Christmas gifts off grandchildren.

Marelli
I think I would still carry on sending to her and trying to keep in contact - in the hope that a happy relationship will be resumed when she is not feeling so raw.

rosequartz, that's the way I'm thinking, too, really. I may just send a brief and cheery text to ask how she's doing and also ask if there's anything in particular I could get her for her birthday and Xmas. It's just not in me to let it go like that.

I've been following this discussion and lots of good points have been made on both sides. At present my own GC are still at school but they make a card and a small gift each year with one or other of their parents. They are old enough to know that their Christmas gifts don't arrive from Father Christmas and always say thank you for what they receive as we meet up on Boxing Day to exchange gifts. They also create lists of things they would like and items are selected by family members. Other small surprises may be included but main gifts always come from the lists. I know that my SIL finds this arrangement odd as his own family do not subscribe to this practice but at least we know we are spending on something that will not be sitting at the back of a cupboard by New Year.

I have no idea whether or not they will continue to send cards or gifts when they are independent. I have no expectations, either, as gifts are given unconditionally. I don't recall sending anything more than a card to my own grandparents after I left home and my own children sent cards to their grandparents and contributed what they could to a family gift to the grandparents once they were independent. They may have been earning but there were many essential calls upon their finances.

I don't feel that gift giving should be a duty or indeed conditional. An unexpected hug or smile pays greater dividends in my book. I don't expect everyone to agree but it does save a lot of grief.

Absolutely right buddie. Christmas is very very commercial these days. The best bit is getting together with family for a nice dinner and a glass of wine or too

Thank you, mummyagain. Have to agree that a chance to get together and share things is the best bit of all but appreciate this is not possible for everyone. Phone calls and emails don't have quite the same feel about them.

My children, and now my DGC are always so very generous to me that I feel guilty. When I was bringing them up, there was very little to spare, and although I did my best I didn't manage to give them all the things I would have liked them to have had. Despite this, they have all grown up to be loving and big hearted adults. I suppose it must be in their character rather than a result of their upbringing.
I really do think tho', that adult GC should be responsible enough to remember their GPs in some small way. It must be very hurtful to never be thought of after you have given so much.

I was intrigued and amused by the toilet twinning idea and think that is a great idea.
I read that £60 is the actual cost of sponsoring a toilet, although you don't have to send that much, and the certificate can be sent to the family member. This can be accompanied by a note that just says that you personally love to be appreciated and love to give presents which will be appreciated too so you have hit on the very thing and you are sure this will be a great relief to many people.
Great solution for those clearly not into gifts, love it!

My grandddaughters are aged 18 and 15 and I didn't receive a gift from them, my daughter adds their names to the gift from her and my son in law but I think it's about time she stopped doing this and suggested to them that they return the Christmas compliment themselves. I have good relationships with them both and they receive plenty of pocket money throughout the year as they're not yet working, both in full time education. Like stargazer I feel hurt.

I bought my grandparents presents but I'm not so sure I'd expect DGS (who's only 2) to do so in time. DGS doesn't 'do' presents or cards but always FaceTimes, and gives us a lovely treat (he's asked us to go on holiday with them this year) instead. It's not considered a 'present' per se; Dd always buys presents and more importantly I know they both love and appreciate us which is what really matters, isn't it?

We genuinely don't expect presents so it definitely doesn't bother me or DH - surely it's the year-round relationships that count? I guess I've never been particularly in the 'I bought you a present therefore you should give me one' mindset.

Each family is different, so I can see others will think otherwise.

I'm with loopylou on this one. I don't expect gifts from my adult grandsons and I'm very pleased that they keep in touch and visit from time to time.

I never gave anything to my GPs (except once a "toe-warmer" that I had made - it caused some hilarity I remember!). And my GC simply give me a card or picture they have made - except for the older ones. I guess it is about family traditions.

My children did not give to their GPs either.

We receive generous gifts from our DD. The labels are always signed from DD, SIL and DGD. When DGD was small, we used to get a little gift from her but obviously it was her mum who bought it. She is a teenager now and still seems to like visiting us (although not so often which is understandable). She no longer gives us a personal gift but is included on the family ones. I totally understand, teenagers are more interested in their friends than their grandparents.

My children all buy cards and gifts for their grandparents, but I think in part that is because we have traditionally spent Christmas all together and also because my children have very good relationships with their grandparents - they often meet independently for lunch or coffee. All of my children have been the recipients of their grandparents financial generosity and I would be very disappointed in them if I thought they had taken this for granted.

I was brought up to believe in this, which I accept not everyone believes, but it is this Christian tradition that I hold to:
www.whychristmas.com/customs/presents.shtml

Do you see them at Christmas? If not, I would not bother to send a gift, just a card. If you all get together, you could buy a small gift, perhaps a bottle of wine or something - Do you know them well enough to know or ask their parents what they would like? Giving should be a pleasure for the giver, it is a pity that your grandchldren have not discovered that pleasure.

Didn't get one this year - first time ever! Grandpa got one but not me. We searched about but there was nothing. DS and GS are abroad for a week and DIL and GS2 are seeing her parents. Did they forget or did I do something to annoy? It's either very embarrassing all round or this is a big problem. What should I do?

I have never received a card or present off my grown up grandchildren so I am afraid now I have adopted the attitude they get gifts and cards until they are 16 and then it stops. I do have a large number of grandchildren ranging in age from 30 down to 5.

Now I live abroad unless I am visiting England I dont get gifts from my children. So really are gifts from family so important now? I would rather receive nothing than some "oh, that will do for Mum" gift.

My 5 grandchildren are all in their 20 is and we have never missed sending cards and gifts with nothing in return .I think perhaps it's about time we gave up.

I spend a lot of time with GDs, aged 9, 7 and 3 and they get £3, £2 and £1 a week pocket money from me respectively. Find this saves a lot of asking for things when we are out, as my reply is always 'you have your money'. However was delighted when they bought me presents this year. They were from the charity shop but chosen and paid for by themselves, with no suggestion from anyone that they should get me a gift. Consider myself a very lucky nanny.

DH and I were given a small jar each in which DGDs had written little notes on why they love us e.g. ' You let me sprinkle poppy seeds all over your garden'

What I would have loved more than anything this Christmas would have been to be allowed to see my grandchildren. A family split means my ex DIL has decided they " don't want to see you" . Very painful. Presents were delivered to them but no acknowledgement.

We have two daughters, one of whom encourages her children to give us small presents for Christmas bought with their own saved up pocket money or made by themselves. We did the same with our girls when they were little. We were all together here this Christmas and I am hoping the other daughter took note as her children have never given us presents. I don't think it is much to ask (especially if they are working) and we were very touched - I welled up - when our oldest DGD (15) gave us a little plaque she had bought herself on line saying she has the best grandparents in the world.

Sewsilver, my heart goes out to you, sure those hurtful comments were instigated by your ex dil, children are used as a weapon, by hurting you she hurts your son. I do hope they will contact you themselves one day, they can make up their isn't mind about you.

I was lucky I know, that my grandchildren all sent me a card and bought a gift too, I do not see them that often, but when I do it's lovely. I think that I would consider still sending presents, it needn't be a lot, just to let them know they are on your mind. If when they are working and I didn't see them, or receive a thank you for the gifts I would stop, but always send a card whether they reciprocated or not.

This year I dropped heavy hints to Grandsons aged 8 & 10 about buying presents for the family, ie their Mum & Dad + uncles + me and Grandad. Then also casually mentioned it to their Mum. Result: 10 year old bought his at school fair and 8 yr old went to the pound shop on Christmas Eve. Result: they enjoyed the experience as did the rest of the family. (they have spent every Christmas with us so felt they were old enough to join in the giving)

One grandson, who`s 18 now, has always bought us a present, since he was quite young, this year it was a doormat with Grandma and Grandad, spoiling grandchildren 24 hours a day, written on it, with a pic of an old couple, and 2 others started buying for us when they were about 20.
Boggles, your post made me think of our eldest daughter, when she was small, she had a thing about writing pads and pens for presents, another daughter bought tubes of Polo mints for me and boxes of matches for her dad, wrapped up in Christmas paper!