Mental trauma from being hit as a child.

Too much navel gazing these days. These things happen. We get on with life as best we can and only share with our nearest and dearest. Should be enough.

You did share on here though, in the dim and distant past. You are a trooper jingl!

Being without a parent's love as a child is dreadful for the child, at the time. It is probably the most cruel thing that could happen to him/her. But when the child reaches adulthood, responsibility for him/herself has to start.

I was smacked by my Mum never by my Dad it was just what happened if I was naughty. My Dad was very strict and I was a little afraid of him but he never smacked me. I loved them both till the day they died and we had a very lovely relationship as we grew older and I don't think it damaged me or our relationship.
As others have said some us can just 'let it go' and carry on a normal relationship and some people can't. I don't feel 'abused' and harboured no ill will feelings towards them although some people might put that label on it.

I'm amazed you can remember Ana! Wow!

Thanks jb, I am relatively abnormal now !!!!

My mother was very quick to raise her hand unfairly and was also emotionally difficult with a cup that was always half empty.
My father never raised his hand or his voice and I respected him so much.

Aren't we all? Who says we have to be perfect?

Oh!Dear! Jinglebellsfrocks, definitely not self pity. I was hit( not often) and bullied by my father, my mother was lovely. I will not go into details but my life especially as I got into my teenage years was not easy. My father used to think that girls were unimportant and he took no interest in me. I had two older brothers who he doted on.The result of this has been with me all my life, I have such low self esteem. I have always felt I am not good enough.
In another way it has made me stronger and believe it or not very compassionate.I will always side with the underdog and help them.I had to leave school instead of going to college or university, he said girls didn't need to go. Later on, married with two young children I did go to college and I became a teacher. Guess what? He was so proud of me.Despite everything I loved my dad and I was the one holding his hand, on my own, when he passed away in hospital.I had lost my mum fifteen years earlier. Just before he died he took hold of my hand and kissed it. The first kiss I had ever remembered having.That meant so much.

I agree to an extent that childhood problems are used to avoid taking responsibility for oneself by some people. Others do find it difficult to move on. I take issue with people on programmes such as Long lost Families, they often say they are missing part of their life , or make instant attachments to their birth parent when these people are complete strangers. I digress - sorry.

Oh. Lovely.

that was to path20.

I'm off this thread now.

path20 ?

Why haven't we got a hand over gob emoticon?

Will hand over mouth do?

This is better.

I was clearly lucky as my parents were not given to smacking. I was once smacked when at three I bit my Dad's arm and once when I climbed back into the bath after my mum had dried me. I was never afraid of my parents these were instinctive reactions. I was really lucky as I knew people at school who were hit by their as punishment.
My mum did have a subtle way of sapping my confidence but in general they were kind and very caring.

I do feel sorry for those who were not so lucky. I don't think hitting children is ever right but if the family relationship is basically really sound as it is not a frequent happening it can be managed.
I am thinking say really stroppy teenagers in a paddy etc.

The only time I remember my dad smacking me was when I was about 3 - he'd gone to the outside toilet and I locked him out - there was a fire burning in the grate and he was terrified I'd go near it - gave me a smacked bottom when I finally opened the back door which was probably a reaction to the scare! I think my mum smacked me once for emptying cornflakes all over the floor and putting the hearthrug over them but other than that I was never hit by my parents. It's awful to read such terrible stories and so sad that those of you who experienced it have these memories of childhood.

I cannot agree less with those that say don't think about it, get over it, move on, If ONLY it was that easy Your childhood colours your whole life whether you believe it or not, add to that your genetic make up, and for most people it is very hard to just walk away without damage Indeed I would imagine Jinglebells 'toughen up' attitude is her way of surviving, who knows she may have been soft and fluffy without her background ( which I know nothing about ) Now I m going to hide behind the sofa

Mine always said to admit if I did anything and two episodes helped me not be afraid of doing this - I dropped a stone which bounced and cracked a window in the back door - I remember waiting at the top of the road for my Dad to come home on his bike and told him - he was calm about it and just said to be more careful next time. The other when I dropped an open bottle of ink onto the sofa - luckily Mum had made loose covers and because I ran out and told her immediately she whipped the cover off before the ink soaked into the furniture and it washed out of the cover. As I was not punished for either thing I always admitted anything I did - only got into a row if I didn't tell them! I was never hit - if I really went over the top I had one slap on the back of my leg by my mother - never Dad as he was afraid he might really hurt us. There was none of this 'wait till your father gets home' either - things dealt with straight away.

I'm with Bluebelle on this. I won't join her behind the sofa though. I think, what she said was spot on!

I am sorry Melanie you had such a hard time. Have you tried counselling to try and sort out all those mixed emotions? In the long run I am sure you would find it helpful. I think childhood experiences hugely shape our emotional development, our personalities and our ability to form strong relationships. A lot of people flounder in adulthood without the foundation of a good upbringing. I have seen it numerous times with drug addicts and prisoners in the extreme to others who function reasonably outwardly but find life hard. You cannot just put a difficult childhood to one side and think I am an adult now that's over. Wish you well Melanie

I'm not sure this has ever been discussed before. I remember being smacked by my father and the effect it had on me, I was scared of him he was very irascible it didn't always take a lot to set him off. For example, if one of us dropped a glass and broke it he would go ballastic. I think I dreaded the sound of his key in the door when he came back from work. In retrospect I see myself as quite cowed and nervous as a child. I knew I would never want my children to be shaking in their shoes around me. This thread has brought it back to me althoughI find I don't think too much about that aspect of my early life. Personally I found it quite carthatic turning to genealogy after my father died and learning more about his early life through an aunt, who didn't feel he was cut out for fatherhood, too aloof, inspite of having a Mediterranean background. Like his peer group he went to war as a teenager and spent 6 years, mainly in North Africa. I regard my life as a lot softer and easier than his since becoming an adult. I don't hold a grudge against him anymore, I did once. I wish we had been a bit closer, we shared many traits such as a love of history. I try to hang on to the positives now, I had a great mother thank God and I have a great husband.

I sympathise with your feelings Melanie, my father stopped hitting me around puberty, he'd shout instead. The incident you describe at age 17 sounds extreme no wonder it's stayed with you.

I have memories of violence during childhood, not only at home but at school, which are too painful to relate.

My son once said "you're not the beat generation, you're the beaten generation."

Very glad that some grans had violence free childhoods and my heart goes out to those who didn't. I've had counselling but these memories are hard to totally come to terms with.

My dh, now sadly passed away, and me, had violent childhoods, his were worse than mine and we found solace in these shared traumas.