What is a 'typical ' boy?

I'm sure, Oldgoose, that Oznan's post about her 18 year old grandson is reassuring. My eldest grandson, now mid twenties, never liked football, wasn't keen on school play times. He loved making up stories and plays, when he was young with pirate ships and castles, later writing them. Because he was quiet and interested in clothes he used to meet the girls in his class in a group to go shopping! They all liked him. He only had friends not "girlfriends". He studied music technology and did some background work on films but now is doing TEFL. Now at last he has a girlfriend!
Contrary to what the media push out, life doesn't revolve round football!

My DGS was a quiet loner, happy to play computer games in his room at all times. A kind thoughtful boy, very polite and sensible. But my son worried a lot about him because he wasn't mixing with his peers. When he hit 15, everything changed. Now my DS is worried because he is never home and hasn't even got time for a decent chat. The only thing important to him is getting back to his newly found friends, who are as nice and sensible as him. A mixture of boys and girls. Poor boys can't win. I try and pacify my DS saying if he is showing independence then the parenting must have been good. That consoles him a little.

How dare anybody judge and comment upon a child who is doing nothing unusual - just being himself. My Grandson is gentle, kind hearted,thoughtful and mature for his years. He is small for his age, and although he plays football he is not a rough and tumble person - he is just himself. Ignore these buffoons - we are all different and if they have nothing better to do than suggest a child is gay just because he isn't fighting everyone, then it says a lot more about them than it does about him.

My friend's husband is very bloky - there's nothing he can't build or mend and he loves showing my DGS how to do things with spanners etc, which is very kind. However, he comes out with comments like, 'Come on, put your back into it, you're not gay!' OMG, I want to kill him - for a start my DGS is 3! And secondly, why the hell is he using the word gay as if it's an insult? I despise the man!! My DD is annoyed too but reckons that DGS will come across idiots like this and she will use him as an example of how uneducated, stupid, bigoted idiotic some people are.

Well said Rosina and all.

I wish my Ex Son in law would realise this.

My DGS (13) is a thoughtful sensitive but amusing, friendly young man. He'd rather be making models than playing sports. That is not to say he is inactive. His father insists on him going to Rugby training, swimming and even goes as far as booking him a personal trainer twice a week. DGS does these things to please his father but I hope he will soon be old enough to tell his Father it's not who he is and he doesn't want to do it.

You could be describing my son, now days away from 21.

He loved his teddies, numerous garden picnics, build a bear his destination of choice although he also loved playing with his toy cars too - just not noisily.

It really annoyed me hearing people say, with a particular tone, etc
'Oh boys... they'll eat anything, eat you out of house and home, always love sports, lively, etc etc

In his early years he played a lot with the girls - they could be bossy but also protective and were not rough. At secondary boys, there were so many that it was easy to avoid gym/sports - lots of others vying to be on teams, not him.

During secondary he did start to make different friends, not particularly 'cool' but away from the early more 'nerdy' ones.

He has always been a home bird. He's just been away for 3 weeks, first time away, and quite a life experience. He has loved meeting lots of people and is quite sociable but not into clubs. He likes the odd party but really enjoys smaller groups out with lots of chat rather than action.

Didn't mean to go on so much but I could feel so much for you!

These days I don't know how anyone can be put in a category, especially at 10, ridiculous.
At 10 my grandson,although he loved sport, was very quiet, polite and would do anything for you, but since he has been in High School he is a different person. Is in a debating group, has been on television and really came out of his shell. (He's still polite and helpful and has been made head boy. Very proud of what he has achieved).
I see lots of children playing on different technical devices not speaking a word to their parents, or anyone else unless it happens to be a friend.
As long as he speaks occasionally I don't think he's any 'different' to other children. My grandchildren don't see me very often but when they do they spend about 15mins with me then they are straight up into their bedrooms to do their own thing.
10 is far too young to make any assumptions. He will change considerably when going through puberty. As many parents will testify.

There's nothing to worry about, more to be grateful for with this young man. It seems to me he's someone rather special This could have been me as teenager.

What horrible friends and close family you must have, leave him alone he is just a normal child who is introverted not all children are extroverts.i wish him nothing but peace and nice family

read quite child by susan caines

You are all reacting as though calling him 'gay' is a bad thing. But then say if he was it's OK. Being gay should not be seen as a derogatory thing. This is how prejudices build up.

No, we are not all reacting like that, but the people mentioned in the OP are by the sounds of it.

Gender stereotyping is as bad now as it ever was, and it's stifling children. Your grandson sounds lovely, what he likes and dislikes as a young child will have nothing to with his sexuality. For what it's worth most of the gay people I know are just people, the men are not effeminate and the women are not butch. We must stop policing the gender borders and criticizing children when they step out of line.

Look at the term tomboy, there is no such thing as a tomboy, just girls who like to play football and climb trees, but a girl who does these things is told she has boy characteristics and is not quite a normal girl. It's harmful.

Spot on hicaz, but the pecking order is white, hetersexual male, everything else is seen as somewhat inferior.

Even at my daughter's school they use the term gay in a derogatory way, or girl, running like a girl, crying like a girl etc. Course, it's just banter but then isn't it always.

She points it out and is told she doesn't have a sense of humour, you can't win.

How sad that people feel the need to label yr grandson. He will be what he will be. We r all different to some degree. My son..now 40 never liked sports that much. He was quiet respectful never got into fights or trouble. Never even really play fights. He was also into computers but went on to get a good job in IT. He's not gay BUT if he was it would have made no difference to us. He actually sounds a lovely boy and in this day n age someone to be proud I'd as I'm sure you are. Try not to worry. x

The issue lies with adult expectations that children should behave 'typically' in the first place. Children should be free to do whatever keeps them happy, healthy and busy as long as no house(or school)rules are broken. The role of parents and other adults is to make each child feel safe, accepted and loved. Judging children or putting labels on them is what in and of itself sows problems because if a child is going to be gay, no amount of intervention is going to change that. Gay or straight, we raise the best kids when we love them unconditionally.

LumpySP schools are supposed to actively discourage homophobic name calling - or any other kind (i.e. sexist). Maybe you could tackle your school over it?
I agree gender stereotyping worse now in some ways. Clothes are much more gendered than they were in the 70s - every bloody T shirt is covered in hearts/princesses/sparkle/tanks/bulldozers/etc and long hair has become compulsory it seems.

Totally agree

Its too easy to make sweeping judgements. We will love our grandchildren whatever. The only sad thing for me re a gay son or grandson is that there will be no child of the future. But that is to do with me not THEM

There may be JaxKerr. Gay or lesbian people do sometimes find ways to have children, Elton John and David Furnish used surrogates, lesbian women often ask a male friend to be a sperm doner. Adoption is another possibility. But, I do take your point so not meaning to post in a picky way. The other issue is that growing up is a challenge for all of us, add being lesbian/gay/etc to that and it seems to me life will throw more challenges their way.

Do you mean long hair for boys and girls or just girls JessM?

When I was young most girls had long hair, in pigtails, then pony tails. DGD have long hair (in plaits for school or pony tails when the weather is hot and sometimes loose).

Girls, jemima, girls.
I'm casting my mind back to hairstyles of distant decades. In the 50s some had long hair and some didn't. In my secondary school photo, 1960s most had shorter styles.

Jess they are really hot on it and pull it every time. but this is the way kids talk. Particularly when they hear their parents use it as a slur. Gender roles are more enforced than ever, anyone would almost think there was a reason for it.

yes, probably mid-length.

Although I think fashions come and go, so perhaps it is just that long hair is more fashionable again now, not princessy! (DGD1 has very long hair and is not a bit princessy, would be aghast if anyone bought her a 'princess' t shirt).