Christmas gifts off grandchildren.

That's my plan, FN. Save The Children's wishlist gives lots of possibilities and the family has already given presents for my birthday. What could I possibly need or want?

It's never occurred to me that my GC might give me presents.

This is a serious question, not a dig at anybody.

How do parents encourage their child to experience the pleasure of giving, if they don't start young with someone they care for like a grandparent?

I can understand this more if the grandparent is not a regular part of the child's life, as often the bond is not as strong between them.

I am not a regular poster on the forums but the question you raised Seagazer struck a chord with me. Two of my now teenage grandchildren have long since ceased to even acknowledge receipt of their cards and gifts for birthdays or Christmas and I have never received anything from them. Whilst it is more of an effort for them as I don't live in the UK, it is the lack of courtesy that upsets me and the implicit sense of entitlement to receive. Both are active on social media sites and have all the latest technology. At one time a brief thank you message would appear from one on Face book. I have decided that this year, I will not be buying Christmas gifts for them.

I have yet to decide upon my future Birthday present policy. So, just to say that you are not alone with this.

I think getting cards is really nice especiallyif they are handmade. But I am not bothered at all about not getting a present. It also depends if you are going to see them or be with them for the day? In that case a little something would be a good idea. I think if you have to ask it spoils everything because then you will just know they are doing it so as not to have you grumble!

We don't get Xmas presents from dgc but we do get cards that they have made. We do, however, get birthday presents.

I twinned my DGSs' lav. They were in fits of laughter well impressed.

Wilma I know, I could totally understand it if I hadn't been a huge part of their lives. I did everything for them, that's what hurts.
Lavande it hurts doesn't it.

Catlover yes I've decided I'm not going to drop any hints.

seagazer at least you've been able to chat about it on here.

jing that's not a gift easily forgotten!

I think a twinned toilet for those who forget thank yous or even gifts is a brilliant idea. I'm going to copy that if I may.

My ghastly grandmother (yes she was horrific - broke up my parents marriage etc etc) used to hang on to presents she was given and then distribute them the following year. Often she forgot to remove the card inside - it became a family joke.

Re the giving of money. Can I represent the other side of that? My children were given money each year by members of the family (in addition to a tiny something on Christmas Day). It went into their savings account and when the eldest was about 8 it was enough to buy their first pony. That starter fund meant they were able to ride until they left school. Each animal was bought as a baby, schooled on and then sold to finance the next one. They were entirely self-funding most of those years. Without that seedcorn they would never have been able to achieve what they did. We never regarded money as a cop out.

I was always brought up to give my GPs and some aunts and uncles little presents and we brought our children up to do the same. But now we don't get presents from any of our grandchildren and at one point our (affluent) children announced that they didn't buy presents for adults. We just carried on giving them small presents and it now seems to have gone back to giving nice presents.

Birthdays are a competition between me and DH to see how many cards we 'score' from 3 sons, one usually, two if specially favoured! lol

I have been divorced for a long time and when we divorced my younger daughter decided to take the side of my ex( silly to have sides I know) but my elder daughter has kept neutral. My elder daughter married (the wedding as awkward -but it was a lovely day) and when my other daughter married I was not invited. She does not want any contact. They have both gone on to have children my eldest has 2 sons and my younger daughter has a 2.5 year old daughter who I have never met and is expecting again. I send birthday and Christmas cards etc but never hear back. It's sad but I'm always hoping that one day .............

I see nothing wrong in giving money for difficult or expensive teenagers and I would much prefer to buy something personal. I think it's a bit unfair to say the people who give the money are having an easy option. If you give something they don't want you are cluttering up their homes. I loved the snowy scene advent calendar someone mentioned yesterday and was told no they hadn't the room!

I was a single parent with 4 children, no grandparents about. I made sure we thanked honorary aunts and uncles and gave little gifts. I give to my two working grandchildren and they give to me. I have four under 8. Their parents make sure they give me little presents and home made cards -which as many of you say- are more precious than anything! The little ones also send thank you notes, sometimes done on computer - but who cares!
I think the problem is nowadays that life is so materialistic and hectic with both parents having to work.
What I am not happy about is the lists for the children that are circulated! I refuse to join in and they know that Nana gets Father Christmas to bring surprises!

Our daughter is 2 and we've helped her get a present for all her grandparents (she's a lucky girl and has 6!) every birthday/Christmas so far. I think it's a lovely tradition and don't understand why people wouldn't.

We did get a message from fil the other day reminding us to get something for mil this year which is frankly just odd as we always do. I don't get it - got my back up a bit if I'm honest. Like he was saying what we usually get isn't good enough.

Every year my son has some reason why he cant afford to buy for me or send anything from my grandchildren. The eldest GD lives with her mother and is now 17. When she was the only GC we took her to disneyland in Paris and Florida, bought most of her clothes and shoes, had her stay with us most weekends after her parents split (she was just under 2 years old). Since moving away 12 years ago I have paid for her to fly over to stay at least once a year.

Last summer she was with me for 3 weeks, I took 2 weeks off work unpaid to take her out and about. A week after she returned home it was my birthday, I was so upset and disappointed when she didnt even send me a card. As i said to her she could have made one or bought one for less the 30p. This year was the same, not even a text message or phone call. Her mummy buys me a present every Christmas and sent a massive bouquet of roses when she heard I was upset about my lack of birthday card. But that doesnt make up for the fact this girl who I adore and have cared for so much doesnt care enough to spend 30p.

So now I have got tough and maybe a bit heartless. I dont send cards or presents for the youngest two when their mother stopped me seeing them (I'm not playing that game) and eldest GD gets £10 in a card, which is a drastic reduction on amount I have spent in the past. My job only pays the minimum wage and I would have alot more in my bank if I hadnt kept bailing out my son over the years. So now it is time to look after myself.

We have given money in the past but DD told us it was meaningless, but she really appreciates the other gPs gifts of money and tells dgc to ring up and thank them. It's the double standards which irk me.

Goodness those children and grandchildren all know how and where to hurt us. When I was young I was taught to save my pocket money to buy Christmas gifts to my family,grandparents included. I used to look after a friends son for free for four days a week from he was born. A few years running his mum knew it was birthday and I didn't even get a card. I was so hurt and felt unappreciated and used. If I hadn't been looking after her son she would never have been able to work. Some people are so wrapped up in their own lives they don't give anyone else a thought. As for working grandchildren who can't even buy a card for their grandparents. They obviously have not been taught manners. I would stop the presents and if they had the cheek to ask why I would say Iought it's what they had been doing for years.

yeap i quite agree, we're heading over to england for a funeral tomorrow and have arranged to see GD (if she has time after college lol). I dont feel at all guilty for being so unkind

I don't blame you, Ziggy, they had a chance to make you feel special and they have blown it. Mine too, hence doing things for myself now.

It doesn't take much to appreciate someone. I have bought 50 individual mint chocolates with "Thank You" on the wrapper. They will be given to people who make my life easier, the carers who look after my dad, the guys in the shop, even the postman (along with his special card for bringing me all my parcels, lol). Spread the love with others instead who deserve you.

This will be my second Christmas without my DGC not being in my life thanks to my wonderfully appreciative daughter. I've got used to it now and now enjoy spending on myself after doing for them all for years and not getting much back.

And the older GC could write poems for their GP's. That would cost nothing but a stamp.

When I started work I started buying or making small gifts for my grandparents. My mother never prompted me to, but to me it seemed the right thing to do. However I don't think my brother ever did the same. My daughter now buys for her only remaining grandparent but I've yet to see if my son will as he is still a student.
I agree with gillybob that prompting rather takes away the meaning so I won't be dropping any hints. Only time will tell if I will receive gifts from grandchildren.

We do receive presents from our adult DCG's, and I always ask them now, what they would like me to get them, rather than buy indiscriminately. The problem I now have is that my eldest DD separated from her DH 18 months ago. DGD (15) remained with her father. Her birthday is 4 days before Xmas, so I sent her vouchers for that, and different vouchers for Xmas, inside cards. I've had no contact with her since the separation, and no thank you of any kind. She did really well in her exams so I sent her a text congratulating her. She responded in a short text, saying she was surprised she did so well. That's the only contact I've had -apart from trying to speak to her in the street over a year ago, which wasn't exactly productive .
I don't know what to do now, about Xmas and her birthday.... DH says I should ignore it, but then, he's very 'bah-humbug', anyway.

Jane10 that reminds me of the time when I was 12 and I spent my pocket money on a birthday present for my new SIL - it was face cream called 'Second Debut* - she was about 24 at the time. I still cringe, but she never said anything!
(We are still good friends though!)

DGD1 age 6 gave me a little present last year which she had bought from her school fete.