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Christmas gifts off grandchildren.

(101 Posts)
seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 11:05:16

Hi everyone, first timer here smile Do you get presents off your grandkids?I buy for mine every year and never expect and never get anything back. However the last two Christmases 3 of them have had jobs. I know I shouldn't but I felt a bit hurt that they didn't get me just a little gift, or even a card for that matter. I've always had a good relationship with them, they buy presents for their parents. Just a little token gift would be nice. Am I expecting too much and being a bit precious?

gillybob Mon 16-Nov-15 11:16:25

No I don't think you are expecting too much seagazer (I am a sea gazer too).

My three are only small (9,7 and 5) but I aways get a present at Christmas (courtesy of mum and dad). Actually I usually get 3 seperate ones as they each love the giving part. I obviously have to make a huge show of appreciation and I am asked "who's gift I liked the best" and I tell each of them (as a secret) that their's was by far the best.

I wondered is there a tradition for not buying for any adults in your family and it is not just you who is being left out? A small token would be nice though wouldn't it?

hildajenniJ Mon 16-Nov-15 11:18:38

When my sisters and I started earning we gave Christmas gifts to our grandparents. That was then though, perhaps times have changed. It might be worth having a quiet word with your DS or DD on this subject. You know how life is for young people, they are very busy and sometimes a little thoughtless. My own mother used to remind us to think of our grandparents.

tanith Mon 16-Nov-15 11:21:43

In our family we don't buy for adults and once my grandchildren reached 18 we stopped buying them expensive gifts or giving money. Once they are working they have in turn started to buy us a small gift although I've told them not to, they say to me 'Nan you've been doing it for many years now its your turn to receive presents from us. I don't think its unreasonable to expect a small token or at least a card maybe they were so used to Mum and Dad supplying their gift to you that they just haven't given it a thought..

seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 11:32:21

The thing is, I don't have a lot of money so don't buy them really expensive things, and I think that what I do buy them they probably don't need or have better. DH says don't bother buying anything if they can't even get us a card, it might make them think. I don't know, I suppose it's just that it would feel as if we're appreciated a bit. They spend loads on their parents. Just a little box of chocolates would make me feel happy.

gillybob Mon 16-Nov-15 11:35:28

Exactly seagazer it is not about how much we spend at all. A little box of chocolates or some bubble bath is not a lot to ask is it?

The problem is though if you do have to ask then the thought is spoiled and the gesture of giving would be meaningless.

boggles Mon 16-Nov-15 11:38:39

When I was little I always bought my grandmother a bar of soap and a flannel. She must have thought that I thought that she was dirty!

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 16-Nov-15 11:42:36

gillybob would you like to be my granny? smile

gillybob Mon 16-Nov-15 11:43:44

When I was small our local chemist had a Christmas club. I used to pay in a little bit of my pocket money every week. I had a payment card which was very grown up and loved to go and buy gifts of smellies for Christmas. My grandma had a special fondness for Bronnley soaps.

Granarchist Mon 16-Nov-15 11:47:33

Seagazer I'm sorry but that is awful! My DGD aged 2 last Christmas already gives us something (obviously encouraged by DD - but setting a good practice) - we got a hand drawn card which she had done at nursery. Graham Norton had good advice on a similar subject not long ago - his response was something along the lines of 'if they cant be bothered to make the effort then you don't need to either!". So its cards from here on and spend the money on yourself or give it to a charity. You can always give to charity in their name and explain to them what you have done. A friend gave a cow once on behalf of a older child who was getting rather grasping.

Boggles - my children say if they get one more bar of soap in their stockings they will brain me with it! (yes we still give small stockings to each other).

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 16-Nov-15 11:49:20

I would tell them. Straight out. If we don't teach them a little bit of thoughtfulness, who will?

boggles Mon 16-Nov-15 11:51:45

Granarchist - That's what my grandmother must have thought.

J52 Mon 16-Nov-15 11:55:12

I always bought my grannies Christmas presents, like other posters, usually soapy things. Bronnley or Yardly were always a popular choice!

I once, independently, bought my mother a statue of a cross with a picture of Jesus! Probably because it was gold and glittering. I can't imagine what she thought, it wasn't really to her taste grin.

My GCs always give DH and I Christmas presents, via parents. I think and hope they will continue and develop a sense of 'giving' without putting a monetary value on the gift.


seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 11:55:15

When they were little they'd make us lovely hand drawn cards and buy little gifts, curtesy of DD. I really think DD should guide them to be a bit more thoughtful tbh.

Granarchist Mon 16-Nov-15 11:59:47

seagazer - I absolutely agree - can you say something without causing a huge family upset? Or could someone else say something?

gillybob Mon 16-Nov-15 12:00:31

If I were you I would casually drop into a conversation that "santa doesn't come to grandma and grandads house". sad

make them feel guilty as hell

seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 12:13:29

Yes I'm thinking of dropping something into the conversation. I think they might think that because our DD gets us something that covers it. I just want them to show a little thought and not take so much for granted.

Judthepud2 Mon 16-Nov-15 12:18:25

I don't expect presents from my still young DGSs as their parents are all struggling financially but usually get a hand drawn card or little glittery picture which I love. I always make a big thing of these as they are made especially for me! DD1 and SIL with the 3 children always put together a lovely calendar full of customised photos of the wee ones appropriate to the month. They also usefully have included their birthdays grin

seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 12:31:11

That's another thing, I don't get a birthday gift or even a card off them. They have another nana who always gives them lots of money, (but she's never done for them what I have.) I've heard my DD reminding them to ring her and thank her. (something they don't do for me) I get a thank you when it's face to face but never a phone call to say it.

Indinana Mon 16-Nov-15 12:49:32

seagazer that is really not good. I would be feeling hurt too. It doesn't take much, surely, to send a card and a token gift. It does seem odd that they don't make the effort, given that when they were younger they made cards and gave you little gifts. I wonder when and why this stopped? When their parents stopped financing it? I would have thought that at that point their parents would have told them it was now their responsibility, and reminded them each birthday and Christmas. We did!
We always made sure our DC gave personal gifts and cards to their GPs, from a very young age, and our GC always buy us something and give us Christmas and Birthday cards that are separate from the ones their parents give.
If it were me, I think I'd stop buying them presents, since they are now older and working. And I would explain why, though that would have to be done diplomatically if you don't want to create any bad feeling with them or your DD and SiL.

seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 12:59:54

That's what my DH says Indinana , not buy them anything, besides anything else they really aren't grateful for what we buy them.
I sound a right grumbler don't I. smile

Indinana Mon 16-Nov-15 13:02:09

Well I think you have a perfect right to this particular grumble. Grumble away I say smile
And have some cupcake. (Too early to say have some wine grin)

seagazer Mon 16-Nov-15 13:12:41

Thanks Indinana smile

Elrel Mon 16-Nov-15 13:33:18

Seagazer, as your daughter used to prompt them to make cards for you I'm surprised they didn't carry on with at least a card as they got older and, presumably, organise their own cards (and indeed presents perhaps) for friends, parents, each other. You say they do give presents to their parents. Maybe you could find a tactful way to say something to your daughter, or to them, reminiscing about how you loved their cards when they were younger.

What my grandchildren do is to some extent a reflection of what their parents do. It also depends, I've realised, on their personality and, of course, age. I can understand that you're feeling hurt.

Indinana's post includes a lot of what I've said - sorry to repeat, only just saw it!

Jane10 Mon 16-Nov-15 13:41:30

Christmas gifts from GCs? My DCs always tried very hard to buy something nice for their Gran. She was always pleased but it must have been a struggle for her the year DS gave her a packet of 'Dead Sea Mud for Ageing Skin'!
Well its the thought that counts.