Being Kept in the Dark

unhappyBunny

Obviously I do not know you or your daughter, but what I do know is that I have a daughter and she is in a relationship.

I have a relationship with my daughter which should not be affected by her other relationships and if I found out that she had been taken to hospital without my knowledge as is in your case I would let my feelings be known.

I would be unhappy too if I thought her boyfriend had deliberately chosen not to tell me. I don't believe this is a fair thing to do, and furthermore I think it is an isolating tactic on his behalf.

You need to talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel. 'Family' is Family. It s different to other friendships, this is what makes it special, in the same way that a husband and wife are 'special' within a family.

And - it's not up to your son in law to decide how you will react either.

That#s what I think.

It often takes time for a sil to get to properly know a mil and vice-versa.

I would tell both of them when they are together, that you are perfectly able to handle things.
Your duaghter and yourself can then say examaples of when this has been the case, and that nothing has happened to change that.

I dont think this is a 'control' issue at all ...perhaps your daughters partner wanted and could manage the situations and really didnt want to worry you or involve you until after the events...I think you are reading too much into it...

Sounds as though he is trying to control and isolate your daughter, which I'd be quite worried about.
Speak to your daughter and let her know you would always want to know about and support her during any difficulties she is having.
Can you organize times to spend with your DD without SIL present, maybe lunch or a shopping trip?

Very sorry about your situation , it sounds like a `control` issue to me . Is he very controlling normally ? The only thing you can do is to speak directly to your SIL and tell him that you would prefer to know , can handle it and would like to support them .

Oh dear this is very difficult for you. I think I would go for an open and honest chat about this when everyone is calm and there are no distractions around. Perhaps invite to your house for something not too stressful just tea and cake or something (complex meals can add stress to a situation and leave out alcohol) and just talk about it and how you feel. It sounds as though your relationship with your daughter is a good one - she wont want to hurt you. I do sympathise- something similar is going on with my daughter and I'm working up to talking with her about it although she can be a bit of a firecracker so I'm choosing my moment. Good Luck