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Am I being unreasonable

(113 Posts)
DaphneBroon Wed 30-Nov-16 09:02:41

In a word, yes.
Sorry if his is not what you wanted to hear, but I do wonder what you would consider a"personal" present if perfume is unacceptable! confused

janeainsworth Wed 30-Nov-16 08:47:41

Are you real ataloss?
Your OH looks after your child, dies the cooking and ironing while you're away, buys a you a bottle of perfume and you engineer a row?
And his mother's going to move in with you?
Pull the other one.

Rinouchka Wed 30-Nov-16 08:45:37

I am surprised at your reaction to his gift, which most people would qualify as a very personal gift. It indicates that you really cannot bear this man, no matter what he does to please you. Your reaction was unreasonable and has triggered more distress.

As others have said, this is not the moment to buy a house together or have MiL move in. Seek counselling urgently, as a couple and as individuals.

Good Luck!

Bellanonna Wed 30-Nov-16 08:45:08

When I got to the bit about an impersonal present I expected to see frying pan or toaster and was surprised to see perfume. I think that was a lovely present and one that many men buy their other halves . I feel really sorry for him to have his gift rebuffed like that, especially as he held the fort so admirably while you were off having fun. Please don't let granny sell her home. The phrase out of the frying pan... leaps to mind.

Christinefrance Wed 30-Nov-16 08:43:31

Your husband may not communicate well verbally but his actions speak volumes. You were very unreasonable to decry his gift, he obviously is trying harder than you to make things work. You should think very carefully as should he before you take the next step. Moving in with a family member needs compromise and a degree of unselfishness - are you prepared for this?

Anya Wed 30-Nov-16 08:17:49

End this relationship now.

Anya Wed 30-Nov-16 08:16:37

If that was your way of getting 'better at communicating' then you have a lot to learn.

Considering what your partner had done to try to please you it would have been better to praise that. If you had children would you ignore their efforts to please and only condemn their bad behaviour? And, this wasn't even 'bad behaviour' just a misguided attempt to please you.

I'm not surprised he stormed off in a huff.

ninathenana Wed 30-Nov-16 08:14:39

Perfume is very personal IMHO what suits one dosen't suit the other.
Buying a house together and moving MiL in in your current relationship spells disaster !!

annsixty Wed 30-Nov-16 08:09:29

I totally agree and I think buying a house at this time is a step too far and as for having MiL move in ??

Nelliemoser Wed 30-Nov-16 08:06:53

Well the poor chap appears to be trying his best here, give him some credit even if you don't particularly like that gift.

To be blunt If you are thinking of buying a house together and arguing about things like this you are on a hiding to nothing. Sort out your relationship first.

kittylester Wed 30-Nov-16 07:18:01

I agree with GK!

Grannyknot Wed 30-Nov-16 07:10:12

Hi ataloss, IMHO perfume is a personal gift. I can't imagine why you'd set the scene for an argument about it the day after he made an effort by cooking etc. - indicating a willingness to make a fresh start. And a "repair signal".

Coupled with his response to your needling (storming off) it seems as if you both have some maturing to do. Y*2*ABU.

Have you considered professional counselling?

Ataloss123 Wed 30-Nov-16 07:01:05

Hello Grans
I need some advice please. I'm not a gran but would like opinions from the wise.
My husband and I are have never managed to communicate well. Talking for us inevitably leads to arguments because the other person usually fails to listen to what the other is saying. This goes both ways.
I recently went away for a night with a girlfriend just to get away. I work full time, have a young child and I do most of the childcare and cooking. Husband also works full time. Going away was bliss. I rarely get time to myself.
When I got back husband had done the ironing and made some meals for the week. This absolutely is a first, but it was very much appreciated. Yesterday was my birthday. Husband got me a impersonal gift - a bottle of perfume.
Usually I would have just stewed about this but as we need to get better at communicating I told him I didn't think it was a good gift. He didn't take this well and has called me all sorts of things and has stormed off this morning.
Was I unreasonable to say this? I fear the real reason we don't communicate well is because we actually don't get on and shouldn't be together.
On the back of all this we are just about to buy our first house together (we've always rented) and his mother will sell her house and move in with us.
I am at a loss and would appreciate some advice please.
Thanks.