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Grandad's upset us again

(95 Posts)
Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:14:25

Son in law has decreed that we can't have the children again as grandad took him aside last time and told him he should have more control over 8 year old grandson. Daughter just told me and I'm livid. They're his step GC (he doesn't have kids) GS is s delightful intelligent little boy who is sometimes "just being a boy" . I'm distraught and feel I must ask husband to apologise but don't know how to phrase it. Any suggestions? We only have them occasionally but I see them on my own or with daughter. I Wanted to go for a meal with the children this weekend before we go on holiday. Daughter & SIL can't come as they have commitments. How do I tell him he's upset everyone - again!!

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 03-Sep-16 12:16:46

Don't tell him. Son in law needs to grow up and stop being so precious about his kid. hmm

Leave grandad alone. He probably had a point.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 03-Sep-16 12:18:07

Did the eight year old boy get hurt in all this? If not, grandad should be tolerated. If not listened to.

PRINTMISS Sat 03-Sep-16 12:20:25

I agree with jings don't fight your son-in laws corner.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 03-Sep-16 12:21:05

You know, it's surprising how well grandparents can get along without seeing their grandkids. Haven't seen mine for about six weeks. They have been busy doing their own (holiday) things, and I have been doing mine. Love 'em loads, but don't exactly yearn to have them around.

Jane10 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:21:17

Don't agree jings! This man has the potential to spoil future family outings and events. I think things should be in the open. Tell your husband what has happened as a result of his 'intervention'. Good luck.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 03-Sep-16 12:22:48

It's the son in law who's doing the spoiling things.

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:24:05

Sorry but I think he had no right to say anything. GS is not naughty - just a rough & tumble boy of 8 who sometimes forgets to wash his hands, etc. His parents are really much stricter than I sometimes think is necessary. The other day GS was crying and said "you know gramps doesn't like me? I had to reassure him we all love him.

Jane10 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:27:02

What a shame. Poor wee boy! I'd not be able to retrain myself if my DH did anything like that -not that he ever would.

Ana Sat 03-Sep-16 12:29:44

I don't think the SIL should be laying down the law like that.

What does your daughter think about the ban on you having the children, Llindill49?

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 03-Sep-16 12:33:36

Maybe children need to learn how to interact with the different generations? At eight he would probably understand that older people feel things differently.

When is his birthday? Buy a specially nice present and make it "from Grandad"?

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 03-Sep-16 12:36:35

My DH sometimes gives my GSs an old fashioned type of telling off. Tbh, it's often warranted. I just tell him to leave off though.

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:37:21

She wants to keep the peace at home and feels caught in the middle. SIL is a bit stroppy generally but works all hours. My mum used to criticise my girls who have grown up beautifully and I hated her for it.

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:39:52

Husband is always on at the lad when he's here. I have asked him to lay off but he can't seem to help himself.

Jane10 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:42:15

Is he jealous of the boy?

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:42:19

Getting a bit worried about husband generally - he seems to be losing social graces. Took his phone out whilst our (male) friend was in the middle of a story last week.

annodomini Sat 03-Sep-16 12:42:53

If you see them on your own, I see no reason why your SiL should object, since it's your DH who is stirring things. As he's a step grandpa and has no GC of his own, it's not surprising that he's intolerant, but hard for you to be 'piggy in the middle'.

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:43:24

I think it is jealousy - he doesn't like me spending time with the family at all. I have to plead or override him.

Jane10 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:45:52

Gosh that's tough for you. What happens if you give him a good talking to? Don't skate about the issue -get to the point. Are you afraid of his reaction?

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:46:13

I do still want the GC to stay over sometimes and want to include them in our outings. (Few & far between I might add) I shall just have to ask daughter to smooth things over if she can.

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:47:02

Yes - a row always ensues!

Jane10 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:47:58

So what's going to happen in the end if you always defer to him?

obieone Sat 03-Sep-16 12:48:38

Does your husband enjoy being around the your GS?

obieone Sat 03-Sep-16 12:50:23

From your op it doesnt sound as if he himself is around your GS much.

Lindill49 Sat 03-Sep-16 12:53:10

He's generally ok when we're with them although I do have to intervene to stop him shouting at & bullying GS. He's fine with GD (11).