Mental trauma from being hit as a child.

And it should be paid for, if it's anyone over the age of forty getting it.

NHS for the truly ill.

I don't disagree with that statement

Including those left mentally unwell, scarred by earlier life experiences.

I can identify with the Op. I was always hit by my granny she believed that I had to be forced to do her wishes, I would be punched on the head, slapped or pushed until I used to cower, I lived in fear until my mother came home when my faults would be related and she would sigh and say I should behave. I hated my granny and I can't look back with fond memories, I have a strange relationship with my mother even now, she is manipulating and possessive. My mother used to hit me to, she used to say she would smash my face in and I believed it. It does affect you as an adult.

jingle why ovrr 40

Well, round about that age. Perhaps 35. Younger people sometimes need help. Not counselling though. Psychiatric help.

Psychiatric help includes medication, psychotherapy and a whole range of other 'talking ' therapies. Why distinguish psychological difficulties from other heath problems? Or do you think there should be no health care for the over 40's at all JBF?

If you've been psychologically damaged by events then you need input from a psychologist - and possibly a psychiatrist if psychiatric illness has developed. At the end of the day though it's the individual who has to make the necessary changes.

Katek I agree with what you have said. There is a big overlap between psychiatry and psychology.
It is also try that it is the individual who has to make the changes in physical illness as well eg give up smoking,lose weight,change diet etc

I think qualified help from a psychiatrist is more likely to be beneficial than that offered by a 'counsellor'. So less danger of money being wasted.

A psychologist is usually the first port of call. He/she sorts out what treatment is likely to be effective. Perhaps a course with a psychiatrist.

I had to obey my parents immediately or I would be smacked. They both smacked me, my Dad used a ruler on my calves. He was my teacher too so if I did anything wrong at school I would be punished at home.
I was sensitive and knew this was unfair. I tried to be good to avoid being slapped. I can remember some instances of punishment that from an adult perspectives I can see no justification for at all. I think they were releasing their anger with each other on me. I don't remember my sister being slapped though she was very naughty!
I discussed this with Mum and Dad in my twenties and told them how hurt I'd been. Mum apologised. Dad had been brought up very strictly. Nana followed the child specialist Truby King who I believe was extremely strict. This helped me understand where Dad was coming from, but he believed he was doing what was right.
I instinctively hit my girls very occasionally but stopped myself later as I hated doing it. I hate to see any child being slapped. There are better ways of disciplining. As a child I remember wishing they would just ask me why I had done whatever was so grievous to them but they never did.

I trained for 10 years as a counsellor and psychotherapist. I see a huge difference in my clients due to the work we do. I have also experienced some excellent therapy. I just feel the need to offer my viewpoint about the efficacy of therapy.

I feel so sad reading about the abuse people hear have suffered. And I, too, experienced it. I wish everyone well as they work through in whatever way works for them.

Psychiatrists deal with mental illness and prescribe drugs to help. Psychologists offer CBT, DBT, brief therapy and a range of other therapeutic interventions. There tends to be long waiting lists for psychological intervention and various alternative methods of delivery have had to be devised including online courses of eg CBT. For some people there is no substitute for 1:1 input and trained counsellors (who receive rigorous training and supervision) have a useful role here. People are very different in their life experience, underlying personality and ability to deal with traumatising events. No one approach suits all, least of all the 'get a grip approach'!

I agree Jane-stiff upper lip approach is not advisable. I meant that unless the individual engages fully with the psychological process and is prepared to make the necessary changes, then therapy is not going to be effective. It's a proactive process not one that allows the individual to rerun past events and fail to move forward. I sometimes wonder if counselling (very much dependent on the counsellor of course) encourages this behaviour more than other therapies.

Rerunning past events I mean

Reading through these posts makes me realise how abused I actually was. My mother beat me regularly with garden canes, shoes, belts and anything to hand really. She once threw a knife which fortunately missed me and stuck in the pantry door and on another occasion threw me out naked onto the front doorstep (I was about 12 or 13). I hated her but was more afraid of my dad though he never hit me or showed anger except once when he exploded at her 'nagging' and tipped the whole tea table up and yelled. (I think that was more at her than what we had actually done). Later when I learned that her mum had died when she was five and her dad gave her up for adoption I began to understand. Her older sister brought her back home as she cried so much and brought her up herself (after persuading her father she would be responsible|) Then her father died when she was 10 and she was the youngest of 4 sisters who had to struggle to survive on their own. She had no experience of mothering. She also had to suffer poverty most of her life. It took a long time but I began to accept and forgive what she had done. When she died I was the one who made sure her hair was brushed and she looked nice when the doctor came to sign the certificate. My brother, on the other hand, cannot forgive her. Some people may benefit from counselling I expect but in my case I just tried to understand why. Incidentally I have not been the perfect mother or grandmother as I frequently want to hit badly behaved children but I see my mother in myself at those times and really try to control it. It is a very strong motivation! Commiserations and good luck to all of you who are struggling with these feelings.

I found group therapy very helpful. I don't know why it isn't used more - costs less for a start.

I would like to add that someone who is massively opposed to counselling, for whatever reason, will not be helped by it. You do need to be open to engage and once you have closed off and decided it's useless then I m afraid it will be useless and fulfill your predictions

I think you have also to be very brave when being helped by counselling, it's not easy talking about really dark, hurtful and shameful stuff, maybe those that are anti just aren't brave enough or prefer to carry the load around for ever. Being adopted, violent, mental and sexual abuse, divorced, are all for me put in their right boxes in my head thanks to counselling, I have been able to move on with a much lighter load

Glad you were helped Nanny and the process worked well.

Thank you mumofmadboys? it was a real lightbulb moment for me when I was helped to understand that what had happened to me wasn't my fault, I had always felt so worthless.

But can't you manage it yourself? Why do you need someone else to sort it for you?

Self indulgence. Poor little me syndrome. A lot of it about.

jbf I really don't think you have anything else to offer on this thread, I find your comments most unpleasant

Oh yes, I forgot. An opinion differing from that of the masses isn't usually welcome on Gransnet.