Worried about my Dad

There might be something here that helps..

www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/pages/vulnerable-people-abuse-safeguarding.aspx

What do you actually mean by 'a bad lot' ladytina42 ? Is he gambling? If so, get help for your dad now!!! Investigating POA sounds like the way to go.

Hi

Thanks for your replies, in answer to a few questions :- i do think my dad liked having M around, and would be happy about this if M wasnt such a bad lot, we are largely a family full of women so dad is very fond of M and they have things in common - both IT and mechanic nerds. I say liked because now i think Dad may be getting fed up of him, with his lazy ways and apparent showing no signs of getting a job.

I do think Dad is still in control of his faculties though i have a few concerns on this front - as his mother had dementia in her old age. I have hinted to dad that M is a bad lot but he shouted me down and won't hear of it.

One of my other sisters is visiting later in the week and she and her husband are going to try and have a word with him. I guess at this stage we really need to find out what he really wants. i.e does he still want M there or not?

If we get no further i may have to consult with age concern and see what we can do....

It is very hard. I remember my Dad being "taken for a ride" by the bank after Mum died. He agreed to a totally inappropriate investment. We none if us said a thing as we did not want to undermine his self-respect.

I can see that there is an element of this in your current dilemma. However it is absolutely clear that this is what would be categorised as "elder abuse" and you need some advice.

How would he react if you just said outright that M is a bit of a bad lot and you think he is taking advantage? Would he dismiss this?

It is a delicate situation and I do not envy you this. Are the sisters able to work together to solve this? It must be an uncomfortable situation for M's mother as her son has been "offloaded" on her father, who is more vulnerable than she is.

Has your father given anyone a Power of Attorney. If so, this might be the time to talk to him about activating it. If he has not given anyone a PoA I would approach the subject with care unless your nephew, tries to influence your father to grant him the PoA and on the basis of what you have written would make a bad situation worse.

However, the best thing you can do is talk to your local (or your father's local) branch of Age UK. They have enormous experience of situations like yours and can give you a lot of practical and legal advice about what to do in a situation like this. Perhaps armed with their advice you could then visit your father for a few days and put any recommended actions in place.

Perhaps your father is lonely and likes having someone in his house. Is your father fully in control of his faculties ? I suggest you go and talk to him about your concerns.