Grandad's upset us again

Can't honk why it would be down to jealousy. Daft idea that. Yes, probably an age thing. And why not? We've all got to exist.

think. Not honk. I do not honk.

The more I see of this thread , the more I think we are both grumpy.
Noise, tantrums, miseries, ipads they all drive us mad. When we look after our GC, our responsibility, our rules, will say things once, no second warnings etc. But they accept the rules and we have fun.

The other problem I have with this thread is it's title, I immediately think of Mrs. Browns Grandad. Sorry if that thought is off subject.

Jings - potentially jealous as his DW is paying too much attention to her GCs. He's used to her undivided attention and expects her to agree with him.

When I went out to meet DIL, her mum and the DGD one day, little DGD asked 'where is Grandad?', then gave a big sigh and said 'I suppose he's in the garage as usual'
(where he has a workshop)

Although he does interact with them quite a lot I must add, just that he has his limits

They are a family unit, and as such have to do things their own way, and if the boy is a happy, all-rounded individual, just enjoy him. Many grandparents have to learn to 'blend in' and not try to overrule parents - it never works well.
The old adage comes into being here - if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Just be there for them if they need backup for anything, but don't expect derisory comments to be taken without a forthright reply - and rightly so.
We have three grandchildren aged between 7-16, to one daughter, so not our direct responsibility so just look on from the sidelines, and help if asked, otherwise we butt out and let them live their lives their way. Difficult situation sometimes but they are their children, not ours.

I'm probably being thick, but reading the OP I still don't quite understand the relationships involved here

Please accept my apologies, I don't mean to offend.

The OP's husband is not her GC's natural grandfather he's their step-grandfather.

Your son in law is just protecting his son, which is a good thing.

Why does your husband hold the purse strings? Do you have access to money and can you spend your money freely?

How does your husband treat you, is he kind?

Noises from i-pads and other electronic devices can be infuriating. I tell ask my GSs to turn off the sound and they do.

I agree about the iPad noise and we have to ask GS a couple of times to turn it right off as he gets so engrossed but DH blows up. DH is a professional, works part time now but has a very good private pension as well as state. I have a state pension and he gives me a small allowance. He pays all the bills and I buy my own clothes, birthday/Xmas presents for family. If we need anything for the house I have to ask. Demeaning I know but we've had so many rows in the past I now let it go and am grateful for what I have.

Can you take GC for a meal on your own? Does grandad have to go everywhere with you? It sounds as if he really isn't keen to see your GS and everyone will be happier if he doesn't.
Do other GPs always get treated as a pair? I hope you (singular) get an opportunity to see your GC before your holiday. As they get older they may choose not to spend time with the two of you very often.

OP sorry but your life doesn't sound that comfy to me.

Don't ignore this as the longer he is allowed to get away with this behaviour the more he will convince himself he is in the right I find it strange he doesn't treat GD like this don't let him spoil future family get togethers could he be jealous of the boy maybe he had a harsh disciplined childhood himself

Lindill49 does your husband realise that if you were to divorce him you would be entitled to half of all assets including his pensions?

If you has posted the above information re money on Mumsnet you would have been told it's financial abuse & to leave him, mind you that seems to be their answer for everything.

If I was you I would talk to H and suggest that he made plans when DGS cam over , perhaps staying for a short period to say hello & then off to wherever

This story sounds so familiar - have you told us this before?

It seems there are many women who will put up with a controlling bully as the price for a 'comfortable' life.

Lindill49 . would you say, taking the grandson out of the situation, that you are in a happy marriage ? I think if the answer to that is YES then work around it see your grandson when husband is a work take him to the park or cafe when husband is home but doing something else, juggle it so they don't come into too much contact and explain to your husband that you realise he doesn't really bond with the grandson so you ll keep him out of his way as much as possible HOWEVER if the answer is NO I think you really need to address that first and foremost as the more times you post I get the feeling it's more about your relationship which sounds very controlling

I am wondering what just being a boy entails
(Being the grandmother of an 8 year old boy myself)

Same kind of situation for me. Husband had 2 daughters from a previous marriage, both of whom it seems had difficulties with his domineering, bossy manner as children (not talking about good manners here in bringing up children) They moved away from him years ago, and one hasn't spoken to him in 40 years. My son from a first marriage has a boy, whom my husband is alway at in some way or another, and has often made him cry. He dotes on the daughter though. This is not the proper behaviour to encourage, hurts children. Many men and specially elderly ones resent the time and love given to grandchildren (whether they are really grandchildren or step grandchildren - if that's the term) Jealous. I believe they should be told clearly this is unacceptable - by whoever!

Oh, I know very well what it entails j.

(Surprised my sofa survived for one thing! )

Yes I've posted before re his behaviour towards the GC. But of course I realise my problems are transitory and minute compared with others. Sometimes I feel I can't cope and just need a sounding board occasionally so that I can work out the best strategy with all your advice and reassurances. It's good to know I'm probably right in feeling hard done by.

Lindall. ...the more you've opened up, the more revealing it would seem that your DH is giving your GS a hard time and is probably jealous of time given. Children can play up at times as we all know, but having gone through this kind of bullying when I was a child, I always err on the side of caution. Sadly I would take more note of GS and less of DH. I have seen this also happen within my own experience and perhaps tackling the subject of why he chooses to constantly have a go or bully him has to be discussed. I know there are lots of lovely caring grandads out there, but sadly due to my own experiences, it's put me off for life!