Unmanagable behaviour in 3 yrs old grandson

My grand daughter used to have terrible "meltdowns", often for the most trivial of reasons, or even no discernible reason at all. She would become uncontrollably angry and distraught and nothing whatever would calm her down.

I read a book called Love Bombing which I found quite useful. Although some of the writer's suggestions seemed a bit extreme to me, I took from it the need for demonstrations of closeness and love, both through actions and words.

My grand daughter (touch wood) doesn't seem to get these bouts of prolonged crying very often now but when she does become angry/distressed I give her a great big hug rather than try to reason with her. In fact, every time I see her - and her brother - they remind me that we must have our "great big hug".

My daughter tells me that I was very undemonstrative and not at all tactile when she was little - and, on reflection, I can see that what she says is true. She has had her problems over the years and I can now see that the lack of hugs, combined with an over-critical parenting style, has been a contributing factor.

I'm not saying the problem with your grandson is a parenting issue - I'm just relating my own experience. Even if you had given more information, I don't know your family or how they respond to each other. It may well be, as absent says, that this is just an extreme case of the terrible twos/threes and the tantrums will eventually disappear. Perhaps very young children who cannot express themselves well verbally can feel suddenly overwhelmed by their feelings. Anyway, I don't think more big hugs and affectionate words will do any harm.

Small comfort while this is going on but absentdaughter, who has six children (only one of whom is younger than three), reckons that they were all awful at three years old, far worse than the fabled terrible twos. The older five all grew out of the behaviour exhibited then although, naturally, they still have their moments.

I suspect that three-year-olds like to try out boundaries and test how much power they have, especially if there is at least one older child. I think that keeping calm and keeping consistent are the keys to dealing with it.

What does he actually do?

Definitely need more info and more instances One person unreasonable behaviour is anothers normal Three is very young to be labelling him as unmanageable, is he just not conforming to your idea of a 'good' child especially if his older sibling is quiet and conforming I too don't understand why his older brother is getting into trouble ?

Is his behaviour mainly naughtiness and disobedience or does it spill over into aggression?

With our 6 and 3 year old GS's playing nicely means , no blood.

Yes. What form does this 'unmanageable ' behaviour take?

Trying desperately to imagine what a 3 year old can do that is 'so extreme that no-one knows what to do with him' More details please.

Is he due for an assessment with the health visiting team?

Why does the older brother get into bother? Please give us some more detail. How long has it been going on for and is he reaching milestones at approximately the normal time? What is his speech like?

Does your daughter see it as a problem or is it your perception? The GP would be the first port of call but your daughter has to make that decision.

Florence does your grandson go to playgroup? What is his behaviour like there? What sort of things is he doing? Sorry for all the questions but there might be an underlying cause.

I know it is hard but I would advise leaving your daughter to handle it and trying to support her as best you can.