Christmas running total and would DH have a clue?

I enjoyed Beth's post, too - you have some lovely ideas.

I did DD stockings until they (both married, with their own children) told me to desist! Shame, as I enjoyed buying small, relevant items all year-round, when we were out and about on our travels. Oh well, I suppose the 'tradition' had to end sometime. Good for you, Beth, to continue it.

Your mention of home-made sweets has made me want to dig out those cellophane bags and start cooking! That's tomorrow sorted!

Beth... a lovely post...

We have dd living with us [24], also ds and his gf [23 and 24] and the situation is complicated by all three also having a birthday around Christmas Day.

This year dd admired a leather wallet which looks plain on the outside, but has gorgeous bright colours inside. I managed to find it cheaply, new, online. Ds coveted an obscure, out of print book about Martial Arts [normally an eye-watering £170+, but I found a copy on ebay for £55!].

They all - including Dh and sort-of-DIL - get [new] socks and bargain [secondhand/nearly new] clothes from ebay. So dh is getting a pair of black designer jeans, dd is getting a dress for her singing career, ds is getting a complete outfit in his favourite colour [brown], DIL is getting a designer pair of trainers.

Also they get presents costing not-very-much for their interests. For example, ds is trying to write screenplays, so I found and printed out the Screenwriters Guild list of the best 101 screen plays, also the shortlists for the Best Original Screenplays for the last three years at the OSCAR ceremonies.

In the past few years I am the one who has bought my presents - which are handed over to dh with instructions to wrap them up!!

There is always one joke gift for each. This year, for example, ds kept on about an 11 ounce burger he almost ordered - so he is getting a huge panto-style hat which is a 'burger'.

I still do Christmas stockings - there is an appropriate magazine for each to hold the stocking rigid, an orange and a red apple, a couple of chocolate coins and a couple of shiny real coins, a packet of nuts, jelly beans if I can find any at a reasonable price. Ds will be getting some things for his "Survival" interests, including a paracord bracelet and a tin containing things which will start a fire, dd and DIL will be getting hair and nail goodies from the Pound Shop, dh is getting a small wind-up torch. I'm putting the "smells almost like Chanel" spray, £4 supermarket knockoff, in mine. They get bulked out with bubble wrap saved from online deliveries!

And I will be making some old fashioned sweets [fudge, peppermint creams, turkish delight] and some spiced peaches for the Boxing Day ham. Making extra of those to go in the poundshop "kilner-style" jars as presents. Also "Oaty Milk Bath" in jam jars, home made. Ribbons, and cellophane bags, Christmas fabric scraps to cover the lids of jam jars, and red luggage label tags, and small wooden scoops for the Bath mixture, from ebay.

I have lists of who gets what and whether it is for birthday or Christmas. Totting up, I have spent about £120 on each of us [slightly less on DIL]. Also £10 on presents for each of my sisters [we have an agreed price limit] and Godchildren, about twice that for my Mum, who hates getting presents [!]. This year I have bought a £4 box of crackers which I am personalising by adding small gifts and labels. For example crystals and silver chains, 'cocktail rings', key rings, tiny pens covered with crystals. To be opened on Christmas Day, when we cannot be together.

[I am now permanently in a wheelchair, cannot walk a step, and cannot get into or out of a standard car! My family drives to see me before Christmas to exchange presents.]

Christmas food goodies have been bought as and when, with the normal shopping - though the turkey crown will be a significant purchase.

We are having an Christmas Open House bonfire party [with sparklers!] and two to three dozen neighbours will turn up and bring their own food and booze. We have that on a Sunday evening - usually 7-9pm - as there is a good chance that people do go at a reasonable time if they have work the next day! [We have one about once a month.] That costs us nothing but a few bowls of snacks and bottles of beer and soft drinks.

All in all I am feeling rather Festive!
Season's Greetings to you all, whatever your budget...

We have had a joint account since our marriage and either of us can spend as much as they like with no recriminations from the other. I suppose this works because we are both pretty sensible people and thankfully not gamblers or secret woman (in his case) or men (in mine)-isers!

This time of the year is like any other - we buy what is asked for (we have to have instructions from DC re. their own and DGC's gifts or we would be completely lost), knowing the bill will be rather larger than normal in January.

In response to the OP, I have not actually added up what has been spent - I still have one or two more gifts to buy but I do agree with many others, our DH's don't have a clue (well, they eventually do, when they view the credit card bill!) and still think 'the day' will cost about £30.00, including wines, for ten people!

Bless.

We've always had just one joint account and DH manages that account because I was terrible at managing money when we got married. We've never been well off, so I wouldn't buy anything really without checking if we have the money, especially after we lost my salary when I had to stop working (a major blow). However, things have been a bit better for a few years and I finally had enough of DH knowing about every penny I spent and feeling resentful/guilty because I was contributing far less to our joint pot of money.

So after some discussion I now have a set amount of money to spend every month - basically an allowance! It's working very well and for the first time I can buy DH things as a surprise and I have money I can spend how I want. We do most things together when it comes to money, so having an allowance has made life for both of us less stressful. My allowance is just another figure he records in his accounts and it's meant to be pocket money (generous pocket money ).

Out of all our friends we're the only ones who didn't keep their finances separate when they married. For years I was happy with the arrangement and arrogantly thought our way was a sign of love and trust , but when I lost my salary it upset the balance between us and it took several years to get to where we are now.

I find it very strange to share this information because I know this is actually more about my own self esteem than money. If I had my time again, I would keep our finances separate and would advise any young woman to do the same. Putting money into a joint pot whilst keeping your own independent money seems the best arrangement - if your budget allows for this.

You know, when I read this thread the idea that Christmas is too commercialised doesn't come through at all. What does come over to me is how much we love our nearest and dearest. Yes, a lot of money is spent, but it seems to me that this is because we like buying things we think they would like. It's so clear that our gifts are gifts of love more than anything else.

My ex would have had no idea what I spent on Xmas - I did everything from our joint account so if he'd wanted to he could have worked it out.

I'm still mildly surprised when people say things like, I bought the tree so DH will buy the drinks, etc.

I wonder if younger couples keep separate finances?

We have joint everything so either of us can use the resources although in practise it is me who makes sure all is OK - OH just relies on me. We discuss large purchases but not the day to day stuff. Works fine for us and no demarcation lines!

I find it incredible that anyone would have to "ask their H"
for money to help with Christmas expenses.

I don't really know how much I've spent on presents although i've a rough idea it's way too much. My other half has no idea of what I've bought let alone spent. He does pay for all the food though - for years I managed the household budget but then he took it over and as he's a spreadsheet fanatic everything is noted to the nth degree :-) As I still work I have my own account so am lucky enough not to have to own up what I've spent - I reckon the delivery driver from a well know shopping channel has a better idea than my husband though :-)

We are going away for Christmas, so will give dosh to grandchildren when we return, but a wee parcel to open on the day. Secret Santa for the adult children, so Himself would know exactly how much was spent ( if he cared!)

I manage our joint account and have done for the past 40 yrs. DH neither knows nor cares what I spend at Christmas or any other time.
I have to reign in his spending, it's a bit of a joke in our family that his favourite phrase is"if you want it have it"
I only buy for DH, DD, DS DGSx2 and nephews which comes to about £300 or less and about £50 on food. ( there will only be the three of us at any time over Christmas) We don't get invited out over Christmas so no added expense there.

I love this thread. I always start off with good intentions and a budget. But we all know where good intentions lead ...

It's extraordinary how the nearer to Christmas one gets the more profligate one is. For example I had every intention of going to Primark for a few presents for the grandchildren and ended up spending a fortune in The White Stuff because it is such a young and vibrant shop and the staff are so lovely.

As for buying for DH I have already bought him some expensive leather slippers to support his bad ankles but then, on a whim, have ordered a new laptop for him! How did that happen? Love comes into it I think. As I am married to the most unselfish men in the world I think he deserves something more exciting and extravagant than another pair of slippers as his main present.

A pity he won't be getting any new PJs or socks this year though ... AND I have mentally cancelled all wish-list holidays for next year.

But who cares? As long as we're together, that's really all that counts.

Like most people on here I do most of the Christmas buying etc but husband helps with food shopping (simply as he drives, I do not). What was nice is that he came with me to buy our grandchild's Christmas gift as it's their first Christmas and he wanted to be involved.

I know roughly what Christmas cost but if I had to include Christmas lunches out and that kind of thing plus a yearly outing for my daughter and self to Pantomime, I'm not quite sure what that would come to. In future years it will be the Pantomime for three, grandchild not old enough to go yet.

I think my husband does have an idea what Christmas cost, each year we invest in Asda Christmas Savings cards, which have been great for the food shopping and Christmas sweets. I do buy other special food items from Marks, did that the other day as we are going to my daughter's Christmas Day and they get loads of visitors, so we take treats, biscuits and the like to help them out as they are good enough to have us over.

Where we come from you never turn up at someone's door this time of the year empty - handed. Even a small packet of biscuits is a very welcome gesture to a friend or relative when visiting. Though we do this all year round.

When DH was in employment, he travelled overseas a lot, at short notice for indefinite periods and our household would have entered financial breakdown had I not taken full responsibility for all financial matters.

Since (sort of) retiring we have shared the honours. I still do the day to day finance. He manages savings and investments.

Old habits die hard so when it comes to Christmas, I do most of the planning and buying, though, as already mentioned, he usually pays for the Christmas tree and wine etc. Otherwise I do think he has a pretty good idea how much everything from Christmas to the weekly shopping costs. He manages to buy my presents from him without assistance, although he is sometimes sweating the last few days before Christmas in case something is not delivered in time.

Agree Monica that money is well spent on buying good quality organic food.

We are not spending so much this year due to us going away for Christmas. We will have a small get together on the Sunday before Christmas to exchange presents with our two children, SIL and two DGD's I think the most I will spend on presents is £400 as we are cutting back this year due to me reducing my working hours and us going away on an expensive holiday over Xmas.
My DH has no idea how much I spend on anything, he leaves all the banking up to me and hasn't a clue what savings we have. He never carries cash and rarely uses a cashpoint machine.

I am so happy that a lot of other households are like mine. DH sees DDs pressies for 1st time when they open them. He doesn't care what I spend on DGD and buys me gorgeous gifts (which DDs choose, get and wrap for him!). But he claims to adore Xmas!!!

I think for most of us our Christmas spending is based on what we can afford and what we think appropriate.

I expect DH and I could, if we wanted to, spend a small fortune buying DGC every toy and treat they could ever want. But we don't because DGC are quite happy with what they do get. They do not expect to get everything they want and that is as it should be. Looking through the wish lists I always ask from everybody for I see requests for DVDs, books, items of clothing and small treats, nobody is asking for, or expecting to get anything expensive.

My one unbridled expense is the basic foodstuffs of Christmas lunch. I always buy a free range organic turkey and organic gammon joint and not an ounce of it is wasted.

DH hasn't a flipping clue, he thinks our weekly food bill is c£25!
I've said that this year he has to contribute (1st time in 38 years!) and he's asked if £100 is enough....and went pale when I said that was about enough for the food, not for presents.
This 66 year old DH is in for a shock me thinks - upto this year I've been the main breadwinner and paid for virtually everything but that's changing now

I pay £200 a month into my savings account to cover Christmas. I don't spend anything like that amount so always have a healthy left-over balance in January which I use to buy something for the house and put the rest towards our summer holiday.

Works for me.

To see what others' outlay is has been reassuring to me and I know I could cut down a bit if I had to, if circumstances changed.

I too save my Tesco and Nectar points all year. They double them at Christmas. I managed to buy a lot of presents at Tesco and Sainsburys. Hubby hasn't a clue what I spend. He's very laid back about money. I like to think I manage very well anyway.

We've really cut back on Christmas this year and are having quite a simple meal on Christmas Day. Had a card from a friend yesterday and on the back she'd said they we not sending cards next year but giving the money to charity; I think I'll do the same. My DD has, instead of buying presents for some people, sent a donation to the Syrian refugees.

I know I spend a lot more than that Coolgran65 but not admitting to how much!