I'm not sure if this is in the right place, so please can this be moved if it isn't?
I would also like to say straight away I have a very dear friend who is transgender, with whom I love spending time. I support her completely. I do not have a problem with transgender people. I also used to work with a woman whose daughter was transgender and I met her when she was 11. She had M to F surgery as soon as she was 16. She was a lovely child and expressed clearly that she was trapped in a male body but she was 100% female. I work for a mental health service and have worked with a number of transgender people.
We are quite a close knit family and we have always been socially liberal and to the left politically. We are live and let live. My younger sister got pregnant quite young and she wasn't with the father but we were supportive emotionally, financially and with childcare.
The wider family part own her house (she had about half of the money from our late father); plus myself, my mother and my stepfather have all contributed money).
Her child is now 19, I am going to call the child Alex. Alex was a v highly strung child: everything had to exactly be as Alex wanted or they had the screaming abdabs, especially around food. Alex at 7 refused ever single item from an all you can eat buffet, except for eating TWO strands of spaghetti. Alex at 8 had a hysterical fit because the gravy was touching the potatoes. Alex at 11 at a meal for my birthday in a restaurant had a screaming hysterical fit because they were offered caramel ice cream but wanted chocolate. Alex ran away from school frequently. Threatened to kill themselves, etc, etc. Child services were involved for a while but my daughter's new partner said he could deal with it. Nothing happened.
As Alex grew older they seemed to have a knack of working out what upset people and used that to wind them up. Alex worked out that my mother doesn't like being late to places and is always late when she is around, even though apparently Alex has no problem with time keeping normally.
My stepfather (who Alex calls grandfather) is also disabled after several strokes, as was my late father as he had a stroke too. I have had poor mental health/anxiety and Alex told me that 'all disabled people should be euthanised'.
I am also quite plump (not enormous, just a couple of stone) but larger than the rest of the family - Alex told me that Alex didn't love me as much as the rest of the family because I am fat. Alex at 16 told a family friend who teaches Law and Human Rights that Hitler had the right idea. Etc etc.
Alex was born female and always seemed to enjoy being a little girl: loved pink, dressing up as princess, playing with a dollshouse, playing 'house', with dolls, etc. Alex had always been bright but didn't get on at school, was bullied a lot, didn't put in any work, scraped a few GCSEs, started college but dropped out. Alex then spent the next 3 years living in my sister's house: Alex is a NEET, not leaving the house, no job, not signing on, not in education or training. Not contributing any money. Alex also orders everyone else around and expects everyone to say 'how high' when Alex says jump. Alex has hit my sister. My sister's partner seems to be besotted with Alex and Alex treats them like a slave. Alex only washes once a week, if that, and refuses to use towels or tampons during a period and bleeds all over the dark sheets and underwear.
I have felt for a while that Alex has quite serious mental health problems and going on my mental health training I would say Alex has Borderline Personality Disorder or maybe sociopathic tendancies. Alex refuses to see the doctor or admit to having any kind of mental health issues. Alex is now 19 and cannot be forced to see the doctor!
Alex has decided they want to be male. They won't have anything to do with anything they feel is feminine and screams and shouts. (eg I gave Alex a pack of origami paper as they love origami, but I didn't realise it was a mixed colour pack and there was ONE pink sheet in the pack so Alex refused the whole thing and torn them up)
From what I understand: people who are transgender are born that way. Like the people I worked with and child of my colleague, they are born feeling trapped in the wrong body.
Alex never expressed anything until very recently about wanting to be male. Alex has been referred to the Gender ID clinic and seems to believe that as soon as they get to the appointment they will immediately be take in for surgery.
Alex is also 'engaged' to someone they have only ever met online (this woman lives in another continent) It really doesn't bother us if Alex is a lesbian, but couldn't they date someone they have actually met in real life? Or would the lack of washing, hysterical fits and rude behaviour put a real person off?
I cannot help but think that Alex has worked out that my mother (who is in her 70s) is not very keen on the idea of gender-fluidity and is doing all of this to upset her grandmother. My mother is quite ill with cancer and is terminally ill.
We are at our wit's end with caring for my very ill mother and dealing with an adolescent who is clearly unbalanced.
Please can someone reassure me that this is all going to be okay?
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