Baby Shower

I have to be honest - perhaps I am a pessimist! - but I would not feel happy about a big celebration like that till babe has safely arrived. At what stage of pregnancy are these events held?

I worked in hospitals for too long and saw the sad side of things so often.

It all sounds like lots of fun though. - good luck with it.

I love babyshowers, if gathering to celebrate that time in a womans life is an american import, well thank you america - much appreciated

OP I will say though, that the more game oriented ones are less enjoyable than the more relaxed gather for afternoon tea and making a fuss over the bump ones, people don't enjoy the game bits, they don't work very well, they sound fun on paper but end up cringey in practice.

The nicest ones have been BBQs or tea parties without stifled sitting around doing enforced fun games. Baby themed decorations and cakes and favours (baby bottles filled with milk bottle sweets) and just chatting and spending quality time with the mum and her friends family before the arrival.

Also, sorry but what if something goes awfully wrong? Shouldn't celebrations wait until it's safely arrived?
WTAF????? If a woman tragically loses a baby, that doesn't erase her pregnancy OR the baby, they were and will always be a major part of her live, and if I lost a baby it would make a baby shower an even more important memory, because I'ld know that the pregnancy and unborn baby meant something to the people who gathered to celebrate the pregnancy with me, and my child existed to them as it did to me, even if it was for a short time!

The point is to gather at and share the time, right before her life is going to change forever, and if anything tragically happens to the baby after that, well, that'll change her forever too.

either way it's a pensive time of worry and excitement and it's wonderful when women rally round a first time pregnant woman like this to share that with her and to celebrate her and what she's going through and facing.

watermedow, yes they are expected to buy another gift when the baby is born but an even worse trend (from America !) is a labour gift for the mother from the father

What is a labour gift? My dad gave a beautiful ring to my mum after I was born. I have it now. Is that what you mean ...or is it something actually to do with the labour??

A damp flannel for her brow, perhaps?

nanatobe I like your attitude in embracing this occasion, and hope it goes well.

When I saw the heading, I thought "uh ho - here comes another bout of American-ism bashing" .
Got it in one. ??

Who says "they are expected to buy another gift when the baby arrives"? Penstemon's father gave her mother beautiful ring to celebrate Pen's birth. Is that what is meant by a labour gift?
Honestly, I do believe it's better to embrace new customs that harm no one and bring, from my observation at least, a lot of fun to mothers to be, their close friends and loved ones. My own daughters were given practical items, nappies, wipes, etc and baby grows, some friends clubbed together to buy a baby bath or other bigger items. What's to grumble about?

Come to think of it my DH gave me a pretty antique brooch when DD1 was born...no money when DD2 arrived.

Yes I give another gift when the baby is born

I would anyway

For baby shower gifts I usually bring practical stuff for the pregnancy/labour or immediately after, those gifts are for the mother.

after the birth I bring a gift for the baby, a toy or outfit or gift

I do that anyway, if a friend isn't having a babyshower I'll still usually give them some relaxing mum-to-be bath stuff etc as they get near the achey miserable last stages of pregnancy or some bump butter when they announce the pregnancy etc.

If people do pushing presents - who cares? That's between the couple isn't it, god is it so awful if someone's partner gives them a gift? and what has that to do with anyone else?

I don't understand what's going on in society these days with this trend of pissing on other people's little moments of happiness?

I think a gift to the mother from the father to mark their child's safe arrival is a lovely idea. SIL gave DD an eternity ring for number one, diamond stud earrings for no. 2 and a necklace for no. 3. Not a "worse trend" from the US but a gift of love. Lucky girl!
(DH had clearly never heard of the idea when we had ours Ah well!) )

I don't think it's a new idea at all it's just a new thing that it has a name

My elderly neighbour had an eternity ring she got when she had her first

I wouldn't have liked a present because money was tight when I went on maternity leave so I'ld have been a bit annoyed at DH for buying luxuries when we needed to save anything extra to get through mat leave, but for friends who had a disposable income when they had babies I don't begrudge them their pushing presents - they could afford them and they enjoyed them!

Hi there notanan, love your phrase about what it is that makes people piss on other people's little moments of happiness.

I ve never been to one and although I ve heard of them never heard anyone around this area having them (thankfully) none of my children mentioned them when they were producing perhaps they ve become more popular in the later years
I m probably completely out of tune, well I know I am after reading these replies, but I dislike all this feeling of giving becoming compulsory because then it takes the real feelings out of the equation Surely giving should be done spontaneously out of love, not organised
Each of my children were given a gift from their new sibling when it was born, family and close friends gave me small gifts what more do you need ?
I believe in all ways we are becoming more and more materialistic and money orentated that all the true meaning is lost Like the wedding gifts that ask you for a donation for their honeymoon

I ve no problem with having a celebration for a new baby before I m accused of being a misery but obligatory gifts I don't like

babyshowers are only "materialistic" oriented if they're a bunch of people who are materialistic anyway

If your family and friends are more people than things oriented then that's what their babyshowers will be about.

None of the baby showers I've been to have been at all materialistic, they've been about coming together and sharing and celebrating the last weeks of pregnancy. But if your family/friends are quite shallow/materialistic, then their babyshowers probably would be. My friends/family aren't, its more about getting everyone together.

Last babyshower I went to I brought some home made cupcakes and the mum-to-be's favourite sweets for her hospital bag - hardly the height of consumerism! We did a birth/baby fact quiz which was quite funny and had a nice lunch. The women who had already had babies shared some TMI insights (in jest).. it was nice. Friends of the mum to be who were scattered around the country after uni all came together for it.

it's a bit like Christmas, it can be a lovely time when family come together or a materialistic nightmare, depending on what kind of people you are/have in your life.

Don't blame Christmas if your Christmas is all about consumerism

Same for baby showers. Weddings, any gatherings really. If some people use babyshowers as an excuse to be greedy nightmare bump-zillas that's not the fault of all baby showers, they're just missing the mark/point.

None of my family are selfish or materialistic thankfully
These showers have never featured or have I ever heard of them happening with my other friends etc Maybe its the part of the world (country) I live in perhaps we re a bit behind here.
In my experience you always buy a gift when the child is here and I've not come across this phenomenon
So am I hearing that you buy gifts before and then again after?

So am I hearing that you buy gifts before and then again after?

I believe the etiquite if you buy a baby item for the shower then you don't buy again

but I usually buy something for the mum for the baby shower, which I would do for pregnant friends anyway (pamper stuff etc), so I buy something for the baby when it arrives.

I buy exactly the same amount as I would for someone with no baby shower. Except maybe I bring a dish or a cake or something for a shower too as well as a treat for the mum

I think its also normal these days to give baby things before the baby's born, why the heck wants to go baby-shopping with a newborn and stitches? most people prefer to be prepared.

I got lots of baby things before my first was born to help me get ready, then when she was born I got a few flowers and outfits, but most of the practical things came before - which is logical and sensible.

things like novelty outfits and toys and trinkets can wait, but if friends or family are chipping in for practical things, you need them before hand. E.g. if they're helping with the car seat - you need that to leave hospital! it's not good getting one when you're up to visitors a week after you've already made it home (and back'n'forth to midwife clinic, they don't do home postnatal visits much now!)

Any baby gifts that I've seen given at showers have all been practical stuff and as such needs to be given before the birth

You really feel strongly about this subject, don't you notanan?

I don't think many mums have them in my neck of the woods (DD would have told me!), but what's the harm?

Just think it's shitty to piss on something harmless that people enjoy

We're all entitled to our opinion though. Have you come from Mumsnet? The language sounds more suited to that site...

it's not a "what do you think of baby showers" or "Babyshower, yes or no" thread

the poor OP's rellie IS having a babyshower and asked for ideas, and got a load of "don't agree with 'em, materialistic, grumble grumble.." instead.