Difficulties with grandchildren's nanny (employed person, not other grandparent).

Jingl has enrolled with a nanny agency

I agree with you, Zorro21, that the situation is absurd (and I realise that it isn't a life or death situation either .. 'strangled parents' notwithstanding!). I bet it occurs more than one might think though.
FlossieTurner, your advice is very wise and that's what DH and I will do.
Thank you to everyone who offered kind and constructive comments.

Flossie - strangled parents may be more apt here. Love your comment.

Please let us know how all this turned out after New Year and whether the 50 tips relating to dealing with employing nannies helped.

My parents doted on my children. They loved them beyond measure.
I would have gone bonkers if they had lived nearby and wanted regular mid-week visits without one of us present as my husband and I were pretty firm and my loving parents were a complete pushover! They were kind and generous to a fault and though they couldn't see it, their visits created not only lots of joy and laughter but a measurable and exhausting after-visit chaos!
It was much easier when the children were older and could stay with them for a few days by arrangement.
We never had a nanny or childminder but to me a good childminder would have been a more comfortable option, had I been working, than my parents. Is it possible that your little family feel they need someone pretty firm to do exactly what they want and that being thir employer rather than family gives them this?

An hour once a week, in the company of the nanny, shouldn't be out of the question.

I will, Zorro21, and yes the 50 tips were helpful, as was the page I found on the Norland Nanny website, stating in point 10 that a Norland Nanny will 'respect the central and enduring role of families in a child's life'.
NotSpaghetti, I am as firm with the grandchildren as my DD & SIL are. I don't think that's the issue.
What all this has made me realise, however, is that I was possibly sometimes less than kind in dealing with my own parents & parents-in-law in relation to my children when they were young. With the hindsight gained through becoming a grandparent myself, I would have given them the benefit of the doubt more often when I felt they spoke out of turn. It's like that excellent saying: 'Life can only be understood backwards, but it unfortunately it has to be lived forwards'. How true that is.

Sorry, slightly misquoted the above .. and with a typo into the bargain. The actual quotation is 'Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards'.

I am sorry to post this but I find it hard to believe that this thread has gone on so long and had so many replies. It was so simple in my opinion, the OP should have sorted it with her daughter. The nanny is an employee.

i don't think family relationships are ever simple. People develop good relationships by knowing when to hold their tongue. I think Mutti understands her daughter and how much she, rightly or wrongly, relies on this Nanny to make the family run smoothly. The woman has an unfortunate attitude, but nowhere has it been indicated that the children are unhappy in her care.

Nanny will be replaced eventually, Mutti is going to be there for many, many years after the Nanny has gone.

mutti My dad used to quote a saying he picked up...

Too soon we grow old, too late we grow smart!

But then there's the proverbial young adult upon growing up and observing that their parents were smarter than they thought!