Thank you letters

Rhinestone, I have just seen your post. I am in complete agreement with you. Well said.

Angela1961 I am in the same position with my son for the same reason. When he cut me out of his life, he had one child. I last saw him 8-years-ago on his first birthday. Subsequently, I sent a gift and a card. Then I heard on the grapevine that he had a second child (months after the birth). At this point, I started to just send cards to both children. A few years later, one of my daughters, who he has also cut off for some minor misdemeanour, discovered on Facebook that he had a third child! Given that it upset me deeply whenever I allowed myself to think about the situation, so buying and posting cards always left me upset for days, I decided to stop. I don't know these children, and they don't know me. I now put my time and my money into my other grandchildren. Maybe one or more of my son's children will seek me out when they are older out of curiosity. I will welcome them if they do, but I consider that my son has made it clear that he does not want me in his, or his family's life. So be it!

It's a shame that people don't always say thank you.

I used to send birthday gifts to my late sister's 8 Grandchildren, but now only send a card as I never received one thank you card from any of them.

My grandchildren are delightful AND fully capable of writing( aged 6-15). I have sent expensive presents and receive acknowledgement only from my daughters...... sons rarely

I explained last time I wrote to granddaughters( Christmas) aged 11 and 14, that I spent much time and money finding something appropriate. I would be delighted to forego the trolling around the local shops if they did not find the result to be significant . It was their choice!... they could write and tell me the gifts had been received and were appreciated OR I would be so happy to obviate the finding of presents for them.

Come the end of January... nothing.... then the eldest one's birthday date passed In early February, what a delightful, appreciative and newsy letter I received about the Xmas present. She hadn't realised I meant what I said until her birthday had passed without anything from me..... a letter from her sister... autumn birthday followed.
Could well be cultural! D-i-l says that in her country one never thanks relatives as their activity is absolutely expected, letters or no

Stella14 - Thanks for your reply. Part of me knows that deep-down I should do the same as you, but I'm forever hopeful. I know this has emotionally affected me as 3 weeks ago my elder daughter was having my youngest daughters little girl for the day as she was in hospital with her husband having the baby when I telephoned and heard my granddaughters voice for the first time ( she is 3 1/2 ) I wanted to cry. It's such a sad situation but as much as I've tried there is no give in her- she has completely cut me out.

anjanela - brilliant idea! How about including a stamped postcard designed along the following lines to be completed by the recipient of the present:

Dear Gran (or whatever name you use)

Your birthday/Christmas/wedding/............( delete as appropriate and/or fill in the gap) gift has been received.

I really liked it/ I quite liked it/ to be honest it wasn't really my sort of thing because................ (explain reason) .

News this end is.................(recipient to provide any information worth sharing).

I hope you are well/ feeling better/not dead yet/............. (again, delete or fill in as appropriate).

Thank you for thinking of me. Family/friends is/are important.

With love/ best wishes/other......... ( see above instruction) from............ (recipient)

Bluebells, have you ever thought of sending a video from their cousins, although I don't know what age they are, maybe they could say that we would love to see you and show you this or that etc.

I like the American lady's idea,send a cheque and don't sign it!
I recall my own mother sending Hand knitted Arran jumpers to my brothers 4!
Children in Germany in a bundle for Christmas.no Thankyou, note, or anything.she was ill at the time and it took a lot of effort for her to do these.
I think I was more angry than she was,she didn't have much energy for anything.when I asked my brother if they had received them he just said yes, of course.i suggested a Thankyou might be in order but it never came.more than 12 years ago and I'm still angry,sorry it's turned into a rant!

My sister's brood have always sent formal letters, but I guess these days any kind of thanks is the norm. Facebook is a good medium for that sort of thing. I have dropped the birthday cards to the young adults nowadays and greet them on there.

When we send gifts to great nephews and nieces it makes it more appropriate to do so if we get befriended by their parents on FB, and they have often said a little thank you on there

Just put the phone down from my daughter with her birthday boy(aged 7), driving back from swimming, so he could speak on the hands- free, SO excited to thank me for the pack of Roald Dahl books I sent for his birthday. One problem - which should he read tonight. My children have always got their children to thank the family, when they were very little, it was just a drawing. Have to agree it is having an acknowledgement that's important. So easy too, these days with text and email.

I have a God daughter who I now rarely see for whom I have bought birth gifts, christening gifts, and birthday and Christmas presents for her entire life - 45 years. I am not rich, but she has always had a nice little something sent with a card, but since she has become an adult I haven't had one single acknowledgement, never mind thanks. For her fortieth I had a bracelet made for her - it was lovely as I consulted others of her age who all agreed it was an item they would like to receive, but still not a word. My family say I should stop buying her anything, but.....

My husband's cousin had a baby and for years I sent money for birthdays and Christmas. I also brought a couple of expensive presents back from America at various times. Never a word of thanks, either from her mother, or from her when she was old enough to understand where said gifts had come from. On this child's tenth birthday, my daughter pointed out that we wouldn't know her if we saw her in the street, as we hadn't seen her since she was twelve months old. I decided at that point that enough was enough and stopped sending gifts or money.

what I find frustrating about non-acknowledgement of gifts is wondering if it has actually arrived and if it has got lost in the post, that the intended recipient will think I have forgotten them ! However, in recent years I have bitten the bullet and stopped sending to two close families who have never said Thank you. Nothing has been mentioned, but if it had been I would have been honest.

He would be getting no money off me . A text takes a minute to send.Istopped giving cards and money just for that reason.

As soon as my daughters could write they always sent thank you letters, proper letters full of news about school etc, the 15 year old grand daughter always sends a nice thank you letter and now the 5 year old writes 'thank you' and her name. I used to send Christmas presents to the two sons of my cousin's daughter but they live at the other side of the country, we never see them and buying for boys is difficult. So three or four years ago I sent M&S vouchers. On the post-Christmas round robin from my cousin's daughter and her husband, these two boys (probably then aged about 10 and 13) had tagged on the end 'thank you' and then went on to make a comment along the lines of vouchers being more suitable for old ladies than teenage boys. They probably thought they were being funny and I'm sure that their parents didn't see the comment before it went in the envelope. I didn't tell their parents or my cousin but my presents stopped. At their age they should have been sending proper letters for years. I myself have always sent thank you letters but many of my generation, surprisingly, do not.

I always made my boys send a drawing of the gift when they were too young to write. Even a scribble would suffice when they were really tiny.
I was told by an aunt years later that my boys were the only ones of all her young relatives that bothered.

Now I'm finding that very few of our various young relatives bother to acknowledge our gifts, in fact, my neice's boy (now 28) has never acknowledged his gifts, either birthday or Christmas. I will admit to being shocked.

Now we have great grandchildren the same thing is happening. There can be no excuse, it's just plain rudeness.

The last time I gave cards to my GS was on his first birthday nearly two years ago. They were opened and then trampled on by both him and his older brother. No picking them up off the floor by my now ED and putting them somewhere safe, and no mention of a thank you for the cards or his presents. So since the estrangement, I send nothing. The children will not know me and I deserve more respect than to have my gifts trampled on.

I had this conversation with my family a while ago and always make a point of asking whether they have got these cards as a silent protest! I'm sure if I didn't send them something they would be quick to ask if I was still alive ha ha

Buy yourself a little gift with the same amount of money and on the same day as you would normal send to these ungrateful rude people. And don't even bother sending them a card either. You may find they will then contact you to see where their present has got to! By the way, I love Sunseekers idea of sending an unsigned cheque and Doting Grandma - pack of Thank you cards, priceless!!

I feel for you Ruby, that's awful

I recall posting a comment on Facebook, a couple of years ago, saying that I was a bit upset that people no longer take the time to send a note of thanks when they've received a present/card from you. Although I didn't name and shame, the particular niece to whom I'd never received a response from, made quite a nasty comment about it and I then received a begrudging notelet giving 'thanks' in the post. We now have a family agreement that presents are only for the kids not the adults and we just send out birthday cards, her brothers likewise never bother to thank me for their cards but still, if you've received a card in the post shouldn't you be grateful that your birthday has been remembered?

The fact that they don't live nearby, and we rarely see them, it's not as if I can ask if they received it or, more appropriately, that they would have the opportunity to thank me in person.

Frankly, if I've taken the time to go and choose a card, sit down and write it, and then put it in the post, a quick thank you wouldn't go amiss? I mean, I don't even know if they've received it unless they respond to me, do I? They all know my email address and that I'm on Facebook so I'm not even expecting them to sit down and write a thank you note - all it takes is an email or a FB message which is certainly no hardship in this day and age.

I think life's too short to worry about getting thanks for a card. It is polite to say thank you for gifts, but I don't buy them with any expectation of getting anything back in return- it's a nice bonus if I get a thank you, though.

It costs nothing for someone to say Thank you, my daughters three children always say Thank you either by phone, card or a little letter they never have to be prompted, but my sons three children never say it, as I was always told manners come for free so always use them. I hate the fact that some adults have forgotten how to use them and therefore children don't either. A thank you means a lot.

doting grandma that's brilliant.

When my DDs were at University I used to send handwritten letters as well as emails
They said they loved to see them in their pigeon holes-it was a piece of 'home'.I've let it lapse snd now use text and whatapp as much as emails A shame