Children at weddings, Yes or No?

Yes let children come to the wedding it does no feel right without them.
This is my daughters wedding the little ones all went for the confetti.

Luckygirl - your comment about the event not being a performance really resonates with me. I do feel many modern weddings are seen more as a theatrical events that need to be 'perfect' rather that a loving couple declaring their love and commitment to each other surrounded by their nearest and dearest. The idea of a large all embracing family events sounds wonderfully joyous and it would be my choice any day. However, I can also accept that some couples would prefer to tailor their weddings to their own needs and preferences and although it might put several noses out of joint it is their day so perhaps they should be allowed to make that choice. In our family we have had everything from a large child orientated shindig complete with magicians and goody bags for all the children to one couple dashing off to the registry office and grabbing two total strangers as their witnesses. In many ways its a good thing that we can all tie the knot in our own personal ways and not feel the pressure of family and friends who mutter that they would not have done it that way.

I did not want children at my wedding, mainly because I was married in the Registry office and three of my cousins were very young and quite naughty children. It was a shame as another set of relatives could not get babysitters so could not attend. It is a decision that I regret as I feel having children present would have been more natural and created a family atmosphere. My excuse is that I was quite young when I married, 19, and did not really have wise advice , the only guests we had were my parents friends and a few family members so my decision about not having children was the only decision I was able to make, everything else was arranged my my parents.

I favour them being there - I know they might squeak if they are little, but the event is not a performance. It is an opportunity for a couple to make their vows with all the family present.

When my DD1 married (she was the last to do so, in spite of being the first to be born) she already had 3 children and the wedding was lovely. There were big bubble makers and we have lovely photos of the children all chasing these round the grass. They had a children's food table with old-fashioned sweet jars with treats in, a chocolate fountain etc. All the children present were welcomed and were very much central to the proceedings. It was a very lovely day.

Yes, lovely photo, g23.

Lovely photo' *granny23," they all look very happy!

granny23 what a delightful photo,

I know that one reason could be financial and if the bride is on a careful budget it's understandable. However, some venues will come up with a kid's menu fairly cheaply. A friend of ours also hired a play leader for a few hours in between the drinks and food times. I like seeing kids at weddings, it's part of family life . My DGDs then aged five and three and a half attended their great grandmother's funeral.

When my son got married, DD and her partner were invited with our grandson, who was then eighteen months old. He was very good during the ceremony, I'm glad to say, but very fidgety during the meal, as there were balloons everywhere and all he wanted to do was get down and play with them! There were older children there too so that was a distraction for him, but DD and s-i-l didn't stay for the evening do. He had been very good but they didn't want to push their luck. It was nice to have children there though; it's a nice experience for them. I haven't been to a wedding yet where children have been so badly behaved it has spoiled everyone's experience. But as others have said, it is entirely the decision of the bride and groom.

We are another family in which this situation caused a rift. My nephew's bride decreed no children - not even his sister's two little ones, who would have loved to have been bridesmaids. She didn't attend and they haven't spoken since (15 years ago)

When my DD and SonIL married (after being 'a couple' for 18 years) they already had a 6, nearly 7 yr old DD, so the wedding was designed to be child friendly, with a special quiet playroom, staffed by two childminders set aside, a children's menu and as many of the guests were staying in the hotel, plenty of beds available if someone needed a nap or early bedtime. Parents were free to choose whether to bring their children or not.

Picture attached shows the 7 child attendants, who behaved impeccably throughout the ceremony, the meal and the dancing which followed.

At DD1's wedding we had the groom's 2 boys plus, his brother's 2 boys, all under 10 and DD2's 2 babies. The older boys were on a table with some young folk and had great time and the wee ones were passed around during the day among the doting relatives. The only thing which got up my nose was that the groom's DM insisted on bringing her dog to the hotel which we had taken over for the weekend and invited them and 20 others to stay, when I most definitely left ours in kennels . Taking said dog out for its evening walk through the thronging crowd did upset me somewhat.... At DD2's wedding in Oz there were no young children and the same with DD3 as the wedding 'party' was at night in an ancient cellar (yes, really!) so we imported a nanny to look after the gc's . Everyone was happy. I think it just depends on the wishes of the bride and groom. I have been at weddings where the screams of a baby at the vital moment have ruined the occasion and at others where they have brought laughter at their antics. Each to his own.

It's a difficult situation, one we encountered when my dd married last year. Her groom has SIXTEEN aunts & uncles, so you can imagine how many children are involved there. The maximum sized venue in this area was 120, so it simply wasn't possible to invite them all, otherwise our dd would have only had a few guests from our side.

In the end, we divided the guest list into thirds, we chose our 40 guests, the groom's parents selected their 40 and the happy couple invited 40 of their friends. There were still plenty of children racketing around until the small hours, even with those limitations.

I always think that children are the whole point of a wedding. I particularly like to see them there and made a point of including them at my own then at DDs wedding many years later.

I definately think children should be included and my lovely dad who sadly is no longer with us was very vocal about this
I realise wedding meals are extremely expensive but surely some private arrangement could be made
I have already been asked to look after my DGS at the end of the year while his only ️Auntie on SiL side gets married. The brides daughter will be at ceremony ( she & DGS will both be 1 year) the only GC on that side, they are hiring a nanny for her for the day
I don't understand it at all but heyho each to their own
When my children were small we just wouldn't have gone

Yes of course children of the family should be invited to the wedding . One thing I would add is that crying or noisy children should be taken out during the service , I went to a wedding recently where the 3 year old daughter of the bride and groom screamed her head off during the service , the person looking after her seemed oblivious and just let her carry on .

This caused a rift in our family that has lasted to this day.
My brother always spoilt his niece n nephew (our sister's children) when my brother married the bride decreed no children. My sister's husband flipped, refused to attend the wedding and consequently sister and BiL and children have since been estranged from the family.
We didn't have a problem at D wedding as we had no young children in the family. D did not invite friends children.
I feel it's the bride n grooms choice.

I think it depends entirely on the wedding and what the couple getting married want. One doesn't have to invite anyone to one's wedding, after all, so long as one has a couple of witnesses.

It's the marrying couple's day, not anyone else's. Whether they want a full blown family affair is up to them.

Yes, I love to see children at weddings.

Possibly, although I don't think many of their friends have children. Maybe they could have invited children of family only.

Could it be because they would feel obliged to invite the children of guests who are not family and who are badly behaved?

It's really difficult, can cause tension in families. Our experiences was of being told no children at the ceremony (but OK at the reception). Our DS and his young family waited outside the Church to see several small children exit with their parents, to say they were furious is an understatement. It spoiled the day for us all. I think consistency is the key here. Of course it's the choice of the bride and groom, but please be consistent to avoid hurt feelings.

Yes definitely.

Children love weddings and being at "grown up" parties. And I love it when they are invited. So it's a yes from me.

Agree totally Roses. My twin DDs aged 10 were the only bridesmaids at my cousin's wedding but DS aged 7 and DD3 aged 3 were excluded. As all of my extended family were at the wedding we had babysitting problems. FIL and MIL kindly stepped in to help but they were both elderly and MIL had early stage Parkinson's so couldn't do overnight. So we had to leave early despite having helped my cousin to get dressed and ready for her wedding.

Imagine my annoyance when we got to the reception to find several small children of friends there because no babysitters.

When DS and DIL got married, all the grandchildren as well as several other children of friends were there. It was a lovely friendly wedding and the little ones had a ball. They made it a happy family occasion.

However, it is your nephew's and his fiancée's wedding so they obviously call the shots. Pity!