Trying to understand mil and dil relationship

When DGD broke up with boyf and he and his friends put nasty posts on FB his mother joined in!! They were 16 year olds.

dilinneed, impressed how you manage what must be difficult at times ?

Bit of an update

Had my daughters party last week and invited all his family over. She was fairly nice, I tried to remember a few bits to let her know we had thought of her like her favourite wine etc. It was his nans bday too so I got another cake for her and we all sang to her. She seemed to appreciate my effort. It was the first time I felt like she was welcoming towards me! She asked how work was etc, she never really cared!

So I class this as a small victory.

In all these posts there are lessons to be learnt for any of us who have sons. My son married a wonderful, lovely girl and both he and she are very happy. She is very different from me in lots of ways, in how she plans to raise her children, how she runs her house etc. But that is her absolute right. Whatever I privately think, I have no right to stick my two pennorth in - just as when I got married I would have hated interference from my MIL. Although part of me wistfully remembers my son as my baby, my little boy, mine, all mine, I realise I can't lay claim to him in this way now he is grown and has his own life. In fact when my son got married I gave him this advice : if you want a happy marriage respect what your wife has to say and always put her first. Mother in laws who expect to remain number one in their sons life are selfish beyond belief, having no regard for their daughter in law or their precious sons. I try my best to give my son and his wife space, and always keep my private feelings to myself. In return my son and his lovely wife have a very happy and relaxed relationship with me. And this is a lesson in life that daughter in laws who have sons will also have to learn in time.

Have you ever heard the saying "what goes around comes a round"?
So sorry,but I can't help believing it must apply to some people on here.
And to the nasty DILs take note,you may well be on the receiving end one day.

Can't leave late nasty thought hanging. I prefer Michelle Obama's maxim, when they go low, we go higher.
To OP, best not to think of "a small victory" as it perpetuates the language of combat. Think of it as progress, for all of you. Well done!

Late = last
Once again wishing GN allowed editing :/

It really is simply a case of if the cap fits.
I'm sure the majority of us are basically good people.
But the saying is fair.
Let's put it this way,I sure hope it is.

it was my Father in law I had a problem with ,he would walk out of the room when I entered it...and that was before we got married .He was just a diffiicult man to be around.I was delighted though that after we'd been married 3o years he told me his son couldn't have had a better wife...took a while but we got there ,he died that same year .Just give your MIL time ,and be kind ,she obviously feels she's lost her boy ,once shhe sees you're good for him she'll come round

My MIL was an extraordinary woman - a first class honours degree in French from the Sorbonne - quite an achievement in those days - I would guess she was born around 1915. But she married a little Lancashire tyrant who kept her under the thumb and she took to the bottle at one point. She was always pleasant to me - we did not see her that much - but definitely not someone to leave your children with - her mind was on Latin or poetry and not on the children's safety! She really had no interest in the GC at all - no Christmas or birthday presents; except once when we happened to see them the day after my DD's 9th birthday and she said "Oh I got you a card - here you are - I did not write in it - I thought you would like to do that yourself"!!!! - it was in all its wrapping with the receipt still in the bag! Conversations with them were easier if you knew Latin, French, German and had some interest in poetry! Luckily I did languages at A-level and was able to hold my own round the dinner table!

My children are all daughters and we get on really well, and also with their partners. I hope I am not the MIL from hell - I seem to have a laugh with all the SILs anyway, and there is a tradition that I send one of them the rudest birthday cards that I can find!.

Might it be something to do with sons not making contact so much with their parents (which may be a generalisation) and the DIL is the easiest person to blame rather than your own son?

I wish you luck with this problem - but above all else do not let this come between you and your husband or undermine your confidence.

Our son was the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My MiL said, Don't ask me to babysit - I've done all that. So we respected her views, as you would, and if we had a night out we paid a babysitter. But later when DH's sister had her first baby my MiL looked after him full time so her daughter could go back to work.
She very rarely visited us despite being invited many times. DH would take our children to see her but I was never made to feel welcome. Never did find out why she never liked me. I've been married to her son for 50 years.