What did you learn positive or negative from your own mother in law?

I learned not to keep viewing your AC - and by extension, your CIL - as "kids" and try to run their lives. A very valuable lesson, I think.

Not sure I can say I've particularly learned anything from my mother in law, but I love her to pieces and she loves me right back. And we tell each other that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing !!

My first MIL was ok, we had little in common. I guess I tolerated her, and she really did not get me at all. After I divorced her son, an alcoholic bi polar man with serious issues on all sorts of levels which i was not capable of recognising when we married (I was very young)i became the devil's spawn. Needless to say, when he committed suicide ten years after that, I was blamed.
When I remarried, I hoped that i would get on really well with MIL number two. I saw we had much in common, both loving cooking, sewing and reading. I was to find that she really was not interested in becoming friends, and saw me as a burden. Sad really, she hurt my feelings countless times when i had done nothing to deserve it. I have now toughened up and she cannot really hurt me any more. I no longer have any interest in communicating with her beyond the niceties. living in different countries is the only positive I can say of our relationship.

so much so that it posted twice

MIL was not a difficult MIL she was just very needy which suffocated me,especially as she was widowed,and my father died 6 weeks after the birth, and death of my first daughter so had my mum, and Mil to deal with,as well as a problematic younger brother,this continued for many years until MIL passed away,I couldn't cope with every ones needs as well as my own,and my own mothers behaviour was difficult,which suffocated me as well with her neediness,and supporting my brother as well..

I have no expectations, demands,just offer friendship and support,and also recognise that my son may one day be accepted into another family where hopefully he is loved as much as we love him.

MIL was not a difficult MIL she was just very needy which suffocated me,especially as she was widowed,and my father died 6 weeks after the birth, and death of my first daughter so had my mum, and Mil to deal with,as well as a problematic younger brother,this continued for many years until MIL passed away,I couldn't cope with every ones needs as well as my own,and my own mothers behaviour was difficult,which suffocated me as well with her neediness,and supporting my brother as well..

I have no expectations, demands,just offer friendship and support,and also recognise that my son may one day be accepted into another family where hopefully he is loved as much as we love him.

I have no expectations of who my darling son chooses to be his partner,soul mate,or significant other ....all I know is at THAT moment they are right for him,and they are welcome for a day, a week ,or a lifetime they are his choice.I am still in touch with exes from way back....I don't judge just accept,have no expectations if my boy is happy then I am..

Rosina & vampirequeen ??
My MIL was very similar.... What did I learn? That as a three times a week churchgoer she was the most bitter, miserable and bitchy woman ever. She never had a good thing to say about anyone, let alone me, and she never called me by my name. My DSiL admitted recently (and I get on very well with her) that I would never have done anything right for MIL......
Even when I was nursing her, at home, when she was dying she was still as unpleasant as she could possibly be.

Very sad.

I would hope that I'm a decent MIL, I love and respect my DDIL.

What did I learn from my mother in law?
How to make amazing quick snacks when someone calls at lunchtime.
Scrambled egg tarted up with a bit of tomato and onion on toast - lots of seasoning - still a favourite 40+ years on. Loads more. Emotionally, absolutely nothing positive. She was very distant and I always knew she didn't approve of me humble background.

My sister had a lovely MIL. She was so kind and welcoming and treated my sister as the daughter she never had the absolute opposite to my own MIL.
The last few years of my sister's MIL's life she used to go to help her have a bath and wash her hair once a week. Dear sister had been a nurse and her skills came into play when her dear MIL had a serious stroke and died in her own bed within 24 hours looked after by my sister.
Her MIL had had a hard life and was so appreciative of everything. She was an astute observer of folks too.

Distance precluded a close relationship. I'm not sure we knew each other well, but with hindsight I absorbed so much from her. How to welcome and then not show the pain of departure. Acceptance of us all and indeed everyone she met, the right level of spoiling of grandchildren, stoicism with life's difficulties, independence, loyalty and that baking is a way of showing love without words. I really wish I could have known more of her and shared more with her.

My mother in law was a better mother to me than my mum. Imagine my surprise when she turned out to be a self indulgent granny. Not so perfect then!

Mine never criticised the way I looked after/brought up her DS or her DGC, although I know she didn't always agree with my methods. I've found that a useful lesson when dealing with my own DC and DCIL.

MiL: Don't invite yourself down to stay wait to be invited, if the invite is not forthcoming don't turn up uninvited, especially at your DiL's house when her father was seriously ill. Don't give advice or expect that your method of looking after a baby which is over 30 years out of date will be approved off. No sugar in the bottle of water means that. She wasn't that bad I was young and lacked confidence, but did learn a lot of what not to do from her.

Mum: accept your children's choice of partner, they might be right my brother and I both picked good partners but if we hadn't we might have stayed in bad marriages longer although I don't think that she would have turned us away.

The only thing I learned from my mil was to make tasty onion stuffing!
She was a mediocre grandmother too, and she had a nasty streak which she kept fairly well hidden until I divorced her son. Then my daughter and I were both treated to a diatribe of bitterness.

vampirequeen

My Mil is a gem,she's nearly 90 and adores all her grandchildren and great grandchildren.
She's never offered advice unless you ask her.she has endless patience with children
And she tolerates all of their funny querky ways.
I have told my Mil how blessed I have been to have her to learn from,but she said no I'm the one whose been blessed,such lovely grandchildren and a lovely dil!isnt she a gem?!
My own mother was very different.I learnt what not to do there!

My MIL was always nice to me as was my FIL. I didn't appreciate them as much as I should and I regret that we didn't have more time together. I now find I have turned into my MIL and the things about her I thought slightly odd I now understand completely. My dear mother and father got on with my in laws really well which was wonderful.

I'm the same. Mine tought me how to make Bavarian potato salad but not how to do Bavarian roast pork. She took that knowledge to the grave and everybody misses it
She was good with the children until they were old enough to have an opinion and then what they said or did that she didn't agree with was my fault.

My MiL taught me how to make onion pudding.
It was the only decent thing to come out of her.

That I was never 'good enough' for her son and that I must have married him for his money!! (of which he had absolutely none .............). My only good point was that I gave her 2 grandchildren .................................

My mother had died shortly after my first marriage. My first MIL was lovely but completely dominated by her husband. She was a rotten cook and poor housekeeper but I was very fond of her. My second MIL was super and loads of fun. When I had my babies she always prefaced any advice with ' I always found so and so helpful ' instead of 'do this do that . She especially adored my son and he adored her. She was quite unwell before she died with an MS sort of illness, she changed a great deal . Such a shame as we still miss her twenty years after she died.

Not to follow my daughter in law around saying 'You sit down, dear, and I'll do it'. I know she meant well but it drove me to distraction. It used to be a joy to go to the toilet as it was the only place she couldn't say it to me !!

Vampirequeen, that is truly shocking

My MIL was a gem. She lost her own mother at 12 and became the home-maker for her father and brother. She was a lovely, caring woman with a great repertoire of hearty recipes, and endless love for her grandchildren. She helped me a lot when they were small without making a song and dance about it, and I only really appreciated how much she did once I became a grandmother myself. My DC particularly loved to bake and cook with her and this is something I like to do a lot of with my own DGC.

Dear God, vq she takes the biscuit and no mistake! How awful for you.