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17 daughter is a mum, but..

(39 Posts)
noonoo Tue 17-Nov-15 15:33:54

..other people can be so hurtful and rude. My daughter is 17 (and young looking) and has a 3 month old baby, my grandson. She's a good mum but when we are out, people stare at her and tut, you know the sort. They say things too and it really gets to me. I'm not normally out spoken but my blood bolis. I want to say to them ''Have you never made a mistake'' but that sounds like he is a mistake and he isn't he is gorgeous. Can anyone think of a really good retort that doesn't hurt my daughter, bt gets the message across??

Thanks fellow grans!

loopylou Tue 17-Nov-15 15:37:56

Just smile sweetly and say 'He's gorgeous isn't he?'?
Unfortunately those likely to criticise tend to be impervious to others' feelings.

noonoo Tue 17-Nov-15 15:41:41

Im too annoyed by then!

Coolgran65 Tue 17-Nov-15 15:52:09

This is......., He's my grandson, isn't he beautiful.
Don't make a sharp retort, keep happy vibes, perhaps your joy will be infectious smile

soontobe Tue 17-Nov-15 16:04:09

I would say "isn't he lovely?", with a big smile on my face, so much the same as ll and Coolgran.

I think if you have to do it often enough, you will be ready for it, and lose your annoyance.

J52 Tue 17-Nov-15 16:08:52

Congratulations on your lovely grandson.

People can be horrible. It is really none of their business, but like you I would want to make a comment back. The way to go is with a smile and a comment on how adorable he is and how much joy is now in your lives.
Then I'd be tempted to 'bore' then with every detail of his sleeping and waking moment!


noonoo Tue 17-Nov-15 16:15:27

Maybe Im looking at iit from the wrong point of view. I will bore them with tedious things that only a granny could love!

vampirequeen Tue 17-Nov-15 16:20:41

Every child is a blessing. Some people (my youngest daughter included) just get a blessing slightly earlier than they intended.

Ignore those that sneer. They're not worth the energy.

You have a wonderful daughter and grandson. If other people are not able to see the wonder and joy of a baby then they lead very sad lives.

loopylou Tue 17-Nov-15 16:28:17

I agree vampirequeen
They are sad, discontented individuals probably jealous and having miserable lives.
I bet your DGS is gorgeous!

ginny Tue 17-Nov-15 16:34:55

Some people just love to judge. My DD has been married nearly 7 months and is 6 months pregnant. She says she still sees people mentally adding up the months almost wanting to be scandalised !

Congratulations on your beautiful DGS and congratulations to your DD.

morethan2 Tue 17-Nov-15 17:05:31

My son and his now wife had their first at just 17. I used to say 'I know arnt we lucky. He's a wonderful gift.! He wasn't a mistake, he was a blessing and remains so at 14. The best thing that ever happened to my family. We were truly blessed.

ninathenana Tue 17-Nov-15 17:53:21

Why do people always think they have the right to judge others and comment on their lives angry
DH and I had fertility problems and were married 12 yrs before having DD.
I got fed up with people saying "Oh, so you don't want children then" I wanted to scream at them "Yes, I do !!"
I agree, broad grin and say how beautiful he is and how proud you are of your daughter being such a good mum. Congratulations flowers

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 17-Nov-15 17:58:12

Do you mean that complete strangers tut and say things. Or just people you know?

downtoearth Tue 17-Nov-15 18:55:52

nannynoomy late DD was 17 and pregnant and she felt the looks and stares very keenly and to add insult to injury it was a mixed race relationship,and the comments from people where upsetting and hurtful in these so called enlightened times....especially the ones about the council flat and mum had her share of digs as well,I cant give any advice but please dont let their ignorance spoil your happy time with your beautiful grandson...there is a lot worse things that can happen in this world than a beautiful unplanned baby xxxxxxx

trisher Tue 17-Nov-15 20:09:27

How dreadful!
Fix them with a stare and smile "Aren't I lucky, a lovely grandson while I'm still young enough to enjoy him. I am so grateful to my daughter".

vampirequeen Tue 17-Nov-15 20:09:42

Never let anyone say the baby was a mistake. He may have been unplanned but never a mistake.

loopylou Tue 17-Nov-15 20:13:08

All babies are precious gifts, early surprises or not.

miserable old biddies with nothing better to do

Charleygirl Tue 17-Nov-15 20:30:18

Look these "holier than thou" old bags in the eye, tell them what a lovely grandchild you have, how quick he is to learn even at his tender age and bore them silly with how good he is!

Judthepud2 Tue 17-Nov-15 21:45:06

Yes fully agree with everyone. Ignore the judgmental comments and be a doting Gran. My first DGS was a little surprise too. He was born on Christmas Eve evening 9 years ago and I was there to see him come into the world. There is no biological father around and DD had come home to live with us. He was and is the greatest blessing and we all love him so much. I loved to show him off as a baby and refused to listen to any negative comments. I think my enthusiasm for being a hands on granny blocked nasty comments.

annehinckley Tue 17-Nov-15 22:07:45

I agree with all the comments above. Just say how gorgeous he is & how lucky you are. That'll boost your daughter's confidence too.

Penstemmon Tue 17-Nov-15 22:12:36

We took our 8 months pregnant DD2 ( then aged 27) on holiday with us because her partner of 4 years could not get time off work. She is short and petite so looked a lot younger. The raised eyebrows, funny looks and sympathetic smiles we all got was amusing to us!
People you don't know don't matter so just ignore them!
People you care about should know better about the situation and be supportive. If they are being thoughtless let them know that you are proud of the way your DD is coping with motherhood and what a joy it is being a grandmother and then shower them in mountains of photos, facts and anecdotes of the beautiful boy!
It is nobody else's business!

gillybob Tue 17-Nov-15 22:49:07

Oh nonoo I was (only just) 18 when I had my son . He's now 35 and a father of 3. I looked about 13 and was often asked if I had my baby brother out for a walk. I wonder if strangers actually really do tut, tut or are you just imagining it? My mum, a grandma at 38 imagined all sorts of people were looking and pointing but the thing is, it was only her feeling guilty and no one really gave a damn.

mumofmadboys Tue 17-Nov-15 23:18:06

It is lovely that your daughter has had her son and you are supporting her. Abortion is all too easy and people live with regrets. I have great admiration for young mums and single parents.

Elrel Tue 17-Nov-15 23:41:14

Thoughtful posts from Penstemmon and gillybob.
I'm wondering what kind of area you live in to get such attention, it sounds like 50 years ago! All good wishes to you, your daughter and her baby.

WilmaKnickersfit Wed 18-Nov-15 00:23:10

I was just thinking along the same lines elrel. That attitude seems so dated, although some people will do anything to try looking down their noses.

nannynoo just enjoy showing off your grandson flowers