Unhappy starting school

My mum reminded me of my reaction on my first day at school.
Apparently I said when she met me out and asked what it was like for me.'Well it was alright but I don't think I will go anymore.'
I can honestly say that school days were not the best days of my life.I can well understand how you must be feeling with your child's comments.Strange but my eldest child hated school my youngest loved it.I hope you get through this as it can be an upsetting time for you as well as your child.

My DGC started with 2 hours in the morning-then 3 days off (they only took a few at a time). Then they stayed until lunchtime for 3 days then stayed for lunch & then started full time- took about 2 weeks in all. It worked although TBH they were all dying to get to school & had been to play school 3 mornings a week next door so knew all the other children they went with.
Each child is different & needs the attention required. Talk to TA.

My daughter used to bang on the window and scream "don't leave me" and I used to go home and cry for ages. But it will pass, and if there is one thing bothering the child (such as worrying about things like asking for the toilet or not knowing anyone)then have a little chat with the teacher and sort it out - or the head of school if necessary. I discovered that my daughter was worried about having to drink milk (which was free at the time) and after a few tries, it was agreed she drink water instead.

OP So sad for the little girl. I taught reception classes of over 30 in state schools, helped by the only TA for the first week. We would have looked out in the first weeks for a reception child alone in the playground, as would the lunchtime supervisors.

Since your DGD only became upset when she had to stay all day I think the problem lies in the lunchtime routines and arrangements. My guess is that she either misses the teacher and/or TA being present or that she isn't used to the food or eating in a big group. She found herself in a big area with more children than her class and could well have felt bewildered and and lonely.

My DGS is in Y1 but has changed schools this term. He came out on his first day happy and with a sticker saying, no, not 'Well Done' or 'I Was Helpful Today' but 'Very Fussy Eater' !! Which he indeed is. After initial shock horror I thought again and realised that this would spare him dinner supervisors cajoling or even demanding that he had foods put on his plate and tried to eat them. In turn this would avoid a potential tantrum! Years ago fussy children might be forced to sit with their unfinished lunch in front of them until the bell and some dinner staff would loom threateningly over them. My friend had a fussy child in her class who was encouraged/bullied to clear his plate which he did. Then he vomited as she called the afternoon register ...

Halga they don't start the National Curriculum until Year 1.
Reception should be a link between nursery and formal school - play based not so formal.

My DD is an early September child so was always one of the eldest which presents it's own problems. When she was at childminder at first I had to leave her at the door, make no fuss & just say goodbye (hard as that can be) once settled she would run in with me trailing behind. She attended Nursery Afternoons before starting school, at age 9 we moved 250 miles from our previous home & DGPs into a new family - glad she was an easy child, very adaptable.

My DGS started 2nd year at school in September & at end of Summer Term children were told they would be in different classes come Sept., some cried because they wouldn't be with friends (not DGS though he's still with some of his football friends) Children are all different but they also pick up our insecurities/anxieties. I agree speaking to Teaching Assistant is a good idea.

Faye - it may sound ridiculous but that is the Local Authority rule! I would say harsh and unbending.

I have a DGC in Australia and the rules changed as he was just starting, before he would have started in the January after he was five, now they start in the January if they are five before the following July ?
However that does mean that no child starts at 4 years 1 day as in the UK.

Joining a school with three full reception classes could be intimidating for a very young, shy child.

Oh dear oh dear .....Why is it that this country continues to insist that children start school at such a young age when so many education professionals strongly advise that formal schooling should not begin until a child is 6, which is the case pretty much everywhere else in the world. See the Cambridge Review / Dr Richard House / Sue Palmer etc etc...So much evidence shows that until this stage of development children should be building on their social and physical skills and that to introduce intellectual concepts before they are ready can be detrimental, particularly to 'bright' children.
You may also be aware that Baseline Testing has now been introduced during the first few weeks in Reception, which must be putting extra work and stress onto staff.
There has been a token effort to address the difficulties for summer-born children that they can now request to defer school start until they reach 5, but indeed they then miss out on the peer group bonding in Reception year. Also, nursery schools are usually not well-equipped to provide for these older children.
Most worrying is that DGD was left on her own in the playground right at the beginning of her school experience. This might of course have just been an isolated few minutes, but staff should have been much more observant and pro-active.
Would suggest finding out who is DGD's named adult - teacher or assistant - and asking (unemotionally) what their plans and protocols are here?
Have every sympathy here, for all concerned.

Oh dear oh dear .....Why is it that this country continues to insist that children start school at such a young age when so many education professionals strongly advise that formal schooling should not begin until a child is 6, which is the case pretty much everywhere else in the world. See the Cambridge Review / Dr Richard House / Sue Palmer etc etc...So much evidence shows that until this stage of development children should be building on their social and physical skills and that to introduce intellectual concepts before they are ready can be detrimental, particularly to 'bright' children.
You may also be aware that Baseline Testing has now been introduced during the first few weeks in Reception, which must be putting extra work and stress onto staff.
There has been a token effort to address the difficulties for summer-born children that they can now request to defer school start until they reach 5, but indeed they then miss out on the peer group bonding in Reception year. Also, nursery schools are usually not well-equipped to provide for these older children.
Most worrying is that DGD was left on her own in the playground right at the beginning of her school experience. This might of course have just been an isolated few minutes, but staff should have been much more observant and pro-active.
Would suggest finding out who is DGD's named adult - teacher or assistant - and asking (unemotionally) what their plans and protocols are here?
Have every sympathy here, for all concerned.

My DS would cry so much he would make himself sick with anxiety about school. Even as he got older he hated school and although he didn't cry anymore, the anxiety continued. He loved his friends but just hated the classroom. We saw various professionals but in the end we all just breathed a sigh of relief when school was over for him.
On the other hand my DGD has just started part-time and she wants to go full-time like the other children but the school want her to wait even though she is one of the oldest. My DD was a little upset that DGD couldn't stay but has decided to listen to the teacher because they are often in a better position to see what is actually happening in the classroom. Perhaps your DD could speak to the teacher who will be quite used to this and take her advice. She might look stern but probably has a heart of gold.

Thank you all for the sympathetic comments . DGD is in fact nearly five but finds all new environments and experiences so very difficult . SiL says he was just the same . I too believe we start our children far too young into official full time education . As DD said last night -" we had so much fun making a den in the forest yesterday she would have loved it " There is pressure on children today to reach targets and all the fun has gone . In some European countries full time education starts at seven and by eleven they are already ahead of UK children in reading and maths.

Your grandchild will soon settle. I taught that age for many years and never met a child who spent the whole day unhappy. Just all relax and all will be well. Nothing actually 'to do' just be normal, don't ask child about it at end of day just be upbeat and act like this is just what happens when you are 4/5. Soon she will love it and the teacher will be her 'new favourite person' .....hopefully.

At my kids' primary schoo, the three reception classes were organised according to age, winter-born, Spring, summer. The eldest were part time til Xmas, Spring til about Feb, youngest went full time only in the summer. It was tricky if you had to organise child care but worked a treat for the children. They remixed the three classes for year one as they had discovered by leaving them in age categories, the youngest class were known as the babies even in year six.

My youngest daudhter cried every day until in desperation I took her to the GP he said its because you are very close and she finds separation hard. This made it easier as explained to daughter that we knew she found it difficult but we talked about what we would do after school and I was calm and she never loved school but got on with it!

We Home Educate here now. My DD is now 11 but is a summer baby and was only just 4 when she went into reception.
She spent the first couple of terms either off sick or falling asleep as she was far too young to cope with being in full time school.
She hated every second of school and after three years of struggling every day to get her there, I decided to give up work and Home Educate instead.
She now thrives, is outgoing, inquisitive and sociable.
School just doesn't suit all children at four, a lot of children just arnt ready for it.

My DD home educates too Bluecat, she just hates the system we have and feels children will absorb all sorts of information by exposure to experiences, books and other resources. I used to be anxious about this but not any more, I really think we have lost the plot and the pressure we are putting on children is unacceptable and risks turning many children away from learning completely.
Her oldest is now 9 and has decided to write a book, if he was in school it seems to me all that would be considered is the grammar, spelling etc which could easily stifle creativity - which can't be taught. I think she's very brave to hold out against conforming to the system, but even more radical she and SiL have taken my 2 DGS to live in rural Spain where they are living 'off grid' learning to farm almonds and olives and practice permaculture.
My DS' children are just entering the system, DGS in Y1 and DGD in school nursery - it seems to be going OK for them at the moment, evidently the have Lego Star Wars in Y1 so life is good!
I'd just like to see less pressure on our children and more nurturing of their talents, whatever they are, not a production line. I feel desperately sorry for teachers too and know many who have left the profession or taken early retirement as they just can't take the relentless pressure put on them and the children.
Sorry none of this help you SusieB50, do hope she settles, it's heartbreaking to have them upset

Children in many European countries only start school at 6 or even 7, but all attend kindergarten for a couple of years beforehand. Nursery costs are very reasonable too because of heavy government subsidy.
It is difficult seeing such small children so upset and those born in summer can find it harder to settle initially.

My 4 year old GD has just started school too. All was fine until Friday. This was the day the nursery staff were to collect her and take her to the after school club. She attended this nursery and knows all the staff. She cried before my daughter left and my daughter said her daddy would collect her and take her home instead. On Monday she went to the nursery and seemed ok, but she did say she didn't want to go. Next week she is in school until 2pm each day. It's a lot to cope with. She's very tall and one boy said "you're not four, you're about nine", he also called her "fire pants". We don't know what he meant but he's just a little kid. Hopefully it will all settle down for these little children who have been thrown into an unknown world.

My children all hated school, right up until they moment they left at 16. All have good jobs and decent lives. School is just not for everybody.

It my resolve itself as the child makes friends or finds an interest in the school day, if it doesn't don't forget to sympathise, just because a lot of other people sail through that experience, doesn't mean your child will.

I educated my last one at home, rather than face jail for his non attendance. School can be scary and as they go through the system it can get very much worse, allow the child to talk to you freely about what they feel..........

You're right katek, 14/15 is another very difficult age for the summer birthdays in the year. The older pupils in the school year reach puberty 9 or 12 months sooner and that causes enormous anxities to the younger ones who want to feel part of the scene.

My GD is the oldest child in her school and so will the youngest when she reaches the final primary year. In the case of both GC they were ready for school before they were five and if their birthdays had been a week earlier they would have been. I agree not all under fives are ready, GD's friend is almost a full year younger and struggles even in her final year.

Granddaughter turned 4 in August and started school in September. I thought perhaps she was too young for a full day at school and indeed, she is tired when I pick her up. We are lucky that the nursery class and the reception class are placed next each other and share the same play facilities. Reception children can even visit their old nursery class at certain times. The transition from nursery to school is blurred and the only difference is they stay for a full school day and have a hot lunch instead of staying for half a day. Granddaughter can't wait to get to school now and enjoys every minute and loves the lunches

We only had children in school for the morning for the first half term when they were in the reception class by the time they started a full day they were usually very excited about staying all day..

There is a great deal off difference in being very stern with young children and being firm. You do need to set the ground rules early on and not deviate for some time - but mostly young children are very happy to oblige and when interested will listen intently. There are also of course little ploys to gain attention - one being to speak very quietly when they all start to wonder what they are missing. Now and again I would have some form of treat which only the children who were really listening to me heard and would come and get - that works wonders next time.
Susie I hope the little one gets to find school far more exciting than staying at home with the babies!

I agree with your comments 100 per cent Katek. I don't think many children are ready for school at 4. It's still very young. Many children who have been at nursery adapt very well like my two grand children but on the whole I think 4 is too young. It's a long day at school for them.

I may live in the past when the majority of mums didn't go out to work until their youngest was about 7, but I think the system of Playgroup at 3 and school at 5 was a very good and mostly stress free experience for children and parents.

Youngest dgs, who is February born, won't start first year of nursery until August after his birthday so will be 3 1/2 then 4 1/2 in year 2 and 5 1/2 starting school. He is only 18 months at the moment but DS/Dil have already made the decision to defer him. They are both secondary teachers and say that even at 14/15 you can still recognise the early starters. It seems to have a knock on effect throughout their school lives.