try to approach it in a nice way explaining what we want but they just ignore it every time, so i dont see any other way than being blunt!

I will take your advice on board ladies. This ia such a tough situation. I dont even feel like im denying my son anything because the relationship seems so unhealthy and just adds stress. We are surrounded by loads of people who love and support us- other family and friends who are just like family and they respect our decisions, space and privacy and i just dont know why they can't.

You need to be strong - because you are in the right.
She has no entitlement to tell you how to bring up your child.

This time with young children is precious time - I know that I and many grans here look back on it with a sense that they would love to do it all again!

I think you have to stop minding what she thinks about you, or what she tells others about you. Frankly do you really give a d* what she thinks?! - I wouldn't. It is you and your OH who matter in this scenario - you are the parents and the upbringing of your child is your affair and yours only.

I would give up on involving them at your own invitation because in a way that is dishonest - you don't really want to invite them, you are doing it out of a sense of duty. Just get on with your lives. If they invite themselves, then be polite but firm about their place in the scheme of things.

I did not have many problems with my MIL - she was frankly not very interested in the children and was mainly drunk - driven to it by her ghastly OH. I am beginning to think that was an easier scenario than that which you are facing.

Good luck - stay strong!

Oh my, I could call her a few names too !!
You will understand when I say there are two sides to every story but if your MiL is half that bad you have my sympathy.
I'm sure the majority of GN's would say 'good for you' for stating that she has no rights over your child and that you and DH will be making the decisions.
I don't know why some in-laws are so mean to their DC's partners. I was never happy with my exSiL but I never showed it.
I have no advice I sorry, just my sympathy.