What can I do to get my husband to turn the heating on?

dolly it sounds as if he takes 'publicity' a little more seriously. Are there mutual friends as well as family members you could share the situation with? Perhaps that would discourage such extreme behaviour. Yes do get a serious heater, also consider the suggestions about an electric blanket and maybe one of the personal heat pads for your chair. I also get cold because of a health issue, my husband simply tells me to heat our home for my comfort and dresses accordingly to keep himself cooler. I think this is the more usual approach and am concerned for you.

Perhaps the suggestion to move to a hotel isn't so stupid as i first thought. Move out for a few days and his stomach might change his mind for him.

OR, save energy yourself by not using the cooker, kettle etc. Cold meals for a week might get your point home.

I would have walked out on a man like that years ago and found myself one who actually loved me enough to care about my health and well being.

Any one acting like this would surely be breaking the law by endangering your health and possibly your life and depriving you of the ability to keep yourself warm. I agree you should get an appointment with your GP - this man needs telling and your health carers need alerting. He is not an easy man to live with; he is coercive and controlling.

My DH is funny about the central heating. We have a dreadful old system and to replace it we would have to have it repiped so we do limit it. I have a dyson heater which really helps boost the temperature but DH often says it's too hot in here and turns it off. I feel the cold and wrap myself up all the year round . I think many men from what friends say are obsessed with heating bills whether or not they are short of money. Take a hammer to the barricaded controls.

This is more than controlling behavior it is abuse of a vulnerable person!!!!!
Speak to your diabetic nurse or your GP they will probably contact social services to pay a visit to check on your welfare.

The heating allowance is paid to you, not to him. Don't hand it over if you are not getting heat.

Why does he laugh at the way you feel the cold? Does he normally find other people's discomfort amusing or is it only yours? Has it been a joke between you in past years, when you were younger and were not so affected by it?

Why haven't you done something about this earlier?

Stansgran if you were to renew your heating it would most likely cost a lot less to run - boilers are now are far more efficient. Our boiler was only about eight years old in a house we sold and we needed to put in a new system in the house we bought - we found that one far more efficient and the boiler itself was smaller etc.

carerof123 Coercive controlling behaviour is now against the law - that's why I mentioned it. The very fact that he does not allow dollyjo to have her money - or at least use it for her own comfort - could be seen as controlling under the act.

dollyjo I should let him read our replies but do hope you will mention this to your doctor. One other thing is are you finding money very tight? If so he really should be looking at any benefits that you (both or either) may be entitled to.

I agree men often don't feel the cold so much but this behaviour is beyond belief.
Are you actually short of money or is it just a 'thing'of his?
My DH spends most of his time in his study which faces SW and gets a lot of sun so can be warm even when the rest of the house is cool .We have a standing joke about not putting the heating on til. 3pm I bought him a down gilet and a pair of those slippers lined with sheepskin that go to the knee (he looks like a gnome but they are quite effective )to assist with this ....I am often out or busy round the house/garden but if I am cold I put the heating on .He might say 'are you cold'(well yes ,that's why I've put the heating on) but wouldn't dream of objecting ...
I'm afraid I'd find it deeply hurtful and would have to have it out with him .Are you frightened of him? What would he do it you said you were going to involve your doctor and family members?

I am interested to hear how he has barricaded the heating controls too. Can you give us more details of how he has managed this?

You need to make him understand how this makes you feel never mind putting a coat on I'd go to bed and make him wait on you until the heating was on and you felt comfortable enough to get up .

Why is it too late to leave him? I know loads of people who have separated in later years. He is a nasty person...you do not need him. What he is doing is tantamount to physical abuse as it is affecting you physically. Do as is suggested. Shop, cook and wash only for yourself. Do you have a relative/child you could stay with? I am sure you pay for things in the house as well as him. What gives him the right to do as he is doing? Oh and get a hammer and break the barricade down...please refrain from hitting him with it though.

That's shocking Dollyjo. I'm pretty sure a fan heater is a very expensive way to heat a room, though. They may look little but they use a lot of energy.

dollyjo,I am truly shocked that you are living like this.Surely you have had nurses or health visitors call who must have noticed the situation?
I would urge you to decamp to a bedroom with a heater,TV and kettle in the short term.
In the long term,this seriously needs to be sorted out.You must get family and friends on side,then bring in a support or social worker to help you to get access to heating as you need it.
If all else fails,I would consider leaving him.It's never too late.

Just reread your post OP
I cannot imagine begging a partner of 30 years for anything.I suspect the issue here is much deeper than his refusal to turn the heating on .
Do you have adult children who could make him see sense ?

i have electric blanket on the couch and hot packs if cold and sitting i do,t have heating on dislike it but my daughter always wants it on when visiting

This is abuse and totally unacceptable. Laughing at your being cold!! What a jerk.

When I was ill my DH would build up the log burner and while I was almost sitting on top of it he would be sitting as far away as possible wearing just a T shirt and shorts because he was so hot - but he put my health before his own comfort.

Do show him the replies on here and if he doesn't change tell everyone you meet how he locks away the heating controls and makes you wear a coat indoors and if that fails - LEAVE HIM!

The first thing I'd do with the electric heater would be to knock him out with it. Then strip him naked drag him into the garden, tie him up and put the garden hose on. Then he might understand what cold is.

Surely it would be better living alone, maybe in a studio flat which at least was warm than with this control freak? This is not acceptable behaviour- has he been like this all of his life or is this recent?

When I was married and it was cold, the heating was on downstairs for my benefit but my ex retired upstairs where he could sit with shirt and trousers on and the heating turned off in that room, unlike me who was wrapped up as well as having the heating on. He should give some thought for you as well as your recent serious illnesses. Move out.

Change your name to Lysistrata! Then behave accordingly

The temperature in next door's house never goes higher than 17°C. She's got used to it. They only put the boiler on 1 hour a day for the hot water. Now Peter is dead,, Anne still doesn't put it on.

Your husband is, knowledge aforethought, abusing you. He is controlling and bullying you and you need to do something about it now. It will be hard because if you ignore him laughing at you he will take it to the next level.

You need to inform others of your intentions so he cannot isloate you and bully you futher. Start with outside agencies like your doctor and get an assessment which shows you need to keep warm. If he listens to his brother and family tell them and enlist their support. If they won't help then up the ante and try medical help, social services and, finally, law and police.

If the man is appropriating money meant for you to be warm he is breaching all kinds of social and legal rules. If this behaviour has escalated over thiry years he will be fairly confident he can scare you into submission so you cannot overturn this without outside help.

Have a plan. Execute it stage by stage. Remain calm, insistent, reasonable and do not give way.

I have the heat off in the winter to save money as my husband is out working to earn money for us. However, that is entirely my own choice. My man is a bit of a controller too but I let him know when he is doing it, I argue and negotiate and I have let him know that if he tries to bully me I will leave him. Men like to have their own way but too much appeasement is very bad for them.

I think a portable oil-fired radiator would be more effective and cheaper to run than a fan heater, Ours heats our large sitting room to a toasty warmth very quickly and costs very little to run.