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can be concerning sitting on your own

(44 Posts)
Cath9 Fri 30-Dec-16 18:31:18

Hi,
Do any of you widows, when on your own in a cafe or whereever, get a feeling that people sitting around may be wondering if you have scarpered and left your poor husband on his own?

I so often get this feeling, which I did todsy in a small cafe when I sat next to a an older couple, who looked around my age.

goldengirl Sat 31-Dec-16 10:50:47

Crumbs! I often go to cafes and restaurants on my own especially when I'm away on business. There are lots of people doing just that so it's never crossed my mind. I find I get looked after really well!

loopylou Sat 31-Dec-16 11:09:52

I'm another who doesn't give a second thought to having a coffee or a meal on my own. I usually have a newspaper to read and relish the peace and quiet.

DaphneBroon Sat 31-Dec-16 11:24:54

I wonder what has brought this on? Christmas is indeed a time when alone too easily becomes lonely and perhaps it is a reflection of Cath9's mood . It is so easy to think everyone else is having festive fun, all happy families, couples having coffee but this is not necessarily the reality.
Sitting in a Costa coffee/Starbucks/Waitrose or John Lewis coffee shop (enjoying my free cuppa) I am quite happy to be on my own. My Kindle or iPad provide me with reading matter (or there is always the DM?) but if you are feeling lonely Cath9, how about arranging to meet a girlfriend for a coffee and a Danish pastry?

J52 Sat 31-Dec-16 11:52:18

If and when I am on my own, I have every intention of going out regularly for coffee or lunch, on my own if necessary.
Recently there was a news story of an elderly lady who had become stuck in her bathroom, rescued by cafe owners. They'd noticed that she had not been in for her daily coffee.

Stansgran Sat 31-Dec-16 16:53:23

Now that J52 is really a good reason to have a regular coffee somewhere . There is a nice Austrian style cafe not far away from me . I must make a regular datetchgrin

PamelaJ1 Sat 31-Dec-16 19:40:18

That is so sad, it just goes to show that what goes on in your head colours your life.
I hardly ever am on my own but when I am I enjoy it so never think that anyone is judging me. Just chill and wonder about everyone else instead.

Ana Sat 31-Dec-16 19:43:38

But you're missing the point, PamelaJ1. If you're hardly ever on your own you're very lucky - it's not quite so easy to enjoy solitude if it isn't a choice...

rubylady Sun 01-Jan-17 08:09:00

I usually get chatting to someone when out and about, and usually end up with someone either giving me their number or them taking mine. The other day a young guy gave me his number for some coach trips he was running for disabled people. The time before that it was a guy who was walking dogs for a living.

Maybe it's me, but if I had to worry about what other people were thinking about then I wouldn't have the brain space to chat up these lovely men! wink

Cath9 Sun 01-Jan-17 11:07:43

Thanks all,
I will say that today I went to Morrisons where I often get a bite to eat and really enjoyed being pn my own there. Also the stafff know me by now, coming up with what I had ordered saying:
I expected this would be for you!'
So it may have just been that one day, being in such a small place with people of my own age sitting next to me.

grannyqueenie Sun 01-Jan-17 13:34:51

Friends who are widowed mention that now the world seems full of couples, waking arm in arm or enjoying a chat over a cup of coffee. In the same way, soon after my mother died everywhere I went all I saw were mothers and daughters happily walking arm in arm. In those situations it's hard not to greatly miss what we once had and long for it once again. That sense of aloneness can be very acute and it's hard to believe everyone around doesn't notice it. I wonder if that's what you're experiencing cath

f77ms Sun 01-Jan-17 13:41:01

I am quite comfortable doing things on my own and would never give a thought to why someone is sitting in a café not as part of a couple . People just tend to be getting on with their own lives and thoughts to really notice (or care) why I am on my own . The only place I would not go to alone is the pub ! but no where else is off limits .

Swanny Sun 01-Jan-17 13:47:27

Yes grannyqueenie I experienced similar when my husband left. Everywhere I went there were couples walking arm in arm - unfortunately one day it was him and his bit of fancy!

henetha Sun 01-Jan-17 13:51:33

I'm out and about a lot on my own and can honestly say that
such a thought has never entered my head. Lots of other thoughts maybe, not all of them happy ones, but never that.

grannyqueenie Sun 01-Jan-17 15:57:33

flowers swanny hope you managed to sweep past them looking, even if not feeling, cool as a cucumber !!

jacq10 Sun 01-Jan-17 16:28:40

If there is a Morrison's near you Cath9 the set up there is perfect for any time of day and, because of the price, usually pretty busy. I have been encouraging my DH to go there a lot on his own as I am trying to build his confidence up after hospitalisation which has left him with mobility problems.

Swanny Sun 01-Jan-17 21:27:58

Thanks for the flowers grannyqueenie, that was kind. I'm afraid on the occasion I spoke of, I was in bits and hid in a doorway! However that made me angry - why should I hide? From that day on I managed to hold my head high again and projected a much more confident, capable image!!

grannyqueenie Sun 01-Jan-17 23:38:02

Ouch, * swanny* that wouldn't be easy but glad it spurred you on to greater things x

Corncob Mon 02-Jan-17 13:57:04

You should never worry about what other people think. I have been a widow for quite a long time. When I go for a coffee I just tend to sit by a window and people watch.It has never entered my head that people may think I am some lonely old soul,they have their own lives to think about.