Adult Sons, any good experiences?

Myths about sons huh.

Biscuitlover:
I too was a 'worrier'and I learned not to worry about being a worrier! I put my worry in a box (or bag, depends on my mood!) and let it worry on its own while I get on with life.
Worrying is natural, just don't let it make you behave in unhelpful ways.

Learn from those you come across: from my own mother I learned honesty, the importance of being straightforward in relationships, from my MiL, I learned to keep quiet sometimes!
From my dad I learned the importance of family, friendship, and telling stories; from my FiL, I learned how doing practical things can help families run smoothly.
From all of them I learned the importance of trust: to do your best by your children, then let them fly and trust they will make the right decisions, because you have taught them well.

I do hope that these posts have been helpful - your sons are fortunate to have such a thoughtful mother.

My two sons are now 56 and 52 and I can honestly say that they have been a great blessing. They both live within 5 miles of me and I see them regularly. And I am lucky enough to get on well with my daughters-in-law. They are all good to me, and I have helped them too, with baby sitting etc.
My only advice would be that we need to remember that adult sons are men and we should button our lip and not give unwanted advice nor interfere in their lives. Hopefully your sons will be as good to you as mine are to me.

My lovely son is gay, so I didn't get a DiL, I got another son. Love the pair of them to bits!

I have 4 sons of 41, 39, 37 and 16, no daughters. My sons are brilliant. The eldest 2 are married and they put their wife and family first, which is as it should be. But they will do anything for me. They don't live close by [ second son lives in Canada ], but I see them as often as possible, and we all have a really good relationship.
I get on really well with both DIL too.

I can't imagine how different my life would be if I didn't have my sons in it.

I have 3 DS s and they are wonderful. One is married and my DIL is so caring and helpful. I wouldn't say she is like a DD, more like a very valued friend. Although I wouldn't have swapped any of my sons I did sometimes look at dresses and girly things and wonder what it would be like to have a daughter to buy them for. No longer do that because I now have a DGD. Learning how she plays and behaves has been a real eye opener. She is a constant source of joy and amusement. So enjoy your boys Biscuitlover, but don't worry about them changing as they grow older and who knows you may one day find yourself with a GD

I have a son who has 5 children and lives jyst 20 miles away. He is caring, kind and will do anything to help. Its a two way thing, I provide support for his family and he does the same for us, including my disabled daughter who lives in her own home. His wife I must say is hard work but we we get on. my bond with him is very close, we even meet about once a month for a spot of lunch in town, a gossip and laugh and maybe a bit of shopping, just like a mother and daughter. So you really shouldnt sterotype the sexes.

I have both sons and daughters, and sons in law and a daughter in law and I can say, hand on heart, that each one of them is unique and therefore sweeping generalizations cannot be made. My eldest daughter has cut herself off from the rest of the family, but the other children are all very close to each other and in their own ways to us as parents. My sons are delightful and so are my daughters, but all are chalk and cheese.

My Dad was devoted to his mother and when she had to go in a nursing home, he visited her every day after work. She always came to Sunday lunch and was always part of the family, that is despite her not having a great relationship with my mum and not being very demonstrative towards any of us including my Dad.

I have two sons and 1 DD. My boys are by far the more affectionate and attentive... So much for "..taking a wife"! I think it is luck of the draw. DD and I both have strong personalities and haven't really got on since she "..took a husband"!!
As for being a MiL - don't go there. The quieter, less opinionated, fewer comments, etc., the better. None of this business of listening to your 'elders and betters'! ALl the youngsters know better, have had more experience than you, yadda, yadda, yadda. Zipped mouth and "yes dear" is by far the best advice I can give you.

I have two grown up son's one married the other not. My DIL is lovely he's very lucky to have her. They have three kids. My MIL is also lovely we get on great. My husband's MIL was also great (now deceased) the family joke was that if we ever fell out my husband would go back to my mum! I know we are lucky but I also think life is what you make it not what you read.

Just like so many others on here, wonderful experiences with our 2 sons. They have bot grown up into caring and considerate men. Of course they put their families first - we would expect nothing else. But I know we come a close second and that any problems they would be round like a shot. Our DILs tell us we are their parents as well, so I have 2 great daughters without all the teenage hastle ?

Who is to say if a loving daughter won't fall for an Australian and put herself out of reach! My son is in his 40s and very caring, and a loving, hardworking husband and father. Which is not to say that he and my lovely DIL and precious grandsons might have to follow the work and disappear abroad if necessary come Brexit. It's all pot luck.

My late sister had five boys and always said that the only thing she ever envied anyone was having a daughter (I had one of each and my other sister had three of each!!). She did, however have three absolutely solid gold DiLs, who were like the daughters she never had. Together we nursed her at the end of her life when the boys were emotionally adrift with the situation and my BiL was in the throes of dementia and didn't really know what was going on. Daughters could not have come through any better.

Biscuit
Lots of interesting responses and lots to think about. How I wish I could just enjoy the here and now instead of worrying about the future, unfortunately I'm a worrier by nature though and it's a tough habit I can break. I suppose all I can do really is try and be a good mum and hope it all works out!

It's not worth worrying too much about because thirty years from now when most of us Gnetters are dead, you will be living in a very different world, and I dont think it will be a better one. You may have far more important things to worry about than your relationship with your sons and DILs, if they even provide you with any which is not a certainty!

I think chance plays a big role in this closeness thing, and it is not a case of 'if youre a good parent they will remain close' not at all. Some not so good parents keep their sons close and plenty of good parents lose much of the closeness. There is even some element of 'the tighter the bow, the further the arrow flies'. A mum who is not so close (emotionally) can sometimes prove an easier mother to an AC wanting independence. I suspect that at least some of the happy satisfied PatMILs are happy with a level of contact and closeness that other less happy patMils find quite unsatisfactory.

I think though overall Biscuit its a very good thing that youve considered this (though you are worrying too much), as I think you can be better prepared emotionally by seeing it coming.

I have 2 adult sons and this was something I was concerned about when they were young. But I am happy to say that it's all worked out fine. My younger son married a girl who is a loving and close daughter-in-law and my older son is engaged to a lovely girl. The OP asked for nice examples so.......for my younger son's 30th birthday celebrations next month he ihas asked me to come with him and his 3 year old son to Geneva for the day. We are going to fly from the UK early in the morning, build a snowman, then fly back to the UK ! My lovely daughter-in-law is working so can't come but she is very happy about the trip.
I know there's an element of luck in our relationships with adult children but sometimes our worries can be unfounded.

My son who is now 67 has always been loving and caring. When he was seven I was ill, laid on my back unable to move he stayed home from school to look after me. Went to the corner shop bought bread and ham for sandwiches. Helped me on the bedpan etc. My ten year old daughter ( unfortunately no longer with us)came home from school and asked who was going to get her dinner. He lives 150 miles away but is on call should i need him. He cares for his three small grandchildren to save his daughter care costs.

My son is in his early forties and has grown into the man every mother could wish for. He has a lovely partner and they've given me 2 gorgeous grandchildren. I'm fortunate that they live locally, and I get to babysit often.
The only downside is that he takes after his late father and tends to bury his head in the sand if problems occur. Fortunately my lovely DIL chivvies himout of it and pushes him along to achieve what he wants.

Sheilasue I don't know what to say, it can't get any easier, but you still have a part of him in your DGD.

Treasure them while you can.
Two and four are lovely ages - and make the most of each stage of their lives.

Hallelujah for NannyG1 and Grannygalactica. Was beginning to think I was the only Mum on GN who is experiencing current disappointment. Think we were lucky enough to have idyllic family experience in the formative years. I did the 'set them free' with ease and am now reaping somewhat adverse experiences in the shape of minimum communication. When we meet (seldom) things are absolutely fine and I purposely don't make waves by broaching the matter. Should have said these are 2Ss both in seemingly solid partnerships with children and stepchildren. Never wanted a D but now I am wondering about that......... No, at 70 I've no plans on that score! Fact is I was a D and, yes, I saw much more of my Mother than I did of MiL. Maybe this is doing what 'comes naturally'. I don't know. I sure wish I knew how to increase my 'desirable company' status with my sons.

As you probably know some of you, my son died in 2007 I never had a lovely dil, I envied families who have. She had mental health issues from a violent father who beat his children and she felt that was how you should bring up your children. The rest is history she killed him. He was a loving and caring son who loved his daughter who we now have living with us. I know my son would have been there for me because through all his trials and suffering he was concerned for me and my h. My daughter is amazing but she misses her brother.

I have a DD and a DS. Both are married to wonderful partners and have good, strong relationships with their spouses and with each other. I am enormously proud of all of them. My son's path to finding my lovely DIL has been a long and tortuous one though. And we met a lot of strange gfs along the way (we gave them nicknames, naughty us!).

There was the broody one that he had a daughter with; an orange one (covered in make up and fake tan); a selfish one; a mean and moody one; a money grabbing one who tried to get him to buy a huge house that he could ill afford and who expected us to act as guarantors on an enormous mortgage; there was a lovely one who loved him to bits but he didn't love her; and then, finally, along came this tall, skinny Latvian girl who had both feet firmly on the ground and we finally had the happy ending that he deserved.

As regards a mother's relationship with her son, it is true in a way that they are only yours til they find a wife, but I see as much of him - and also my daughter - as I can given the fact that I travel a lot.

THeres really no set pattern. I have two sons and a daughter and get on wel with them all and their spouses who are all lovely. 0ne DiL is very close to her own family and we see less of them but they are no less friendly/caring. My other DiL is quite different but equally lovely - they live nearer and she doesnt get on well with her own mother so we see rather more of them. My own daughter is probably closer to me than my DiLs but they all get on well together and with us. I think we are lucky and I have no complaints. I do tread rather more carefully with DiLs though - I think thats natural !

Both my sons are great!Luckily I live within 30 min drive of them both so get to see GC a lot. Both my boys (in their early 40s now)work hard so I may only see them at weekends or family events but I do see them. I get on very well with both my DiL- you may have to work at this but it is a very worthwhile relationship.
I see loads of my 6 GC & they stay over with us a lot. We never say no to babysitting if we can do it as we both feel we are building memories & TBH we love having them although we are exhausted when they go home.
Having only had boys I find girls very difficult at times. They are far more self-centered & LOUD. Why do girls have to shriek all the time!!? I know it is not just my GD. I'm dreading them getting to their teens although my 8 year old is there & back already!Plus their clothes & toys are far more expensive.
Enjoy your boys & support them in everything & they will not let you down. My Mum used to say Boys & Mums & Girls & dads had the special relationships.
Plus you could have another child & have 3 boys so enjoy them. It is really magical when a great big hunk of a man hugs you & says Love you Ma!!

I had two brothers, no sister, and saw their total absorption into their in-law families and how my widowed mother was left out. I have three DS and was so proud of my beautiful little boys as they grew up. I thought we were close and didn't believe the same could happen to us. All the same, I rather hoped they would marry orphans. I now have two wonderful DiLs. I couldn't have chosen better for my sons but, guess what, they are completely wrapped up in their own families. Both have sisters and I've noticed that the bond between two sisters and their mother is often too strong to allow anyone else in. I spent Christmas with my grandchildren this year for the first time but had to leave on Boxing Day to make way for my DiL's sister and family, even though they all get together regularly. Two of my sons keep in fairly close touch but the third is more or less ignored by his brothers. Distance plays a big part in all this but I often wonder if a DD might have made a difference.