Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

GD telling woppers

(51 Posts)
Pippa000 Thu 05-Jan-17 15:26:33

My 6 year old GD has recently started telling lies, not just tiny ones either. She fools her parents most of the time, but us grand parents are more of a canny lot. Parents have explained that telling lies is not acceptable and she is being punished for doing so. How do we stop her?

Lisalou Thu 05-Jan-17 15:30:04

Give it time, it is a phase some children go through. Just keep doing what you are doing, and hope parents pay more attention to what she is saying! With time she will work out that getting punished is not much fun and she will stop

gillybob Thu 05-Jan-17 15:33:01

Are they "lies", "fibs" or "exaggerations of the truth" Pippa000?

I think a lot of children tell "fibs" at that age, it's just an overactive imagination. Whopping great "lies" (that could get someone into serious trouble or cause harm) are a very different matter though.

Nelliemoser Thu 05-Jan-17 16:10:50

Punishing will not help at all. As Gillybob says it depends on the sort of "stories or lies" she is telling.

Punishing her will have already made it harder to get her to trust that she can talk sensibly to the grown ups about her "lies and stories" without making the adults even more angry. She needs to know why it matters so much to know the difference between truth and inagination.

The adults need to find out what she is "lying or boasting" about and to calmly talk about it with her.
Younger children can make up all sorts of things that are not true or are just wishful thinking.

Maybe you as a gran who is outside this issue could help with this.

Luckygirl Thu 05-Jan-17 16:19:33

It is a phase - I remember when I was about 6 that I told the nuns at school that my lost navy PE knickers had been found in my brother's satchel - load of bollocks of course - I don't know why I said it even. It caused me no end of trouble as the knickers remained lost!! - and the nuns remained shocked!....a boy finding a girl's knickers!!! Come to think of it that was probably why I said it - to watch them squirm. They were not my favourite people!

My DD told a friend that I was dying from a brain tumour - I did wonder why my friends were all being very gentle with me!! I know why she did it - a girl in her class did have a mother in that situation and she had spotted that it was getting her a lot of attention. Makes her sound a truly ghastly child, but she has turned out to be the most morally upstanding citizen you could possibly imagine - so worry not! When your GD starts to realise what a tangled web it is when you lie she will give it up.

Elegran Thu 05-Jan-17 16:43:05

Read her the story of the shepherd boy who cried "Wolf!"

Swanny Thu 05-Jan-17 16:52:18

It can be hard for a child to recognise the difference between imagination and telling the truth. How is it ok to read/be told the story of Jack and the Beanstalk yet be punished for making up their own fantasies?

TriciaF Thu 05-Jan-17 17:27:51

Definitely don't punish at that age.
Maybe gently point out the difference between what she's saying, and reality - she'll learn in time.
My daughter at age 6 came home one day pushing a dolls pram that she'd 'found'. (not lying exactly, I know). We took it back to where she'd found it - training to be honest takes a long time.

Anya Thu 05-Jan-17 17:57:59

GS3 could lie very convincingly. I told my daughter he was making things up to get his either into troubke. His parents didn't believe this, as he was very convincing, until one day he was caught out.

Since he was found out and severely punished he has learned his lesson.

TriciaF Thu 05-Jan-17 18:03:58

How old was he, Anya?
I suppose there are lies and lies, but I would never 'severely punish' a young child.
Or are you not being serious?

petra Thu 05-Jan-17 18:21:03

My 10 yr old grandson lies all the time, we just laugh at him and proceed to take the lie apart. He's gradually learning that it's not so easy to get one over on us.

Luckygirl Thu 05-Jan-17 18:39:20

I was baby-sitting my little sister many many moons ago and I went up and down stairs all evening trying to deal with her yelling and demands. As soon as my parents were heard to enter the front door she started yelling again and told them she had been calling me all evening and I had ignored her! Little so-and-so! he is a lovely lady now, so take heart.

I do think that petra's lighthearted approach is probably the way to go.

Luckygirl Thu 05-Jan-17 18:39:39

"She"

Nandalot Thu 05-Jan-17 18:45:30

Our twin GC have just started this at 5+. We think it's just a phase they go through so aren't taking it too seriously. Their lies are quite funny really, earnestly denying something they know we have seen them do! We can usually get them to admit the truth in the end but without too much of a hullabaloo. I think at that age that's the way to go.

Lona Thu 05-Jan-17 19:01:41

My five years old dgd lives between mummy's house and daddy's house, and according to her, nothing nice happens, nobody is nice to her, she didn't get much for Christmas etc. 😂
We all cottoned on to her pretty quickly!

Anya Thu 05-Jan-17 19:12:59

But severely punish I mean no time on his tablet, limiting his TV and so on, all privileges withdrawn. Did you imagine he was beaten? He is 6.

Anya Thu 05-Jan-17 19:13:52

A very bright, clever 6-year old. He's got the message now.

Greenfinch Thu 05-Jan-17 19:15:46

My DD was delighted the first time her autistic son told a lie.It put him in line with the "normal"

Jalima Thu 05-Jan-17 19:29:25

At 5 or 6 fibbing is a new discovery - it can deflect anger away from them if they knock something over, spill something, 'find' something that doesn't belong to them, get annoyed with a sibling and want to get the sibling into trouble, etc.

Telling fibs to get someone else into trouble is unkind and it should be explained that this is not right. If they carry on doing it when they are older then it may need stricter action - unless they are 'trying it on' in which case 'pull the other one' would be sufficient.

Anya Thu 05-Jan-17 19:40:32

My grandson knew exactly what he was doing.

Greenfinch smile You will understand when I tell you that his older brother just cannot tell a lie.

Jalima Thu 05-Jan-17 19:45:32

DH told a whopper when I first met him; nothing bad but I found out eventually through his DM.
He has never lived it down.

Penstemmon Thu 05-Jan-17 20:22:25

The police turned up at our door when I was about 8 as had told a story, that included a murder, to a group of classmates! one had told parent (or parent may have been policeman) and checked it out. My Dad sent them away sayng ' Sorry, Pen is a great storyteller' Think he assumed I would be a crime writer!

Iam64 Thu 05-Jan-17 21:06:35

Great story Pen!

Anya Thu 05-Jan-17 22:22:47

grin

TerriBull Fri 06-Jan-17 09:29:25

I think some children have a tendency to embellish or tell lies, I know I did at times, maybe not whoppers, just kind of pointless untruths. When I was young we lived fairly near a recreation ground and would often make a "friend for the day" whilst on the swings and roundabouts. Sometimes we would ask each other "what's your name?" at which point I would make one up, I don't know why, probably bored with my own name, but there were occasions when I'd meet them again and I would be with another friend who knew my real name, so it could be embarrassing when my little white lie was revealed.