Grandchild not liking me

I don't think it has to be about money, there are plenty of free outtings, for example last weekend there were lots of free dragon dance displays in bigger towns up and down the country.

It's about planning activities with older children, younger children love having granny come to their house and going to granny or grandad's house is a big treat, not so for older children! We try to arrange activities for them with their grandparents now, it doesn't have to cost money but it works better than sitting at home being grilled about "how's school" for hours on end and means they're building memories together.

Obviously you can't do outtings all the time, but make sure there's always something fun planned for some time in the next couple of months too

this applies to parents of older kids too, not just grandparents. We make sure we have some fun outtings planned with the girls in their calendars because day-to-day you don't get the same sort of quality time as you do if you plan something "on their territory" as it were.

Odeon does £2.50 cinema tickets on Sunday mornings. We sometimes do that, although that works better for the 7ish ones, the cheap showings are cartoons so as they get to 9/10 it's not so good.

I have this with my DGD who is 7 too. We are a second home to her, she doesn't see dad or other GP at all but spends too much of her time with us as Mum is full time and works an hour's drive away. She can be very hurtful but my DH reminds me, she is only a child many times! I think all the advice you've been given is very wise, hard to carry out but you have to rise above it if you possibly can. I do think my GD knows she is horrid sometimes but I'm the nearest to kick out at. What you do for her is ultimately more valuable than outings and presents. Let her make her own breakfast or go without - advice I find very difficult to take myself!

Wise words Mazza, I think also in your case, children only really let out their emotions to the people they are closest to, so for example if they're finding something upsetting at school, their teachers'll say they are "fine" at school, but as soon as they're with someone they feel safe with they'll start lashing out and the emotions come out, sometimes in nasty ways, but you have to look beyond that and try to figure out what's making them emotional and see the lashing out as emotional deflation IYKWIM, and what they need is just for you to be consistant and reassuring. And feel on some level glad that they have someone like you who they feel secure enough with to let their rawest emotions out with… over time this'll become more refined and they'll eventually be able to tell you their problems in a more rational way

That's not to say you should allow rudeness or hitting etc.. but while letting them know it's not okay, try to look beyond it to what is causing the build up of stress that is being let out when they're around their "safe" person.

I agree with the folks who say speak of your hurt, if you don't you are giving your GD permission to mis-treat you and others through out her life. You seem like a really caring person and not someone who would want you GD to be a Bully. She's close to going there and bless her she's too young at 7 to know better unless she is taught. You're doing a good job of teaching her love,service to others, constancy and commitment. Great personal qualities so "Go You". How about asking your GD what her hardest thing would be and the thing she like the best. Once she's told you talk to her about how would she feel if she only got to do the hardest thing every day and never got to the best thing. Then tell her that you do the hard thing every day because you love her and the hardest thing can be the best thing because to get to love and care for her. Her other GP's are lucky they always get to do the best things and she lucky beacuse they love her too and are rich in money so they can always do the nice things. If it comes to it give it a go at getting her to DO the worst thing. Please don't let this learning opportunity pass, you love her enough, teach her this important life lesson. Best of Luck xxx

I agree with the folks who say speak of your hurt, if you don't you are giving your GD permission to mis-treat you and others through out her life. You seem like a really caring person and not someone who would want you GD to be a Bully

I read nothing in the OP that suggest that the GD is mis-treating or bullying anyone. She is being a normal 7 year old and the OPs expectations of the relationship you can have with a 7 year old needs to adjust. It's understandable to grieve the loss of the adoring relationship you have with toddlers/younger children, but unfair to blame older children for becoming normal older children.

If anything particularly rude is said, deal with it on the spot. But also you do need to adjust your "neediness" when it comes to older children, it's easy to get used to the cuddles and adoration, but unreasonable to continue to expect them later

it's also not rude of the child to talk about fun outtings she's had just because the OP finds it upsetting to hear.

Oh I remember telling my mother when I was about that age that I wished my friend's parents were mine too as they were much nicer, younger, better looking and more fun. I couldn't understand why she over reacted at the time!
Of course I didn't mean it at all and looking back don't know why I said it. Id just had a good time playing at friend's house I think!

My point is that children say exactly what they think at any given moment and dont think about the effect it has, and dont really mean it deep down!

Of course I didn't mean it at all and looking back don't know why I said it. Id just had a good time playing at friend's house I think

I think at 7ish they are very fact oriented, to the point of being annoying! It's black and white, its true or it's not. And if its true they don't understand why they shouldn't say it. I remember DD ranking us (the immediate family) in order of preference.. which obviously wasn't very nice to hear and we explained why, but from her point of view it was no different from talking about her favourite book or favourite subject in school etc

This is a tricky one because although she is young. Girls can be cruel and bullying. It's happening to my granddaughter who is six. Girls saying one day I will play with you but not the next. Even at seven they need to know it's hurtful, in a loving way . That's how they learn to be kind and considerate. I find my DIL never raises her voice to her children with any level of emotion and they don't know what is acceptable. Therefore not pleasant to have around.

You don't need to raise you voice to explain why something is not okay
In fact people who feel the need to raise their voices tend to not be great at explaining what they mean.

I don't mean shouting just emotion in your voice. Perhaps I didn't explain properly but you get my drift?

Everyone is right children of 7 don't think very hard about other peoples feelings, so if they say something hurtful I would just tell them quietly that it is unkind, you do get tears sometimes but they begin to work out whats acceptable and whats not, at least around you. I am afraid what the other grandparents have said and done being related back to you is just part of shared grandparenting, I sometimes wonder how they have the energy!

I'm with Faye. Children need to be told when they're being hurtful or else, how are they to learn? Seven isn't a toddler, at 7 a child should surely know right from wrong?

I would speak quietly with her and tell her how much you love her etc but that her disrespectful and hurtful behaviour is not acceptable.

Children change, as long as we remain calm and loving they know they can trust us. OP's GD may be going through some worry at the moment that's not obvious to her GM. To some extent we are there to take the flak I think.

I'm with Faye. Children need to be told when they're being hurtful or else, how are they to learn? Seven isn't a toddler, at 7 a child should surely know right from wrong?

granted the OP isn't very detailed, but from what's there, what exactly has the 7YO in the example done that's wrong?

was it wrong to talk about the fun outings she's been on with her GP (just because the GP doesn't happen to want to know due to the outtings happening with the other GP)?

Is it wrong to not want granmother to make your breakfast? as suggested before she's at an age where they do and should want to do these things themselves, or at least be involved and making choices.

I would not pay too much attention. 7 yr olds are experts at manipulating people. Think of the little girl who twists Daddy round her little finger to get what she wants.

She will grow out of it if you do not make a big thing of it. Unfortunately as they grow older they do not want to spend time with adults. Tablets and Games rule. They also spend ages on the 'phone to their mates. Something we were never able to do aye.

You don't have to spend a lot of money with little children. Get the paints out or bake some cakes, play badminton in the garden or take them swimming. A walk in the countryside where they can enjoy nature is a good way of occupying them.

It is not a competition for her love. She will love you both for different reasons. Laugh it off when she compares you. Making a joke of it will make her see it does not work.

I have 6 grandchildren and one of them was a little like yours. She's fine now just the opposite. Just hang on in there it will be ok believe me ?

edsnana He obviously told you to get a reaction, wanting you to get an iPad too! Good for you for not responding.

Welcome to the forum. If I were in your position I would quietly ask a child who was rude to me, not to be because she needs guidance. Did you have a good relationship with the father? Perhaps she is taking her lead from him. If so, all you can do is quietly get on with caring for her and she will see how much you love her and will appreciate what you do for her.