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Grandchildren named after SIL side

(46 Posts)
trueblue22 Fri 03-Feb-17 17:19:15

My SIL insists on his children being named after deceased close relatives, which I respect. DD goes along with this.

I only have two GC, both from my DD and SIL. The first child was named after SIL male grandparents. The latest baby girl- born 2 days ago- has been named after SIL grandmother and only the second name after my late mother. So 3/4 of the children's names are after SIL side. My poor DH side of the family have been ignored.

I obviously wouldn't make an issue of this with DD or SIL, but it has hurt DH that his side has been overlooked.

SIL parents lives in Canada and can't be so hands on. So maybe SIL wanted to make them feel more included.

It seems such a petty issue when written down, but are we over reacting to this slight?

mumofmadboys Fri 03-Feb-17 17:35:50

Could it be that D and SIL preferred the names of his relatives?

thatbags Fri 03-Feb-17 17:40:47

Yes, you are over-reacting and yes, it is petty. Good grief!

thatbags Fri 03-Feb-17 17:41:27

Whatever happened to magnanimity?

vampirequeen Fri 03-Feb-17 17:41:30

If it's a tradition in your SIL's family then so be it. I doubt they thought they were disrespecting you or your DH.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 03-Feb-17 17:42:38

When I had my children I chose names which were unknown in the family to avoid trying to keep everyone happy.
I have several grandchildren now. One of them has her full official name the same as mine in the correct order too.
I was told by my D???D that one of these names was after her deceased grandmother and the other after a live person on her DH side.
I thought it was hurtful to say that to me but the poor child has one of the longest names I have ever seen.

MawBroon Fri 03-Feb-17 17:42:51

It is the parents' choice.
End of.

vampirequeen Fri 03-Feb-17 17:44:37

A friend comes from a family where every girl is called Mary then the name by which they will be known e.g. Mary Elizabeth and the boys are all called Joseph followed by the name they'll be known by e.g. Joseph George.

Rinouchka Fri 03-Feb-17 18:03:02

Yes, you are over-reacting. Many babies carry forenames totally unassociated with either family. Enjoy your grandchildren whatever their names!

mcem Fri 03-Feb-17 18:03:55

SPF she has your names but one is shared by the deceased GM and someone in her husband's family and you're hurt
Have I got that right? Surely I've misunderstood?
If I have interpreted it correctly then
get a grip ! If I'm wrong (and I hope I am) I apologise!!

PoshGran Fri 03-Feb-17 18:07:39

I would think that many/most parents nowadays don't think to include "family" names at all trueblue judging by some of the more unusual names around.
Your DD & SiL have made their choices; mumofmadboys may be right. This should just be a temporary, minor (private) irritation - and you could always make up pet names for both GC! smile
(Incidentally, in our family, we now have 5 generations where the boys have their father's first name as a second name).

Crafting Fri 03-Feb-17 18:16:05

trueblue22 your DH had his chance to use his family names when you had your own child(ren). It is now their turn. Maybe they just chose names they liked for their children........ just like you presumably did.

trueblue22 Fri 03-Feb-17 18:17:02

I understand perfectly that it's the parents' choice. We are all Jewish and it's a Jewish tradition that children are named after deceased relatives. My SIL is taking this literally and wants first names used rather than middle names, which is usually the case.

It's quite a 'big thing' in the Jewish tradition and naming shows respect for that family.

I'm not too bothered as my mother is mentioned.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 03-Feb-17 18:17:32

mcem - It is not whether the child has my names or not that I feel upset about. These two names appear so often in all sides of my ancestors it would be hard to know who is called after whom. I do not know much of the DH family or the ancestral names, but I do know that there is a lady of one of the names, the second Christian name.
My own preference is that a child should have it's own name.

What hurt was that my D?D (who has been cutting many times) said that although the child has the exact same Christian names as you, neither of them is her being called after me.

Having had this name for a great number of years I can state that it is a lot of name to put on all the official forms.

The same D?D has other children. One is a derivative of one of my names but that is after someone else and that was that person's choice. Parents only should chose names.

Another of that D?D is called after another deceased relative. If she had actually listened to that person while alive she would have known that the person hated their name.

This is why I think "calling a child after" a person alive or dead is such a minefield.

No-one from my family had any wish to have a child called after them.

I do hope this clears up the point for you Mcem. In short it was the nasty comment and not who is called after whom which caused the problem.

Cherrytree59 Fri 03-Feb-17 18:25:48

A rose by any other name is still a rose
A grandchild by any name is still your grandchild!

There will be a lot of people who would love a grandchild no matter what their given name.

Sugarpufffairy Fri 03-Feb-17 18:55:59

I don't mind what my grandchildren are called. I want them to be healthy and happy.
I don't like them or their names being used to cause upset. (There is more to this and this is only one example here)

thatbags Fri 03-Feb-17 19:07:57

Still good grief!!

Rinouchka Fri 03-Feb-17 19:21:45

trueblue22 is it not the Jewish tradition to use the first letter of a deçeased relative's name to create a new name for a child whilst still honouring the deceased relative's memory?
If that is correct, I can understand your DH feeling his family has been left out of the naming ritual. However, he will just have to accept this.

Were DD and SiL not aware of the Jewish tradition?

Elrel Fri 03-Feb-17 19:53:23

Trueblue. A New York friend was called after two recently deceased grandparents - Isadore and Bella. She loved her name, Isabel, but also said it was the most creative thing her DPs had ever done!

trueblue22 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:56:44

DD was nut SIL not brought up in tradition and wants to do things literally. We named our kids with only middle names and chose our own first names

Jalima Fri 03-Feb-17 20:12:19

My DC were named after my great-great-grandparents without me realising it
I only found out years later when I researched our family history.

Elegran Fri 03-Feb-17 20:13:42

If SiL is keeping to tradition, it will probably even up with the next two children. Perhaps if child 2 had been another boy, he would have received DH's name?

My second name was to be after one grandmother, but my first name was not to be a family one. I was the first grandchild on both sides. The other granny felt slighted and took the huff, so the first name was changed to hers before I was registered. I am quite happy with that name (I've had it a long time now), but I do feel that emotional blackmail was applied to get "equality" where it wasn't needed. She did that a lot - she had had an unhappy childhood and was always a needy and difficult woman.

Jalima Fri 03-Feb-17 20:14:02

ps It is still a tradition in some cultures; DGS's other DGF thought he should have been named after him, was rather put out until it was pointed out that it is the Anglicized version of his name.

Grannyben Fri 03-Feb-17 21:28:42

Sometimes I think many of use can over think things and, unfortunately, I think this could be one of those occasions. The parents of your son in law aren't here, they aren't going to get a look in. I bet his mum is sat in Canada wishing she was the one getting the cuddles and stuff the names. I'm sure he's just trying to make his parents feel they haven't been forgotten

Maggiemaybe Fri 03-Feb-17 22:18:24

The first boys in my dad's line have always been called William (or as far back as we know). I chose it as a middle name for my DS, and my DD2 and DS chose to add it as a middle name for their elder boys. I didn't ask for this or expect it, it was their idea. No other branches of the families have any such tradition, so they aren't put out in any way. And I'm sure if the new parents hadn't liked the name they wouldn't have dreamt of using it! The DGS's first names are all theirs!