Grandad's upset us again

This isn't a one off incident PRINTMISS. The OP needs a strategy to manage the situation otherwise it'll deteriorate and she could end up having to make a very difficult choice! -Worst case scenario which I sincerely hope it won't come down to.

Goodness me, just let it blow over, it will in due course, and with any luck the sun will still rise in the morning.

Perhaps it's all too much for him, especially as he never had children of his own.

My friend's husband is step-father and step-grandad to her large brood, he loves them but disappears into his shed or greenhouse a lot of the time when they visit! And she goes off on her own to stay with them too.

I think I would arrange to see them on your own or with your DD and leave him to stew.
Don't be distraught - just make other arrangements; you can't force them to get on together.

I have a comfortable life and I'm resigned but he's not getting away with stuff like he used to. I bite my tongue a lot but he holds the purse strings.

You don't sound as though you like your DH much, Lindill49...

There being a "consensus of views" on Gransnet, doesn't automatically make it right.

I suspect there is some talking to be done to and by more than one person. Doubt if it's all grandad's fault.

We have lots of threads on here where there is a concensus of views that it is not the grandparent's place to interfere - so DH should mind his own business. I suspect you are the one who should tell him - quite plainly.

If your DH is grumpy with an eight year old I dread to think what he'll be like when the lad's a teenager.

Boys can be a handful. I know- I have five! You husband has never had kids so perhaps has different ideas of good and acceptable behaviour. I would talk to your DH and ask him not to discipline your GS but leave it to you if he ever needs it. Perhaps plan only short times with the two together so there's less opportunity for your DH to get rattled.. My parents couldn't cope with our boys en masse! I took one at a time!

We have had similar posts on here before, and I think the consensus is that family come before other relationships. I think your H is out of order in the way he treats this little boy. It is bullying and especially as he is not the boy's real grandfather, he has no right to treat the poor child this way. No child should be subjected to this kind of criticism. Our 2 DGSs are 6 and 9. They are lively and noisy....what children of that age should be. We look after them a lot and do exert some discipline but never put them down.

Frankly, I would make it clear to H that he is out of order even if it involves a row.

I don't feel that it's mine and DH's place to tell our granddaughter off. She is a teenager now but in the past unless she was doing something dangerous or being cheeky, we wouldn't dream of it.

Aww! Bless.

He tries but I stand up to him these days. Yes - dear lad remains cheerful. Nana spoils him & cuddles him to make up for things. He still gives gramps a hug to say thank you for having me - bless him.

Does the boy still want to visit you?

Oh yes. Seen the shouting and bullying bit.

Does a lot of shouting and bullying go on normally?

Is the grandson present when the "row ensues"?

We know a family where the grandad really doesn't like one of his grandsons. He's not too keen on the other brother either. Don't think the boys notice it though.

Dis I mis the "shouting and bullying" bit?

For a man of his age to bully an 8-year-old is despicable. If you always have to give in to him it sounds as if he is bullying you too.

You have to stop your husband who is a grown to man, bullying and shouting at your grandson.

Your SIL was in the right. Your daughter shouldnt have to smoth anything over, you need to tell him that HE needs to sort it out. That little boy should come first. He has cried that Grandad doesnt like him, thats heartbreaking. That poor lad.

Well you'll just have to intervene every time you see him behaving like this. Tell your SiL that you will. The person whose behaviour is out of order is your DH!

He's generally ok when we're with them although I do have to intervene to stop him shouting at & bullying GS. He's fine with GD (11).

From your op it doesnt sound as if he himself is around your GS much.

Does your husband enjoy being around the your GS?

So what's going to happen in the end if you always defer to him?

Yes - a row always ensues!