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Thank you letters

(78 Posts)
Kelly1 Sat 14-May-16 09:20:14

I been sending cash birthday and Christmas gifts to my small God children for the last five years and have not had a single thank you letter from the parents. Should I ask them if they ever received the gifts which I would find embarrassing or just stop sending.

Jenty61 Sat 14-May-16 09:26:48

I think its very rude that the parents have not thanked you ....if it were me I would just send a card in future and set some money aside for the god children and save it until their older ie when their 18...

Bellanonna Sat 14-May-16 09:39:22

I'd probably have checked after the first time I didn't hear back. I find their lack of response very rude. You say "small" God children so I'm assuming they are too young to acknowledge on their own, but at the very least their parents should put them on the phone to say thank you. Not sure what you can do now after five years. In future I'd be inclined to send just a card, as I'm not sure f you can say anything now. I personally find that lack of a thank you inconsiderate although from what I hear it's not all that unusual. My own reaction would have been to check after the first lack of acknowledgement.

sunseeker Sat 14-May-16 09:51:11

I gave up expecting to receive a thank you or even an acknowledgment years ago. I buy a Christmas gift for my brother in law and his wife every year (they are very helpful to me now I am on my own). They never say thanks or even tell me they have received it. Whenever they help me I always make a point of thanking them and telling them how much I appreciate it.

I recently sent £100 to a niece for her 18th birthday. The only way I knew she had received it was because I had to send the card and cheque to her parents house as she moves around so much and they told me they had passed on the card.

I read recently of a woman (in America I think) who encloses a cheque with any cards but doesn't sign it - she usually gets a visit within a few days!

cookynan Sat 14-May-16 10:24:13

When did people become so rude and ungrateful? If you are given a gift then you should say thank you - by letter, even by email, text or phone call. To accept the gift without acknowledgement is disgraceful

harrigran Sat 14-May-16 11:32:48

One of DH's work colleagues had a first baby in her 40s and was trying to manage on her own. When the baby was born we gave a large amount of money and baby clothes, over the years we continued with Easter, birthday, Christmas gifts and money every time we saw the child. For the first 12 years we used to get a thank you note, later written by the child, but suddenly the acknowledgements stopped arriving. We were not visiting the house so I assumed that they may have moved and not informed us, that was when I decided no more. I could have been sending gift cards to the new owner of the house and they could be spending M&S, Debenhams and John Lewis vouchers.
When you are giving gits of money it is not too much to expect them to spend the price of a stamp.

chloe1984 Sat 14-May-16 11:40:29

It's very sad (not to mention very rude) but now I am surprised if I get even a verbal thank you. It has made me reassess my thoughts on sending gifts as I feel if they can't be bothered thanking me I can't be bothered buying it. The latest was a fairly large cash amount as a wedding present - attended the wedding no mention was made of the gift and weeks later no letter/card/text to say thank you. I am turning into a grumpy old woman but I no longer feel that I should bother .

BBbevan Sat 14-May-16 12:22:08

My DGDs always send the most marvellous thank you letters to everyone. They are personal to the gift giver and have wonderful illustrations. They have done this since they could grasp a crayon. So all praise to my DDiL.

Greyduster Sat 14-May-16 12:32:26

I had a telephone call from my SGS yesterday - just as I was about to go to bed - thanking me for the cheque I sent him for his 18th birthday and eager to bring me up to date with everything he'd been doing since I saw him last (in April!). I supposed that eleven o'clock was still quite early for him! In between my frequent bouts of yawning, we had a nice chat! DD has always made an effort to get GS (9) to write thank you letters; she asked me if I would like to supervise his last one, weeks ago, to DH's sister, who sets great store by these things. It is like pulling teeth, the older he gets ("can't I send an email?" "No, Auntie ** doesn't look at her computer very often!" Amazed silence!) but he wrote quite a nice letter in the end. DD said she would put in his latest school photo and send it off. I noticed last week that it is still waiting. At this rate it will be going with the next one....!

SueDonim Sat 14-May-16 14:54:23

I don't mind whether it's a verbal/text/whatever response, I just like to know it has arrived.

I recently received a thank you note for a wedding gift that I gave three and a half years ago. I had been surprised there had not been a thank you card but shrugged it off as modern life. Then a belated thank you note arrived.

Apparently, the cards had all been ready to send but it seemed that some of them must have slipped down behind the furniture they were on and the unposted cards were only discovered when they were having a clear-out. Better late than never! grin

notanan Sat 14-May-16 15:18:50

I think if it's bothering you it's improtant to ask ASAP, rather than keep wondering as that could lead to resentment and there might be an explaination (wrong post code, mail staff nicking cash etc)

how about next time you post it dropping a text to say "just popped X's gift in the post, let me know when it arrived so that I can chase up royal mail if it doesn't x"

Willow500 Sun 15-May-16 05:29:51

I'd be inclined to just send a card in future. If asked you can then say you've never been sure the money has arrived. I used to spend hours making my own cards but no one ever acknowledged receiving them so I gave up and just buy shop bought ones now. I do however at least get an inbox message for gifts I send to my family - it's very rude not to say thank you.

Neversaydie Sun 15-May-16 09:23:18

Sent cash gift abroad as wedding present to a young man I've known all his life (with his parents so I know it got there )His mother mortifed I got no thanks-she even sent him my email address.Debated whether to buy the baby they shortly had anything but did so Again nothing .I have since seen the baby and had a lovely pic of him with a Thank you Was a bit miffed Stopped sending my godson presents after a cheque I sent when he graduated was never cashed and I got no thanks His mother did check he'd had it I think its incrdebily rude I don't give gifts to be thanked but it is nice to be told what the money was spent on and a bit of 'news'is also good to get
I'm pleased to say my DDs (at 30 and26) still do actual letters as Thank yous though like most of my contemporaries I'd be fine with an email or text

starstella Sun 15-May-16 09:23:54

I have sent my nephews Christmas and Birthday cash.I have NEVER had a thank you.I will continue 'til the youngest is 18 and then stop.The oldest was 18 this year so I put in more cash.More fool me.
My friends all have daughters and when I send presents to their children. I ALWAYS get a home made thank you card..They don't know each other so is it a girl thing?
My toes curl when people don't say please and thank you.Just watch Tipping Point to see what I mean.It is usually the young ones but some older people do it too.I don't understand it.

Sauron3010 Sun 15-May-16 09:26:12

As everyone has said at least an acknowledgement is something. One son writes letters the other son phones for a long chat. Step grandchildren have never written or phoned so last year I adjusted the amount as a small protest ! We have a cut off point at 21 in our family for birthdays so it is not forever. Could also think that moral high ground is a nice place to be so continue with whatever you are comfortable with. X

patd Sun 15-May-16 09:27:33

gave up sending certain people birthday/xmas cards, never getting a thank you, especially now they are on the internet, email,text, mobile, dont matter what a thank you would have been nice.

Rosie72 Sun 15-May-16 09:27:58

I taught my son when he was small to always say thank you as it goes a long way in appreciation. Now he is older and they have just had their first baby I was thrilled to find that he and his wife wrote to everyone who had sent gifts for their baby and people were thrilled to hear from them

harrysgran Sun 15-May-16 09:30:02

It seems very rude and the parents are to blame especially if the children are very young my niece always gets her children to send a homemade card or letter and I do appreciate this however no amount of nagging falls on deaf ears where my own daughter is concerned when it comes to reminding her to get her son my GS to do this I usually end up getting him to thank them on the phone when he is staying with me.

Tingleydancer Sun 15-May-16 09:31:04

I always sent my sister and her three children birthday and Christmas presents and never, ever received thanks. However once they were married the thank you letters arrived. I can only assume their partners had better manners than my sister! It's extremely rude not to say thank you and I couldn't understand my sister, as we were both brought up to have good manners.

Nanevon Sun 15-May-16 09:31:56

Whenever I send parcels, vouchers or money to DGC, I always send a text to my DIL to say that "X" is on the way and would she just text me to say that it has arrived. It seems to work quite well.

geeljay Sun 15-May-16 09:36:12

D'you, know, I think we granps are to blame. We have allowed the written note to erode. Confess, we all used to write, then over the years, we accepted the electronic mail, and found it convenient to use. Brilliant, I accept. 2 years ago I wrote a letter, to my g/daughter on the birth of her son. I allowed the letter to flow. (ramble/reminisce) But she replied (by text) thanking me for the letter, saying that it was THE FIRST letter she had received from anyone, and she was so thrilled she could read, and re read it! Also wrote to an old (distant) aunt, who was an avid writer. She has phoned me on 2 occasions to thank me, saying how 'lovely' to receive a written letter, which she reads regularly. So we must have let it slip into the convenience of the past. x

Smithy Sun 15-May-16 09:42:52

Generally speaking thank-you letters seem to be a thing of the past. In this day and age you'd think even a just a quick text would be nice but it doesn't happen. My step grandson is 21 next year and I used to put a little bit aside in savings for his 21st. I don't have a lot and it's a few hundred pounds now. I know for a fact unless I actually give it to him in person it will not be acknowledged by either him or parents.

Angela1961 Sun 15-May-16 09:43:11

I have a dilemma also and would appreciate feedback. I am estranged from my 30 year old daughter and have been for quite a few years. I divorced my husband and she decided to put herself in his camp. My elder daughter hasn't taken any side and thankfully we are fine. In the time she has stopped contact she has married and had two children who I don't see. I still send Christmas /birthday cards but don't receive any back. She recently had her second daughter and as with the first I sent a card with a cheque in. As the first time, the cheque is cashed but no thanks received. I don't want to be the grandma who is not bothered but how will I know future cards etc are given to my grandchildren by my daughter As they grow up. I hope they might want to know me one day even if my daughter does not.

arranmum Sun 15-May-16 09:44:17

I have NEVER once received an acknowledgement from any of my family in Canada. I used to send ( at great expense) presents for birthdays , Christmas , Easter Halloween etc. Now , I've stopped bothering , I don't even send them cards anymore. I send DGSs texts on their birthdays and Christmas and I Skype DS almost every day, ( no one else seems to be interested in talking!) DDiL has always had the attitude , I'm DS's Mum , not hers but I'm pretty sure , if DGSs didn't thank her side of the family , there would be ructions! I've just decided not to let it bother me so much , life's too short !

DotingGrandma Sun 15-May-16 09:48:34

A friend of mine got so fed up of not receiving any acknowledgement that she stopped sending gifts except for the final one - a pack of thank-you cards!