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Going on maternity leave...

(26 Posts)
mummyagain Sun 18-Oct-15 11:01:42

hi all. I'm not a gran yet but am about to make 2 lovely ladies grannies for the second time ??

I need some advice. I have a 2 yo who goes to my mil 2 days per week currently all day but am due to go on mat leave at the end of November.

My question is what do I do? I want to keep the inlaws happy and my lo loves it there too so while I don't want to change routine too much I also don't want to be dropping lo off at 8am when I don't have to be at work.

I would like lo to continue going there 2 days but instead of 8-5 I'm thinking 10:30 ish till 5? My husband could do the pick up as normal on his way home.

This way my daughter gets a change of scene, I get time with the new baby and the inlaws should be kept happy. I think they'll be a bit disappointed but it's reasonable?

Does this arrangement sound ok? X

Nonnie Sun 18-Oct-15 11:18:16

Sounds fine to me but why not chat it over with them?

grannyactivist Sun 18-Oct-15 11:19:20

I think that's a perfectly sensible arrangement and if I were your mother in law I would be glad of the later start. smile

Nelliemoser Sun 18-Oct-15 11:21:01

I don't see why it should not work well, the grans concerned might be glad of a less early start. I presume thy will be needed again when you go back.
My DD is on her second mat leave. My just three yr old DGS1 still goes to nursery on the days he always has when DD was working and DD has two days with just the baby to look after.
DGS loves his nursery anyway It's been part of his routine since he was about 10mths. He sometimes has a grump when going in in the mornings but often he has to be prised away from any activities going on when he is picked up. There are no grans easily available for regular child care.

Nelliemoser Sun 18-Oct-15 11:23:08

they will be needed again. My proof reading is getting worse and worse.

ninathenana Sun 18-Oct-15 11:24:36

I can't see what's not to like about it.. As ga says MiL will probably be grateful for the later start. I know I would!
Your obviously on good terms with her so just have a chat.

mummyagain Sun 18-Oct-15 11:31:42

I'm leaving it to my husband as I don't have the best relationship with the inlaws sadly. I want to make sure everyone is happy without setting myself an unrealistic routine haha

Yes when if I go back to work my eldest will be in nursery while I'm at work as will get the free hours and my youngest will go to the inlaws 2 days per week.

I'm hoping mil will be glad of the later start tbh just wanted to check I was being reasonable before we tell them what we're thinking.

I'm hoping they don't think 'we're not needed now' that would be horrible. The reality is that it's a choice to send our lo there not a necessity as we can afford nursery - surely that makes it nicer? We want our lo to see the gp x

Lona Sun 18-Oct-15 11:38:16

mummy Can't you and your dh talk together to your in laws? That would be nicer, and might help to improve relations between you all? You sound like a lovely thoughtful dil to

mummyagain Sun 18-Oct-15 12:32:09

Aw thanks lona smile

I guess I'm just thinking they'll feel like they can talk more freely when I'm not there, they've always been like it and I can sort of understand as we are very different. As I said we don't have the best relationship but we don't have the worst either.

Needs to happen sooner rather than later so everyone knows where they stand, bless them theyve probably been wondering for weeks x

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 18-Oct-15 12:43:51

Is there any problem here? Why would anyone be upset by not having to be on duty until 10.30 rather than the early start? confused

Suppose it makes a thread. [shrug]

mummyagain Sun 18-Oct-15 12:54:36

You don't know my inlaws lol they'd have my lo move in if they could.

They really love having lo round and are very routine led.

They don't see it as 'having to be on duty' and if they did I hope they'd tell me as that's not very nice. I'd rather have my lo at home if that was the case!

I think I'd prefer the later start but it's impossible for me to put myself in their position hence my asking for advice here.

Bellanonna Sun 18-Oct-15 13:12:54

Could you put it to them that you're asking a favour ? Although you will be at home it would be wonderful if they could go on having lo, if they didn't mind ? Of course you wouldn't expect them to have the early start, as when you were at work, but had thought maybe 10.30 would give them a bit of a break, as they've been so good dealing with the earlier start up till now. You would be so grateful etc. you could then add that the later start would fit in better with your new baby's routine too. You may be overthinking this but you sound like a very caring and thoughtful dil and I would be surprised if they objected. They will be delighted to go on having lo and may be worrying about this arrangement coming to an end. Do let us know,

Maggiemaybe Sun 18-Oct-15 13:21:49

Goodness. I call my days with DGS2 being on Nana duty, but it certainly doesn't mean I don't love it, or him! smile

Maggiemaybe Sun 18-Oct-15 13:29:25

And I can't for the life of me see why the in-laws would be upset by a later start. Much as I love looking after DGS2, I love a lie-in too. I think you're worrying unnecessarily. smile

Anya Sun 18-Oct-15 13:52:44

Simple answer. Invite those involved round for brew and cupcake and ask them what arrangements they would like best.

Elegran Sun 18-Oct-15 13:54:30

You could go round and round this for ever and get conflicting advice in every post. You know your inlaws, you know your circumstances, you know your family.

Besty advice I can give - stop agonising on here any longer, decide in your own mind what you want to happen, then go and discuss it with them.

Deedaa Sun 18-Oct-15 15:45:11

Much as I adore GS2 and love having him I'm always glad of some time off!

Elrel Sun 18-Oct-15 16:33:49

Communication's the name of the game!

mummyagain Sun 18-Oct-15 18:09:52

Okay Will bite the bullet and talk to them. Communication is not their strong suit but I'm hoping they'll be happy with it x

Maggiemaybe Sun 18-Oct-15 18:14:47

I'm sure they will be, mummyagain. Good luck!

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 18-Oct-15 18:15:59

I do wonder whether young parents have a slightly over-inflated idea of how much time Grannies and Grandads really yearn to spend with their grandchildren. I find a little goes a long way.

(And yes. I do adore them)

rosequartz Sun 18-Oct-15 18:29:53

Why do I have a feeling of deja-vu? (with an accent)

mummyagain Sun 18-Oct-15 19:03:07

Perhaps we do jinglebellsfrocks. This is the impression I have got from my inlaws though.might have something to do with the - when you come to live here - comments they make to my lo lol

I was never very close to my gp so don't know what it's meant to be like? I find that keeping everyone happy can sometimes be exhausting. Especially when I have no past relationship to reference if that makes sense?

Rosequartz - déjà-uv?

Nanabelle Sun 18-Oct-15 23:23:05

Gosh, you are all so kind! As the grandma, I would be looking forward to a little break until you went back to work, while still offering the occasional afternoon or morning childcare. I wonder what happens the other three weekdays, is your little one in nursery? Or maybe you only work two days. If you want to keep the routine, I would have thought either keep to the mornings or the afternoons; that way it frees up a whole afternoon or morning for the gps. Also maybe they would like to go away on a holiday!
I do think today's families are so fortunate in that grandparents are willing to help with childcare. I had three children, no help whatsoever. No, I didn't go out to work, but then I believe caring for ones family and home are actually a very valuable work to both the family and our society. ( and no, we didn't have loads of money - just went without what seems to be regarded as necessities today).
Moany hat off now ………. as others have said, best thing is for a good discussion by all on what each party would actually like and enjoy!

mummyagain Mon 19-Oct-15 18:00:22

Lol I think youve got the wrong end of the stick nanabelle. I have absolutely no problem having my children at home. No problem at all. If I'm not at work my lo is with me. Only stayed out a few times literally and that was more for the gp than me and my husband. I love being a mum and don't try to Palm lo off if that's what you meant haha

I'd love to be able to give up work completely. It'd be amazing but I think the gp would be so disappointed! It's not 'childcare' as such if I'm off on mat leave as it's completely un necessary from my point of view. It's time for my lo to spend with her gp.

Obviously if gp are on holiday lo will be home with me - happy days.

I was asking for advise as gp would prefer to keep things as they are, they've said that already. I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable saying I'd drop lo off later so I don't have to rush around in the mornings - so purely selfish reasons!

I spoke to them anyway and they're happy. So that's the main thing.