Any suggestions?

If the bulk of the estate was already your DSIL's before marriage then, really, the girls and your nephew would have no claim on it. Personal items would be different I think - did your DB have items of jewellery (cufflinks etc) that were his alone? If so your nieces and nephew might want to have them as a keepsake. As others have said your DB Will left his money/estate to his wife, your DSIL. The sharing between the 5 children would only have been actioned if she had already passed away so she is free to do what she wants with her own Estate. If there were any personal items that his children might treasure as a remembrance maybe it would be good to hand them over now to save any upset later.

This is, I suppose, a modern situation with more and more blended families coming into being. My ex husband was affected by a similar situation - his stepmother remarried and left everything to her new husband (after my ex's father died), she predeceased her second husband who then left everything to his children. Neither he nor any of his siblings & half siblings inherited any of their fathers wealth. As my ex was a young man who had worked the family farm with his father at the time he was left both homeless and unemployed. I don't think he ever recovered emotionally.

My husband and I both have children (and grandchildren) from previous relationships and as my husband is 21 years older than me I dare say I might well be in a similar situation at some time in the future. I have never met my stepchildren, have no idea how to contact them and therefore feel I am not in any way responsible for the rift in their relationship with their father. In the early years of our relationship, now 27 years in, I did encourage my husband to re-establish contact with them to no avail. Am I too going to end up being a wicked stepmother?

My father and his wife made a similar arrangement. I always believed that if he died first she would change her will but as she now has alzheimers that is not going to happen. I told my mother that I didn't want anything from him but she got upset as she had got shafted in the divorce and said that what he would be leaving would be what she had worked for so I feel that I have no option but to take it (although we are in a different country and her son is there so anything that is physical rather than money in the bank will go). Ideally there will be nothing left.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. It sounds as if she has a conscience and so it may prey on her mind if she doesn't do what he wanted and put her own feelings aside. Maybe she should calculate what she put into the marriage and divide the rest but ultimately she should do what she can live easily with. I am not a big fan of inheritances other than small ones (I got my grandmother's plant pot which I really like). They are not worth losing sleep over.

If I was in the same position I would leave them nothing. Think of the unhappiness they have caused their father when he was alive.

If I can just make a slight diversion, I have never been left anything so far in my life so I don't know the protocol.
My H's SiL died 2 months ago. We were close before she got ill and lost the plot. She always told me I would get something to remember her by. They had no children but she had 1 niece and 3 nephews. I know she appointed 2 nephews as executors. My question is how long after reading the will would beneficiaries be notified?. Is this after probate has been granted in which case it could be months.
I am not holding my breath but she had some lovely glass and China. There would be little money apart from the house which I assume will go to her own family.

Say nowt - it is her money to do as she wishes. I am glad that you like her and have a good relationship with her, so I think you must trust her judgement. She will have her reasons, many of which you may not know. If you think she is a decent person, then those reasons will be valid ones.

I think I would advise her to be scrupulously fair. To work out what percentage each had contributed to the joint pot - allowing for the increase in property prices from her original house, take out her portion and leave it to her children and leave your brothers to his children. In the meantime it's hers to do what she likes with and anything she saves from now on should be for her children alone.
The point about executors made by Jane10 is an excellent one and I'd make it clear that this poisoned chalice should go to someone as neutral and professional a possible.
Best wishes for dealing with this - not an easy situation.

I would keep out of this. It's not your business.

I really feel that her late husband's children have no call on any of the money. Irrespective of where the bulk of the money came from originally it has been left to her and she can do what she likes. It would be different if any of his children were still young and financially dependent on their father, however they are all adults so there is no obligation to leave them anything, not even a moral one. The only word of caution I would add is that she needs to make a will, in which she sets out quite clearly the reason for her decision. In the event that they try to contest her will the court will take this into consideration.

I've just seen Lupin's comment about having a neutral and professional executor. In theory this sounds sensible, but bear in mind that professional people take their not insubstantial fees out of the estate, so if at all possible it can be best to steer clear of them. Many years ago I worked in Probate so I have seen it in practice.

I would leave them nothing at all.It sounds as if she is doing the right thing for her to to change the will.A great deal of the money was from her in the first place, why should people who have treated you badly be rewarded, when you have done your best for them?
As you have to give advice though Ceesnan perhpas you should just um and err a bit, and say ' do whatever seems right to you YOU'.

{ceesnan}I can relate to this because when my ex moved into my house and we got married, our will was to give each child a third each. He had one son and I had two. It was the solicitor who suggested it was fairer this way! Ten years later we divorced so it isn't a problem now. In all honesty I was never happy with that arrangement, as I saw it, his son would inherit from his mother as he was an only child but my boys would have to split their share. If his ex wife as a house would they share part of that inheritance 'no' so don't feel obliged.

These are people in their 30s and 40s with, presumably, jobs and homes of their own. Your SiL should follow her own wishes and make her will in whatever way she decides. It's kind of her to even make a token bequest to adults petty enough to send a Christmas card just to 'Dear Dad'.

I've been an executor and I'm not a professional. Executors don't have to be lawyers. The lady in question should choose wisely who she'd like as executor. A poisoned chalice indeed potentially in this case.

My view is that your sister in law sounds to be a thoughtful, kind person who is trying to do what is morally right. It is right that the final decison is hers, and I think in your position that is what I would say. I have recently been supporting a friend to think through the changes she wishes to make to her will and know how hard it can be to make this type of decision. It has been pointed out to her that she should attach an explanatory letter to her new will to clarify the apparent reduction in bequest to certain family members. Although it does not have legal status it is apparently very useful should there be any contest to the will and so could be helpful to her own family in the future. I do hope your sister in law can put her mind at rest and be comfortable with her decision.

When DH & I made our Wills we made individual ones as we had both been married before. He had a S & D, I have 1 DD & 1 DGS (soon to be 2). DH left everything to me & if I predeceased him to my DD, nothing to his 2 DC as their DM & S-F are in a better financial position & they will inherit from them (S-F has no DCs or close relatives), we were advised by Solicitor to put a letter in with DH's Will stating his reasons so they could not contest the Will.

My Will was more complicated as I have already inherited a quarter share in DM's House when my S-F died, my DD inherited another quarter & DM has remaining half share. Apart from life interest in our home DH had no other inheritance from me & everything passed to DD on his death if I predeceased him.

My S-D & I still have a good relationship, S-S & I have not spoken since just after the Funeral & he never had much time or respect for his DF - no loss in my life

Is the mother of these adult children still alive, Ceesnan?

I'm just wondering whether they might inherit from her, if so, which would take the pressure off your DSIL.

Whatever money your DSiL now has, is hers to do with as she wishes.
Doing sums about what came from where and dividing equally among adults, some of whom dislike her intensely, shouldn't come into it.

So the motto is: keep quiet about your will and be careful who you appoint as executor. Nothing else is anyone else's business.

Annsixty once probate is granted you can seek a copy of the will yourself.

My sister and I were joint executors of our mother's will. She had remarried late in life to a very controlling man. He was horrified when I did not engage his (solicitor) son to do probate. I did the whole thing in less than 2 months, handed out personnel bequests - the lot. I bet there is not a solicitor in the land (esp that one) who would or could have done it quicker. It was a very simple estate which helped but no-one should assume they cant do it themselves.

A friends was talked into using a professional by the undertakers. It was a disaster - cost a fortune - and took forever to finalise.

One piece of advice is that if the executors have limited funds then take out as much cash as you can from the deceased's bank before you inform them of the death. I was given this advice by a lawyer and it was a godsend. Apart from a couple of personal requests her entire estate went to me and my sister, so just keep a strict account of monies expended. You do need instant money for registering death, booking funeral, caterers - all sorts of things that would be a nightmare without a float.

Good advice roses

Yes I agree Roses has given some excellent advice, Probate is easy, quick and cheap to apply for, I have done 4 now without any problems. My only added advice would be when drawing up a new Will to state in it that you have made no provision for xxxx and name the persons. We were advised to do this when we made Wills and we wanted to leave out 2 family members. It will help if they try to to contest the Will.

we recently updated our wills ,everything goes to the other as is usual apart from some small personal bequests BUT it is stipulated that on remarriage of the survivor that the other parents share be split between our kids.I would never remarry so it would all be split and my husband said that IF he met someone he would live with them but not marry either so all well.I've seen some greedy folk walk away with the proceeds of a long and happy marriage simply because they took advantage of a grieving widower ...what we've built up over 40 odd years is for OUR kids ...no one else

Whatever she decides to do I would advise not leaving a specific lump sum to each of the step-children, however small a token.

If she needs to sell her home and use her assets for long-term care, the money will be eaten up and, if there is anything left at all they will get the sum specified in the will and her own children will get anything left between them - if there is anything left.

So if she decides to leave them anything she needs to specify , for example, 10% of her estate each (if that is what she decides) and the remaining 70% to be split between her own children.

A very difficult situation but they sound as if they have been very unkind for a very long time.
If your DB had any liquid assets eg Insurance policy or his own ISA etc I would be inclined to give them the proceeds of that now and any of his personal belongings she thinks they should have. Then she can leave the rest to her own children with a clear conscience - and get the solicitor to include a statement to that effect with the will.

How difficult for you as they are your own nieces and nephew.

She musn't worry too much about it because the thing about wills is that you are not there to see the results of your own.

If she has made her Will and #given and bequeathed# her monies divided as she has stated then the Executor is liable for distributing her assets as directed. Doesn#t always work though ....my husband's mother passed away a few years back and appointed his younger brother as Executor (she wanted my husband, but as we don#t live in the UK it would have been difficult)....she had five children BUT she did not put their details (dates of birth, names, addresses (last known) in her Will...simply putting 'my children' with her assets to be divided equally. The Executor decided to forget to mention my husband and so he was left out There was no money to be distributed and the Estate was so small so even though I applied for a copy of Probate and sent £5 to the Probate Registry a couple of times, there is no copy available if the Estate was worth less than 8,000 ,,which it definitely would have been ! My husband was his mother's favourite, being the eldest, and she often told him she had wanted him to have certain bits and pieces of sentimental value when she died ....but we think the others destroyed those things ....not valuable, for instance, a framed picture of him being presented to the Queen during the Royal Fleet Review in Norfolk, Virginia. Despite trying the archives at Getty Images (the photo was taken by a UK journalist who accompanied the Royals), the Royal Navy and even Buckingham Palace archives, I have been unable to find a copy. In those days not many people had cameras and would not have had copies, that is the only thing he wanted ,,,,so she should be careful who she appoints as Executor that it is someone she trusts to carry out her wishes, ALSO we had a friend who bought her house in Menorca outright and married a divorced man with two chidren of his own, together they had no children as they were then both in their 50's ..with the only money he had from the sale of his marital home and giving his ex wife money to buy a smaller home, he bought himself a nice yacht ....but the house was purchased by the wife. No one believed her, and she had to prove through the Spanish courts that it was money from the sale of her business that paid for the house. The two daughters of her husband tried to contest the Will and it took a very long time and a lot of money for her to get legal copies of all her financial transactions ..i.e. the sale documents of her company in the UK, old bank statements, etc etc ! Took several years, a lot of money and a lot of unnecessary hassle ....the daughters lost, but she had already give them the boat which was his only asset, to sell. Here it is a similar situation ,,the house can be left to the surviving spouse, but then inheritance laws here apply to any asset in France, and the assets go to the children. Bit more complicated if there are children from both marriages as in our case.....don't think any one would want to inherit all the bills and taxes along with the house, and they therefore have to write a letter to the Notaire declining their inheritance, whereby if no one else wants it in the family, it will go to the local commune ! So ...appoint an Executor she can trust to carry out her wishes ( as someone else on here, I also worked for a time in Probate) and she can as she will probably know, appoint the Solicitor as Executor, This I think is best as he.she has no personal interest . Also ...keep or give to the Solicitor copies of documents proving it was her money in the majority which paid for the house ....in case it is required ! Minefield isn't it !