dgd hates me

My Dad was a GP. He used to be so fed up when children's parents had told wee ones to be good or the Dr would give them a "big jag". Result was very scared kids when they had to come for routine injections.

haven't seen her this week as her parents are off work and taking her out. I wish I could see her and I wouldn't care just how horrid she was, I miss her so much.

Maybe she was mad because you scolded her. Maybe she feels the overall family tensions and is taking it out on you. Maybe she's just being a silly kid. As long as you keep being the loving grandma you are, I'm sure everything will be ok in the end. I don't think she's truly rejecting you. I know her words and behavior hurt but "This too shall pass."

The thing about 3 year old girls is that they never stop talking .....

To you, to other people, to themselves

I love it! (I trust you weren't insulted? LOL)

I imagined she would be sweet and obedient like she was before the tantrum stage

Ha ha ha!!
Well, of course, your DGD may be

You have to keep one step ahead

OMG rose, I never thought of the 'thunderous threes'. I imagined she would be sweet and obedient like she was before the tantrum stage.
I quail to think what she might get up to at 3, although I love the signs that she is developing her own personality, quite a strong one too.

We had a sleepover at my house Saturday night and after playing Halloween games with a (safe plastic) pumpkin . I got lots of hugs and kisses so it seems Im forgiven for what ever I did.

Dear Ethelbags, I had that happen too and it was horrible and I was so hurt. I think it must be a three year old thing, its kind of an awkward age for them, a transition from baby to child and in her case there was a pair of new twins to contend with. I gave her a bit of space and tried not to expect too much and then one day when I was leaving she yelled out from the gate " I love you Nangie". You can imagine my happiness!

She's four now and so much better behaved and has gone back to her old affectionate
self. I so hope it works out like that for you!

This is really painful if you let it be. I realised when my kids went through teenage that if I really needed them to like me I was sunk. Three to four can be a bit like teenage.
Look after yourself, don't rely on her to make you feel better - and bring your friends and family around you too, to support that.
Then I think the behaviour will change, because you're not rising to it.
Good luck!

I mean, of course, a fantastic 'nearly four year old'

I will look out for that Bennan, might give me some tips on how to handle a nearly 'fantastic four year old'.
ethel am I right, is your DGD about to leave the 'terrible twos' and enter 'the thunderous threes'?

Granarchist - interesting question, but start a new thread, otherwise we will all be confused

Ethelbags, there is a new series about four-year olds starting in Channel Four tonight at 8p.m. I watched the last series and it was very interesting and insightful. You may find it helpful in finding your way through the minefield that can be the relationships we have with our families. I would encourage anyone who is struggling with little ones to watch this programme. It's called "The secret life of four-year olds" and should be well worth watching. Enjoy!

Advice please. My DD is concerned that when her (just) 4 yr old caused an accident to another child (lots of blood but not serious) by driving a trike at her, he not only showed no remorse, but carried on pedalling despite being able to see the hurt and the blood etc. She is worried there was no empathy at all with the hurt friend. Is he still too young to have empathy for another child or is she right to worry? It is not the first time he has shown a lack of concern for his actions.

I can sympathize a bit. My DIL tried to turn my DGD against me and also limiting the times we were able to see DGD and DGS . It was very hurtful and I shed many a tear. DGD, encouraged by DIL would say she was 'frightened' when she came into the room where I was, telling me how she loved her other grandma etc. But, I just tried to ignore the comments and thankfully now DGD often comes up to me and throws her arms around me saying 'I love you so much grandma'.

So, be patient ethelbags1, she will see you for what you are, a caring, loving grandmother. I, like you never thought it would happen - but it does - I PROMISE YOU!

Just be pleasant, kind and consistent. She will eventually come to you on her own terms. Maybe another granchild or someone else may have made an overheard remark or opinion, that has made your tot afraid of you. Most kiddies instinctively respond to a smile and a welcome. Just be patient, you will win her over.

When our eldest grandson was tiny DH babysat him a lot during the day as he was retired and I was still working. We used to take him on holiday every year, and after a day on the beach we would often go to a field to play. Little GS would say " you stay here I go with grandad" which we tolerated for a bit - it suited me to sort out the caravan etc. But eventually we simply ignored it - no problem!!

It is all too easy to fall into the trap of being competitive with the "other granny". I remember feeling that I could never compete with my daughter in laws mother who lived in the same town as them and had an apartment in Spain for lovely holidays! Till I came to my senses. We live 100 miles away but when the children come they see it as a great treat, and moreover I have become "granny pancake" as we have early morning pancake for breakfast sessions which they help with. I have just the same lovely relationship with them as with the grandsons who live nearby. But they are all under 5 so this might all change as they grow older.

No - not wrong. Glad you have found a new partner. There is nothing you can do about the family opposition.

I to have grandchildren although a lot older 3 of them in there 20s/30s hate me and have made that plain to my other grandchildren and why because I commited a sin in there eyes my husband died and after 4 years I married a man who I love very much his wife had also died we are very happy and no longer on our own so tell me is that so wrong to want to share the rest of your life with someone

I think that it is much easier if you don't have to think about it- it was never said to me as a child and therefore I wouldn't say it. We probably carry on what our parents said without thinking.

It was quite common "back then" ethel. I'm sure I had it said to me. Luckily we think differently now

thinking back to my childhood which was very strict and almost Victorian, I was often told that Santa would not come to me as I had been naughty, as I got older realised that it was an empty threat but I was still quite upset at the time. Ggran often says this to DGD and I realise that its not good, I have told her not to say that anymore.

I do not bribe children to get them to do anything. I didn't when mine were small and I do not with DGC, nor do I threaten them with consequences unless I have every intention of implementing them. I am not fierce or nasty, I always explain why I want something done, or not done, but I speak firmly and quietly and if they continue to play up I always impose the sanction I said would happen. DGC just accept that when with me it is 'Grandma's rules'.

I do not think they love me the less for being like this, at least they are always delighted to see me and we love doing things together.