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they come and go

(8 Posts)
Cath9 Mon 26-Sep-16 18:40:50

Some of you may remember me mentioning that my younger son, after two and a half years, has been over to visit us from NZ for two weeks.
Naturally I usually find it difficult to say fare well, but this time, being that much older and without my late husband, I fear it has become very difficult, although it is good to know he loves the country.
I presume other much older parents with children across the globe get by thinking positive when they leave?

Stansgran Mon 26-Sep-16 18:45:49

No it's hard even when they are in Europe within reach.

yogagran Mon 26-Sep-16 18:47:15

flowers for you Cath, the Goodbyes are just so painful, I sympathise as I know only too well how tough this is. No advice I'm afraid - just to let you know that there are quite a few of us in the same position so I'm sure you'll get better suggestions of how to deal with the situation than I can offer

JessM Mon 26-Sep-16 18:59:10

About 10 years with one son in NZ and one in Australia, it does get a bit easier in terms of getting used to it. Harder with the grandkids as they change so fast! What else - well try to keep busy and that helps. Have you been to visit your son in NZ?

starbird Mon 26-Sep-16 20:05:42

My sons and families both live in the uk but not close enough to return in one day. Neither has a spare foom, and I cannot afford the hotels nearby. They can rarely visit me for various reasons, so I am lucky to see them more than once or twice a year, and just for a couple of days. The time flies by, there are things to do, they watch tv etc, and always when we part I am left fighting back tears of regret, because there was no quality time or time to say things I wanted to say. I look forward to the next time I see them, God willing, but it is always the same story.
All I can say, Cath9 and others, including myself, is to be happy that they are happy, and be grateful for those moments when you are in contact, be it by phone, skype or in person. In my case, sadly, for reasons beyond my control, and much as I loved them, after I was married, I was only able to see my own parents once or twice a year while they were both alive.

Cath9 Mon 26-Sep-16 20:54:24

Thanks so much for your support, really appreciated at this time.
I have got used to him living abroad, especially as it was myself who, when he was at Uni, suggested that if he gets a chance to get to NZ - go. I just find it difficult this time as I am that much older, at an age when one never knows what may happen.
I can remember a dear old lady, who lived opposite us when the lads were growing up. She had a son who lived in OZ and came to see her only every seven years, in between she went to Oz. The last time was when she was in her eighties. When he left she told me she was in tears, so I can now understand her feelings although I have a quite a few years to go yet before getting to my eighties!
Thanks again,


JessM Mon 26-Sep-16 20:59:42

If I feel sorry for myself I think of my gran. My father died when he was 34. Two years late her only other child emigrated to Canada with his 2 kids, back in the days before jet planes and cheap travel. She only saw them once again - it was a bit like going to the moon. I'm glad that my mother made sure we went to visit her often!
Cath9 - still interested to know if you have ever been out to NZ to visit?

yogagran Mon 26-Sep-16 23:06:46

It's very sad (for us as parents) when our children choose to move away but we bring our children up to be independent and should be proud that they are confident and strong enough to plan their own lives. Skype, phone calls and WhatsApp are no substitute for physical contact but be proud of what you have achieved with your son, you've given him confidence to make choices, it doesn't mean he loves you any less. Be brave and proud