Mum wants to be in delivery room

oneself not youself.

Almosthere Stick to your guns and to be blunt don't allow your mum to muscle in on the event.
Most of us grans feel very motherly about seeing their new grand children and it can feel like it's "grannies" last chance to get that motherly feeling back for youself.

It's between you and your partner. I have watched "one born" and you see some really useless relatives sitting about giving the impression they just want to be seen on the telly.
Don't let her in to your delivery if you do not want her.

Other posters seem to have been a little less blunt than me.
Do try and be more diplomatic about telling her than I was.

I hope all goes well.

My newest DGS was born just 24 hours ago and I am adamant that unless DD had been on her own and needed a birth partner, there is no way I would want to invade that "space". Mothers who are about to become grandmothers need to step away, to allow their DC to be the adults they were 30 odd years ago, and to relinquish their pivotal position in the family.
The relationship with a DD changes when she leaves home, marries, starts a family and I wonder if some of the relationship traumas of mothers/daughters and in laws stem from this unwillingness to step back. Yes, of course you are a mother as long as you have your children, but as a grandmother your role is different.
Your mother's intentions almostthere , may be the best in the world, but just as your baby will start the long process of independence when that umbilical cord is cut, your mother needs to slacken off her ties to you and let your partner, the baby's father take his place with you.
Me? If DD has another baby (and after 3 days of labour and a bit of a crisis at the end, she may well have second thoughts) but if she should, I am putting in for a GA and that is just for me!

I would not expect to be present at the birth of GC, it is an intimate time and no place for spectators. I had both of my children on my own, MIL was downstairs when I had the second one but she did not enter the room until baby was dressed and wrapped in a shawl.
To be honest I feel a little uncomfortable about a mother asking if she can be present, a firm no is probably best so there is no misunderstanding or expectation.

Speaking as a grandmother I think the whole idea is weird. It would never have occurred to me to have my mother present. DD never suggested it and I was quite happy to meet GS1 next day. I met GS2 sooner because she was in and out within hours. I can't imagine that hospitals want their delivery rooms cluttered up with extraneous people and why would you want to hang around for hours in a waiting room? There's a reason fathers used to lurk in the pub!

DD did ask me to be present for the birth of GS 1, but decided mid labour to have just her (now) ex husband. Am I very wicked to say how relieved I was? I was not looking forward to seeing her in pain and was still able to meet dear GS when he was just minutes old. Win win really

almostthere, Please do not feel you are in anyway odd or an unnatural daughter.
I've always viewed childbirth as a very personal intimate matter, almost private (if a room full of healthcare workers can be deemed private). What I mean is that childbirth is first and foremost something between the couple involved and its their wishes that should be respected at all costs. I was not involved in my daughter's two births but I had always had every bit of news and gossip as the pregnancies progressed and I can remember word for word the two post baby conversations I had with my SIL when he phoned me within moments of the births.

I must admit I get a bit hot under the collar when Grandparents talk about 'being given' their first grandchild - as if they are somehow entitled to a share. I have a lovely relationship with my daughter and her children, they phone me with gossip and love visiting often arguing at great length whose turn it is to pass on news or help cook etc. I was not 'given' a grandchild - I have a Grandma/Grandchild relationship that is wonderful and so very rewarding and full of love - I did not have to be there when they were born to know I love them or that they adore me and their Grandfather.

I always feel that those who were there at the conception should be the ones present at the birth. That rules your mum out unless, of course, you wanted her to be there. I would be inclined to pretend her conversation with you had never happened and launch myself into a conversation telling her she will be the first to get a phone call after the birth and you do hope she available to give support and help when you are back at home.
I must say my own daughters would just say 'you're not coming' but I'm a bit of a coward and hate to upset people

I was glad when my DDs had the freedom to choose when they wanted others involved after the birth.

We went to the house of the last born when we had a call to ask us round. We stayed for a short while, then went to leave as I did not want her to get tired, but my DD took me by the hand and said please don't leave, it is now that we need you. They made their choices and it all turned out well.

As soon as our children set up their own family units we have to take a back seat. I do not in the least think that this means they do not still love us and value what we have to offer.

Does your mum have friends/relatives who were there at their own GCs births recently?

I think it's hard in a way because some people do chose their mums, some people actualy don't even want their partners and just want their mums.. which is great everyone should have the support they need.

And obviously GPs who have been at their GCs births will be buzzing about it, but I have notice that sometimes they (unknowingly, and it's understandable they're v excited) gush about it in a way that could be a little insensitive to GPs who are loved by their DDs but just not invited to the births.

It's all well meant, but I have noticed some unfortunative wording on facebook in particular from new grans who were at births, and I think to myself "oh dear, it's not the barometer of how much a DD loves her mum" IYKWIM

Does that make ANY sense

So having that in mind might help you phrase how you explain to her. Lots of reassurance that its not a reflection on her or your relationship or the relationship she'll have with your baby.

I swore (first time) and screamed the second. I wouldnt have felt free to do either if my mum had been there.Even DH was a bit shocked (I rarely swear )
I wouldn't want to be there for DD s either (unless they were otherwise alone of course).DD 2 is a midwife and DD1 says she'd quite like her there though..

Hello almostthere and congratulations on your impending new arrival.

In my view gentle honesty is always the best policy and once she gets over her initial disappointment your mum will be so delighted with her new grandchild that nothing else will matter.

My daughter shocked me by making the assumption that I WOULD be at the births of her two children - happily her two husbands (she was widowed) also wanted me to be present and when complications occurred they were both glad I was there. As parents though, it's our job to accede to the wishes of our children in such circumstances and I'm sure your lovely mum will be understanding.

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my DD if I could be present. It would never have occurred to me to be honest. I think it is very personal between the baby's parents. However, my DD's mother-in-law did ask if she could attend. DD was horrified (they didn't particularly get on at the time). She gently told her that she just wanted herself and the baby's father to be there. I know quite a few mums who have been present at the births of their grandchildren. I think if they want you there they wil ask.

My DD expects her first babe in November and I certainly don't expect to be asked to be present, and so wouldn't be hurt. As others have said, it's a time for the new parents to share, to my mind exclusively. Different if the expectant mum would be on her own, of course, but even then I wouldn't feel excluded if she chose (say) a close friend instead. You could say that you'd rather your mum saved her energies to help out afterwards - if you'd like that, of course!

Baby gets started at a very intimate moment between partners, and should be allowed to arrive in t he world in the same way. Plenty of time to welcome her into the family.

It should be your choice and your mum should understand. When DD2 gave birth to our only grandchild, she wanted me to be there. I told her that if, at any stage of the proceedings, she changed her mind, she should tell me and I would beat a hasty retreat. As it turned out, I was there throughout and seeing my own child give birth to her baby was the best moment of my life.

Having said all that, I was extremely close to my own dear mum but she would have been the last person I would have wanted whilst giving birth! It was just my DH who was there for all four of our babies' births, and I can understand you wanting it to be just the two of you. I'm sure your mum will understand. Good luck!

Oh dear, am I odd? ( answers on a postcard!)

When I delivered my first child, fathers were not invited, and, to be honest, I didn't think it was a "spectator sport", so was happy to cope on my own.Not much changed with child 2, but I was blessed with a very swift delivery, so by the time the Bodach returned to the hosp, the son was delivered.

The idea of my mother ( and, even worse, my father!) attending would have scarred us all for life!

Really I totally agree with people who say it's between you and your partner and a bit cheeky of Mum to expect to be present. Only if you are without a partner would this be appropriate or you were desperate to have her there.

Start as you mean to go on, this is your baby.

Don't worry we will explain it to her once she joins grandest.

the(grand) mother should not forget that it is an intensely private affair and many couples enjoy the experience of being just the two of them and thebaby. DD1 is a midwife and she advises -see no-one until after 5 days. Mother and baby need peace and quiet and NO STRESS until the milk is really flowing. Baby is also better not being handed around.
Its alright if you're all there enjoyng the fun but its the new mum who has to cope with being half dressed or half undressed and having a crying baby to feed as well. New Dads need time learning how to hold the baby. Give them time.

I'm afraid you have to be honest and tell her that you strongly feel you should share the birth with your partner- and that you'd love her to be in the waiting room so she can see you very soon after the birth to welcome her grandchild. Honesty, but gently, is the only way. Bonne chance x

you're

If you don't want her there, that's what's important. It is not your job to worry about how she feels at a moment like this; it's hers to worry about how you feel. Having your first baby is one of the most momentous things you'll ever do. You'll want your mum there as soon as your sorted after the birth and you can invite her to come and see you and baby.

Seriously, it's worth taking charge and doing what you (and your partner) want with your child right from the start.

I told my DS and DD years ago that I'd love to be at the birth of a baby. When my DGS was born I was at the hospital for a couple of hours then went home as both DS and DiL said they wanted it to be just them. I was so pleased as I had completely changed my mind about wanting to be at the actual birth! It's up to you who is there, and I doubt you mum will be upset - just make sure you let know when the baby is born as soon as you can so she can stop worrying and start celebrating

Thanks phoenix - I will, don't you worry! I won't be swayed, it's just more a question of how to break the news as gently as possible

willsmadnan - exactly! The world and his wife seem to want to be involved and I'm just supposed to be alright with that

This could be the first of several things that have to be worked out. My daughter and I are quite straight and blunt with each other as we find this best. Negotiations go better if you are both honest. This will apply to child minding (lovely), discipline etc.
For instance when my second grandchild was born, we were looking after the first. We had precise instructions, after the birth, to take the first grandchild to meet her new brother at the hospital and go away until they phoned and invited us back! We went to their house, nearby and cleaned the kitchen which had been abandoned and then went back for the happy meeting - no problem.